(D&D5e): Protea - Episode 3: The Cause of and Solution to the DM's Problems

[00:00:10] In a world long forgotten and forsaken by any gods, the mortal races have edged out a tenuous but thriving existence, fending off vile monsters and evils that linger from ages past. It is here several young adventurers are about to get caught up in events that will shake the very foundations of this world.

[00:00:35] As chaos begins to spread and a demonic legion threatens to make landfall on the shores of this world. How will these wayward youths fare? Welcome to Protea. Hi, welcome to One Less Die, a 5th edition actual play podcast.

[00:01:01] Tonight I'm your GM, Aaron, and we will be playing in the world of Protea. For characters this evening we have starting on my left... Sparrow! Onyx! Arceus! Ethan! Fantastic! When we last left off, you guys had seen a rift open in the world and a whole bunch of crazy stuff spill out of it.

[00:01:27] You guys fled from there to the road to try to head towards the nearest town. In your travels, while at camp, two of the party members, Evan and Brooke, have taken off to go back to investigate a ship that had crash landed on the planet, or crash landed on the hilltop that you guys have been on.

[00:01:53] Leaving you to carry on to the nearest town to take word of what had transpired. As you traveled along the road, you came across a group of brigands, or highwaymen, who tried to shake you down for your belongings. You guys fought them off, killing them horribly, and looting their bodies.

[00:02:18] Also discovering a picture hand drawn by a small child on corpses of one of the... I forgot about that! But that's where we last left off. What do you guys want to do? Yeah, I was gonna... Can I try and loot the guy that Arceus did pretty poorly? Or trying to loot it and end poorly doing that? I don't really want to... Easy for that. Uh...

[00:02:48] Yeah, you can make the attempt. The difficulty is higher because he already failed it. Yeah. And that's an investigation. Yep. You find 4 silver and 2 gold on the deck. I don't know. Am I on the ladder? I don't know. That adds to what I already talked from the other day.

[00:03:20] Well you said 4 silver, 1 gold. 4 gold. 4 silver, 2 gold. How much gold? Is that more money? Unless you guys want to do anything else, I think that matches up our... It is probably mid-afternoon at this point. We wind up pushing into evening. You want to start setting up camp.

[00:03:48] Yes, you should. Okay. Let's go set up camp in the forest. On the tall grass. No, we're gonna stay up the grass because of the... Not the grass. No, because of the guys. Minotaurs. Yeah, not the guys. Yeah, not the guys. Alright, I want one person to give me a survival check. Sarah, you're the one that doesn't survive. I think this is plus 4 and then 2. Wait, this one. Yes.

[00:04:19] Is that count? No, because you didn't intentionally work. Okay, 13. 19? Okay. Find a good spot. There's a small pond nearby. You'll have to boil the water, but you know that it's reasonably safe. Yeah, you find a nice clear spot for you guys to set up camp. Nice.

[00:04:51] Okay, so you guys set up camp for the evening. Do you guys want to speak through this or is there anything you guys want to be doing in camp? I just can't. We want to look for more gear. We should look for food yet again. Oh no, Ethan. Can I attempt to fish with my crossbow? I mean, that is something that actually exists. I don't have a fishing rod. It actually exists with crossbow fishing. That's actually something that people do. But if you fish... Yes. But if you don't kill it, it's gone with your arrow. Yeah. Is it a pond?

[00:05:21] It's a pond. It's a pond. Oh. So he's a pond. So there's really... There's nowhere broken. And eventually he'll just die. Is it a de-punt? There's nowhere he can go. Not particularly. As he jumps into another pond. Not over there. Starts pumping, pumping, pumping, pumping. Okay, so all of you guys are going hunting? No. It's not. Yeah. He's gonna cook in the fire. You're gonna do me. Okay, he's gonna stay there in one time. But I guess I will save my deer in the second day.

[00:05:49] I'm taking two times fire damage. I will save my deer spotting for another day. I need to waste any of this. I'm still pretty. I'm still pretty. I'm still pretty. I'm still pretty. I'm still pretty. I don't have a shame for that. I really want a deer. I'm out of shame for that fight. I took seven damage. That'd be cool if I'm a deer. Like, I would pet. I have 24 and I'm out of time. I'm in cage.

[00:06:17] I will put that down in my book because that seems to be coming back over and over again. So keep that in mind. Something may come up at some point. I don't know. Something bad? That depends on how you roll. Or how you, what's that, how you look at the balls. How you treat the situation. It's drunk deer that stands up too late to do. I'll probably try and talk my way out of it.

[00:06:47] You do seem to like doing that. I don't know if it's not the disease. Alright. I'd like to try and not kill as many people as possible but like... I thought it was the drunk deer. When I do. It's not what it's called. It's the most gritty thing. That's right. It's a small call. Alright. Give me a survival test.

[00:07:16] Oh wait, me? Oh. What? Me? Yeah. Everybody? No. Uh, him first because he's separate from you guys. Hey, hey, you got that. 17 plus anything? Uh, do you, are you proficient in survival? No. Then it's just plus your wisdom. What? 18. Stupid. Okay. Did I catch fish? Okay. No. It's deep.

[00:07:47] Can I go with me? I could. You go bow fish, you throw a fish, you catch it. I want you to give me a, uh, dexterity check. So just roll with that 20, add your dexterity. No. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. 14. While you are at the pond, you realize that it is shallow and it's not feeding from anywhere. You don't catch sight of any fish.

[00:08:17] You do however see half a dozen frogs while you're out there, but you failed to catch it. I'm not the fast one in the group. No! You're probably faster than me. You catch up to me on my donkey. I find luck. I have longer strides than you do. You caught up to me on my long-ass... I'm a boulder that can run. I'm a running boulder. I'm a running boulder. I'm a running boulder. So I want to back to camp. The hunting party.

[00:08:47] Give me survival tests. I'm just chilling. 19. You see me. Plus anything? I. Plus your proficiency, plus your wisdom. I. I am not. I'm just kidding. 17. I. Okay. I'm just... I. I'm... But you do get your wisdom. What if I just use plus? That's a little bit. Alright. We're on a hill. We're on a hill. Okay. So you guys are tracking through your books there. You just come across.

[00:09:17] One team is best. Probably a game is where a small rabbit is how he's dead. So he's dead. So he's a fighter. And you back off the hill. I think you're considering setting traps on his feet. You hit me a couple of times. When a rabbit actually just pops out onto the path. Yeah. I want both of you to give me a stealth check. I'm gonna get them. I'm gonna kill another rabbit. Five points. I don't like the rabbit stew. Five and a. I didn't like it, but I...

[00:09:46] He said what's in it? Oh wait. What's that? I'm gonna message the egg. The egg. The dexterity still in your position. And bacon. Remember where you do it? I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. They're rationing. They're rationing better than ours. I'm not. No. One too. Okay. If rabbit has not caught sight of you, you can both give me an attack roll. What are you using? I'm gonna watch something. Um. Not bronze.

[00:10:17] Just throw it. Okay. What are you gonna do? Shoot. What is it? You have a bomb. You cannot use the bomb. That's medieval helmet. Oh wait. So both of you can give me an attack roll. Wait. Plus? Right. Plus? Plus? Is there a tough one? It's an attack roll. So it would be plus your, um, it's a ranged weapon. So plus your dexterity modifier, plus your proficiency if you're proficient. You know what? I did. You need to get a storm.

[00:10:48] You have a very chillini. You have a very chillini. I cast a horrible streak. Alright. So, um, you both see it coming onto the path in front of you. You see her lean back with her spear and let loose. Just as you let loose your arrow, uh, you both hit this thing. Oh, that's why I did it. Oh, that's why I did it. They both hit this spear. It just raises right off. It pins it straight to the ground and the arrow takes it right through the neck. It is a clean, quick kill. Very humane. Yum yum yum.

[00:11:18] It's a rabbit! I thought you liked rabbits. I have a rabbit. It was a chipmunk. You have a chipmunk. No, it's true. I own a rabbit. You're both monsters. You can't be a pet rabbit. No, no, no. It's my brown one. I've also had to look. You smile. They are very peaceful. You got me here. Okay, um, so you guys have, uh, got a rabbit for dinner. Is there about any fairies or anything else?

[00:11:48] Give me a very survival test. You can look for that. I have shades. Oh my god. Okay, five plus the series? No. I have 72 pairs of shades on. It's just me. 11. I just hate them. Um, you don't find any berries or any nuts. But you do find, uh, some wild, uh, some wild carrots.

[00:12:15] You know they don't taste particularly good, but they would probably go okay in a scoop. Rabbits do! Rabbits do! Rabbits do again. Honestly, the best thing to do with rabbits. What happens to do again? How I eat, this is how I eat carrots. Delicious. He's the new rabbit. So you've, uh, you've got yourself some, some wild carrots. You've got yourself a rabbit. I guess you guys head back to camp? Yep.

[00:12:45] Alright. So you arrive back at camp, you, you chop up your carrots and you, uh, uh, clean your rabbit. Put it into the pot. You guys make yourselves a, uh, a pretty decent dinner. Is there anything that you guys want to do with the evening before you go to sleep? I'll give you some of the stew. Pick a honey bear.

[00:13:15] That is, that's... Don't feed them rabbits! Don't feed them a parrot! Do I have any carrots left? I mean, there's some carrots in your stew. No, you just take a carrot. I don't want to get a carrot. Like with musk, then I take it. No, this is the sweetest, sweetest. And I take a ten. Shhh, get a animal candle. Oh, that was one? Yeah, sure. I want to go cut my horse, but if I fail... Well, I get a... You have a tiny border hand full of the taps. Oh, no.

[00:13:44] You'd have to fail pretty badly, though. Ten. Okay, I want to go cut my horse. Ten? Ten. All right, well, he comes close, he takes the bit of carrot, he eats it, and then he goes back to his hiding place. You see his little... You see his little... You guys still have that... You still have that, like, log, cat tree thing that you carved? Can I place that down for him so we can sleep next? This is so I see. He'll probably make his way to it, but probably not overwatching.

[00:14:14] No, this is... This is... This is so I see... I want to go get my horse. I got a G-mon placement. Okay, give me an animal hammer. You got your donkey, right? My fine black ass, yes. My fine black ass, sleep. He's right beside me. Your horse is happy to be getting the attention. It nuzzles into you. Yay! It definitely steals a little bit of...

[00:14:43] You wound up with some of the carrot tops in your... It just stuck to your cloak and it eats them off your cloak. I love my horse. I love princess. She will be immortal because I will never ever take her into combat. Tactical nuke. Inbound. She takes it. Always. I love my face. And even if she does get a cat... I mean, this is just like... She's a unicorn.

[00:15:13] What does that mean? If we're staying under her. She is a unicorn. I mean, the first one didn't survive. No. We don't talk about what happened. What happened in the first one. What? No, the first two. The first two. Zero. Zero in the first one, remember? Yeah, the first two. You don't talk about zero in the first one. Who wants to take the first watch? No. No. I don't. Why not? Second watch. No.

[00:15:43] And the third watch. No. You want to take third? Rock and scissors. Over. Okay, you can just pretend to be a watch. We definitely should give you a case that looks like a rock and a... Okay, who's taking third watch? It's a bro... Sir, I'll take third watch. Okay, you're on fourth watch. Yes. Okay, I'm up first. Give me a perception test.

[00:16:17] Well, your watch passes completely uneventfully as you are oblivious to anything happening in the world. You are literally blind. Who was second watch? Spiro. You wake up late for your watch and realize that he fell asleep. Exhausted. Can you punch him? No.

[00:16:54] Oh, okay.

[00:17:25] Okay. So, who is third watch? The sound of a cow. Mew. Oh, I forgot the sound of a cow. Minotaur, minotaur. Boo! And if you take a look through the...

[00:17:54] Take a look through the... Take a look through the... And you can actually see a herd of minotaur on the other side of the road just traveling across the plain. Can you not? Just sit there by yourself. So, his next watch... I wake you up on the highway. Keep you up. Get off! Please! Shut up! Shut up! We need a little damage! Be quiet! Shut up! I'm just warning you. We... I see screaming at the top of the line.

[00:18:24] No! Wreck off! He is horrible hell. Yeah. I'm so battered. I need this rags. That's why I look forward. I need this rags. After a little while, you see that the minotaurs just move off. They don't cause a problem. They just appear to be out hunting the wild. Uh, final watch. I was just so scared that I woke you up and then I hurt.

[00:18:57] I was sitting there by the fire and, uh, it starts to burn low so you throw a little more wood on it. And, um, as you're sitting there, nothing really occurs. I was sitting back in. Morning starts to... Morning starts to come. The sky gets lighter and you start hearing the calls of birds in the trees and that is the night passes. Niggity's jump by. Yay! Go back to my phone now. Yes, you guys have got a long rest. So your spell slots are restored.

[00:19:26] Your health is back to full. You are 24. You were scared. I was scared. And then there's me. A boulder. Do you remember what happened the first night I did a whole... First night I got snuck on? I almost died. Yeah, but that's just... It's not an issue, not an issue. I need to have a point to two. Arceus, that's just... That sounds like an issue, not an issue, not an issue.

[00:19:55] I'm testing my rolls. That's a major Arceus problem. That's a major Arceus problem. 90% of my rolls are under 8. Well yeah, cause you're blind, you're deaf, and you have no... And you're stupid. Sits in the fire for long enough. Take damage. Ah, it's just cold. Okay. He's about to finish. So the morning arrives, what are you guys gonna do? I'm gonna chill off for a little bit.

[00:20:25] I'm gonna pat my horse up. I feel like... Well, there's still leftover stew from last night. Yeah, but... I'm gonna have that. I'm gonna have some of that for breakfast. I'm gonna look at them all. I'm gonna have some of that for breakfast. 13... I'm gonna eat some. Not all of it, thank you very much. So look, you realize that it actually has some burrs and stuff in its fur. So you, uh, seeing that, you go and you find your horse brush, and you give it a good brush. I'm gonna have to see you for that. Freaking around.

[00:20:55] Stevie is a knight. Me and my horse... We're like Jaquavius and me. We're like... We're in a lot. Me, Jaquavius and Princess. We are like... Note to self. Kill the horse. No! Kill off Jaquavius. Don't kill off my horse. You're probably the one that killed off the other two. My horse? Your other two horses. Yeah!

[00:21:24] The prince and other two. The princess what is princess... We don't talk about the other two. Oh yeah, we don't, we don't, we don't talk about the other princesses. So what were you doing? I'm going to go look for like some fairies and stuff. Okay. Give me a roll. Oh, come on. Damn it. Okay. Steps in it. Steps in it. Aw, there they all go. Total of twelve.

[00:21:55] You don't find anything additional in the woods to see what I have this morning. Well... At least you didn't step in it. I'm a survivalist. I'm a survivalist then. Do them. We'll find berries along the road, probably. Or some baby. Hopefully. They're all... Eat the stew and take a carrot out and give it to Chip. I mean... Yeah. I'm more than welcome to do that. Yeah, I'm gonna book this. Where's your bread, bro? My what? Your bread. That house is bread.

[00:22:25] Not just your bread. It's not just sugar. Oh, well, I'll just... Ching, ching. What? Nineteen. Nineteen. Nineteen. Nineteen. Okay. So, uh... You approach the little house that you made for Chip. And you offer him a little bit of stale carrot. And he comes out. He eats the carrot from your hand while sitting in your hand. Making progress!

[00:22:55] After he's done eating, he jumps back into the little house that you gave him and he pulls up and takes a nap. You're getting there, though. We're making progress. Soon I'll be able to teach him at this moment. Soon. One session for you. In a world. In a land before town.

[00:23:24] Teach a legendary pine. Not a little pine pine. One girl. No. Two. Girls. Sparrow. On an outpost. At the edge of space. When your life is no longer your own. What does that even mean? A renegade pine. No. A robot. A renegade pine. Now. More than ever.

[00:23:49] Teach a little chip on, uh, legendary punch. That's pretty. I'm gonna be able to punch a tree or something. Then he breaks his squirrel in the middle. Exactly. Don't do that. It's legendary punch. One damage! Watch him break the tree.

[00:24:17] One damage breaks a tree. You can't give a squirrel class levels. Watch him. He'll find a different squirrel and do that. It's a chipmunk. It's a chipmunk. Okay. Let's get on the road. What were you guys, uh, what were you guys doing? Uh, you're all getting ready to go. I was finishing up. You, how are you eating? I was finishing up having some leftover stew. I finished it. You finished it.

[00:24:47] You finished it. You guys have a nice, not necessarily nice, but party breakfast of leftover stew. You, uh, you pack up the camp. Are you, uh... I don't eat my stew. I save it. Uh... How are you saving it? We don't have any permits there. We don't have any permits. We don't have any permits. We don't have any permits. We don't have any permits. We don't have any permits. We're diligent. Even if it's still in us. I got you. Trust. We'll save some fire. Wait, we have fire.

[00:25:17] We do. Okay. I think it was a little more great. We'll take a test of agitation. Let's get back to the game. Okay. Sorry? Not a grasslands. I was making a joke. I'd keep it cold with my... You can keep it cold or you can warm it up. Lacking. 500 feet away. That's a long weapon, man. No, no, no. He jumps from that far away. He just... Bunk. The weapon's like this. Like this one.

[00:25:46] Is everybody ready to get on the road? Yes. I will mount my fine black ass and off I go. And I'll be right beside you because I will catch up. Mmm. Alright. Bella. So you guys hit the road and you're traveling along. Who is taking the lead? Not it. Not it. Alright. Are you trying to be sneaky?

[00:26:15] Are you guys taking the road or are you taking the woods? How are you doing? I thought they were the woods. The last time we tried to get... We were getting caught. Yeah, but like... We took out the one... We took out the people that were saying that it was theirs. And just like go on the road still. And there's more of them. Well yeah, but I saw minotaurs on there last night. I don't really trust the road. I don't really trust the road. No, they were like... That was way out in the field on the other side of the road. Oh, yeah.

[00:26:45] Nice. Never mind I suppose. Well, I mean... We can go on the road. I'm just worried about the robbers. Just remember... Well... Then we do have to be somewhere. Well... Urgently. Honest. No. She vanished. I had a funny trick. But then she vanished. So... Yeah, yeah. Okay. Off we go. On the road. I think I was worried about more robberies.

[00:27:20] Okay, so you guys are traveling along the road then. I suppose. Because that was... That was the consensus, yes? Yes. Yep. And then I get shocked. Are you trying to be sneaky or are you trying to... You guys are riding along? Yeah, pretty good. Give me a perception test. Everybody? Just the guy in the lead. Yeah. That's a BYUF. Oh my God.

[00:27:59] We're blind and you are stupid. And you guys said we need in front. You mean six, right? Man, being in the front is boring. Nothing ever happens except for that one time yesterday. On that other time yesterday. And you're just casually riding along, riding along. I felt they make me go first. The blind one. I like adventuring. I just like being in the back. You're near excited. You can't see anything. You have no... Perception. Sense of direction.

[00:28:29] Yeah, you have no sense of direction. We're gonna end up in a lake before we end up at the town. You in the front. Well then why'd you let me go in the front? You all are the one. I'd rather be in the back. You're a unit. You just have to slap somebody and they'll die. No I can't. Squish their head. They're gone. Jump on them.

[00:28:59] You'll break their bones. Anyways. I can do that anyways. He just jumps 15 feet in the air. Just chhh. You guys are on the road for about... Four, five... Four, four and a half hours somewhere in there. And uh... You come inside of the town that you guys have been heading towards. Highland! I didn't get shot. And then a ram arrow flies me. Don't jinx it! Arceus! Then a harpoon flies from the town. Please, please.

[00:29:27] Arceus, I beg of you, shut up. Do it. Harpoon, good call. Okay, so you guys continue rolling up the road straight up to the town gate. It's got a pretty simple palisade.

[00:29:54] Like the vertical log stuck in the ground as a wall. Just reaching the whole way around the town. And it has a fairly large gate. Looks like you could fit a cart through it, but not really huge or anything. The gate is like a side pit my head. We're gonna have to leave your side my friend. I'm sorry. The gate is wide open. Nice. I will drop over the head in. I don't think you'll fit in though.

[00:30:23] The width and the... I'm gonna do a first... Five, slash, probably not to the percentage. Maybe the close. Can I open perception check to see the guards? Sparrow, perception check to see the guards. If there's any guards or anything. Yeah, do it. Yeah, your perception closes. He's very intimidating. He's very intimidating.

[00:30:53] I might get serious. Okay, a 20 plus... What is it? For what? No, right. Nat 20. It's a nat 20. They want a minimal perception. So like, see if it's a very incredible. You gotta tell me what you're trying to do. I said it! There is a guard... Up on a watchtower.

[00:31:19] Just kind of watching both directions that the road goes. And how are we full sprint at it? You're really trying to get us cold. But he's not like... This is a sneaky town. It's not a really busy, crazy busy place or anything. It doesn't look like they're expecting any kind of attack. Give him like a... They're not expecting any kind of attack. Everybody's back.

[00:31:48] They're not expecting any kind of attack. The giant army does it. We should probably go find this in charge. Alright. I guess I'll wander over and reach him.

[00:32:01] I guess I'll go find this in charge. I guess I'll go find it. That's good. Okay. At least he's a talker. Mentor seems to know what the frick the Grogshaza are. Grogshaza? Yes.

[00:32:33] Okay. As you guys are coming into the town, give me perception tests. I wasn't blind for once. Here take my eyes. Give me your... Oh I can see so much! No 25. I can see. Okay.

[00:33:04] You guys all see that there's a whole bunch of small houses. Everybody lives in pretty modest dwellings here with thatch roofs. A couple of them are in some pretty shabby shape, but they're all still standing and they appear pretty solid. As you're coming through the town, you do notice a couple of larger buildings. There's one off to the left. Um. In the church.

[00:33:33] Uh, that uh, uh, appears. Thanks, tips. Um. I think you should have to know what the building looks like. No. What the building is called. Church? A part of the building. It's a city hall. Ah. Ah. It's a slightly larger building.

[00:34:01] It also looks like it doubles as probably their community center. Um. And it just says, uh, Nags Head Central. The town that you're in is called Nags Head. I guess I want... That's, that's where we go. Alright. You do the talking. I'll go over there. You throw people first. Alright. Does anyone want to come in? I don't talk the most. Does anyone want to come in with me or does that... I'll go with you. Alright. I'll take this one with you. We'll see. This one with you. You guys go wander around. Check out some things. Quick, let's go to the tavern. Yes.

[00:34:31] By all means. Split up the party. Oh. I mean, I think, I think we'll be suited... We're more finely suited to deal with things. I think we'll be alright and then... ...getting to any shit, so... I think we'll be alright and then there's them. Wait, aren't we the healers? No. No, we're barbarians. Are you kidding me? We're just gonna heal, right. Forgot all that. Sorry. The number of times. I guess. The number of times.

[00:35:01] Um. I'm a barbarian. Is the door wide open? No, it is closed. I guess I'll knock on the door. Okay. I mean, it's a city hall. There's more to whip them, but... Shush. Knocked on the door and I just walk inside. Oh my god. Okay. You enter into a, uh... It looks like a small, um... Welcome room. Like a small green room.

[00:35:28] Uh, there is a desk off to the one side. And there's a, um... A wheely old man sitting behind the desk. Shush. He looks up at you behind his, uh... Half Moon spectacles there. Shush. Yes? How can I help you? Um. Hi. We need to see the mayor, like... Very urgently. He's a very busy man. It's really important.

[00:35:58] It's about, like, um... Bad guys. Bad? An entire city to the ground. It sounds serious? Do you have any evidence for your... For your place? You're the one who found the burning city, didn't you? I did. And then you fell into the flames.

[00:36:27] Don't think I burned my heart. Yeah. Wait, where are they going? I'm fully healed at this time. I don't think it's still there. Well, no. Scars exist, dude. We're, like... I touched the fire in armor. Nice. Also, he's received magical healing since then. Yeah. A multitude of times. I mean... I don't... I don't know if you have any problems. Because my party members don't tell me anything. But, like...

[00:36:53] You didn't actually say anything to me about the Rakshasa. I think you only mentioned it once. Does the Rakshasa remind you of it? But that was not... It wasn't them. No, it wasn't the Rakshasa. It was the tentacle beast. Oh, there's something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the tentacle guy. Didn't you take a tentacle as well? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:37:19] The Rakshasa remind you of it. Yeah. Well, now look here, young man. We... Sunny boy. We're not. This is nothing to be joking about. We are not joking. We are not joking. I will put you over my view as such as... Our mentor... Our mentor is it. My mentor literally died. Three of our mentors have died.

[00:37:48] We're in a group of four. One of them went with another person we found. And they opened this giant portal where we saw dragons and flying ships. Not flying. Give me a persuasion test. Oh. Can I also roll, please? Yeah. You can either... You can roll separately or you can give him advantage. Whichever you prefer. Persuasion is plus three for me. No. I have a... Actually, I have plus five on persuasion. Do you want to do advantage? Do you think my roll will be that close? No.

[00:38:18] That's why... Plus five. Plus whatever this is. You guys can cooperate. By cooperating, you can either both roll or one of you can roll with advantage. Whichever you prefer. I got the bonus to it. Do you want to roll with the advantage? To take... Sure. They're both ten.

[00:38:51] They're both ten. So for a total of fifteen. Total of fifteen. I swear, I will get on my knees and beg for you to believe me. No. Literally. How many guys like pictures of their own brothers? There's no particular cameras. Ultra-probative. How? Expensive. Very. Probably. Or like a crude drawing of the Rakshasa.

[00:39:22] You can tell that he definitely doesn't believe you, but it's also not really in his pay grade to question. Sure. So he gets up and he says, I guess I'll let the mayor decide for himself if this is something that we need to be looking into. Did you not see the humongous rift like open just like a day or two ago?

[00:39:48] He definitely saw some lightning storms off to the northeast, yes? Yeah. There was like a humongous rift there. It was bad. That seems a little far-fetched. I'm not. I don't know. Okay. What? He gets up from his desk and he grabs his pair of walking canes and starts slowly shuffling over towards the door. No. No. He had two seconds.

[00:40:17] Alright then. I'm slowly shuffling towards the door. Okay, you should be right there. I'm slowly shuffling towards the door. I'm slowly shuffling towards the door. Would you like any assistance? Do you want to launch your energy here, you know? I think you need it. Would you like me to get the door for you? Well, like five hour energy.

[00:40:46] He gets the door, he opens it and he gestures you guys in. Alright, so we'll wander over. Okay. Uh, we need ultimate like persuasion for the mayor. You're the one that has the good persuasions. You have plus five persuasion. You got a nat 20 on persuasion. When? When you convinced your guy to stay and then proceed to tell him no go. That was one time man. That was one time. That's one time more than me. That was one time more than me.

[00:41:15] I do not have that kind of luck. It's one time more than me. Okay. Last session I had great luck but now I probably will do that. So you guys enter into the main chamber. And it's a rather nice looking study. There's like scrolls and books all along one wall. The other wall has, uh, is mostly covered in maps but there's also decorative like swords and spears crossed over the needles.

[00:41:45] There's a family coat of arms and there's a large oak desk with an aging fellow sitting behind it. I really just like, he's a size, not like a mouse and he has this humongous and huge oak desk that's like taller than both of us. That'd be awesome. He's just sitting up there. I can't, I'm not there to see it, I'm not there to see it but that'd be awesome.

[00:42:12] Yeah you'd be able to see it cause you're a friggin' boulder. Bruh. No I just- Boulder. You could've taken strength. Ball. Or it would rather be- Wait, are you bald as a boulder or do you have hair? Or is it like moss? I can't even name. Moss. Yes. You could have moss on the top. What does that mean for clothing? He's obviously Vaughn. I wear clothes.

[00:42:49] He has the power of a wind on his side. What do you mean? But there's, there's a- I just got a car over the side of it.

[00:43:12] For the audience at home, some of our best players, Rebel and Tadora are at the table, you know. Having a legendary battle. Rebel and Spy used to be that all the time. They'd be playing under the table while we were recording. So we actually named some characters after them. What was their character? Did they die? No.

[00:43:40] I was about to say, don't ask that question. No, they have legendary gear. They got like- They have plot armor? They have level E like severe armor. Actually they don't, and like we took them into battle and stuff. And they would. They lived. They lived. They lived. I had to heal one of them. I don't remember which one, but I had to heal one of them to realize that. But they both lived. Okay. Uh, so you see an older, gray man with a short cropped goatee.

[00:44:09] Um, braids in his hair. Sitting behind the desk, he's- looks like he's writing. He's wearing glasses. He looks up from his work. Can I help you? Um, so we have something extremely important to tell you. Kind of. Um, so basically we just came from- what was where we were? The portal?

[00:44:39] The- what's the middle town? It's not a town. We haven't been to a town yet. It's a portal. It's the first town we've gotten to the town. It's a portal. So we came from the portal thing and- The middle of the town. The portal gate. Yeah, the portal gate. Yeah, the portal gate. Yeah. Okay. We just saw, um, a bunch of- Rockshahs. Rockshahs are there. And we wanted to tell- to warn you, cause they might be coming here cause this is what, like, the closest town?

[00:45:09] No, this is one of them. Yeah, this is one of the closest towns to the portal gate. Give me a persuasion test. Okay, do we want- am I going to- You're the one talking. You're the one talking so you're rolling. Oh my god. I shall assist you this time. Yeah, you're just gonna stand there and then you're gonna suddenly come up like- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, this is- that- that's right. I can- I can honor it. Yeah, now that's right. Um, eighteen.

[00:45:38] And then persuasion? Yep. So it'd be twenty. Persuasion. I guess. This is seemingly certainly serious. Um, this is a rational way. This is very bad. We- we just came from the portal gate and there were dragons and like- Um, my party, we had four mentors- Stop it!

[00:46:07] Stop mystically throwing pencils at each other. You aren't even supposed to be like in the same area right now. I have the pencils. Okay, so- I have the mentors and they were all just- a few days ago. That is horrible and I'm sorry for your loss. I am going to need you to mark on there. What you have seen and where. Yes, of course.

[00:46:37] Am I smart relatively and I can remember where we've been or am I stupid? Uh, depends. Depends. Depends. Do you like anybody else or are you like Arthas? Cause this is- this- well, I mean- Are you kidding? You're a person is all surviving. You're seen from a mile away. Yeah. I mean no- You ain't stealthy. I- I like truly like draw a circle to like generally- You're not twenty-oh. And not twenty-by the tree.

[00:47:01] She has to mark on a map where you guys were, what you've seen and stuff. Uh, and somebody is proficient with- Uh, okay. Uh, navigator's tools. Which includes, you know, maps. Cartography. Cartography. So maybe, maybe you could help with that. Let me give you some assistance there. Thank you, I'm kind of stupid.

[00:47:30] I don't have any ways to help. Great key. So, I'm going to need you to roll and add your proficiency to this. I knew it. And your- You need to do some hard. Oh, God. Plus two. Mark. Sixteen.

[00:48:03] Relatively sometimes. We will dispatch two of our finest trackers. We'll take a look. Skelet's is out and see what there is to be seen. Wait, did I get through the door? Can you hear that? The slow- Creep, creep. Creeping bones. Imagine as he-

[00:48:32] As he walks with his walker towards the door. Just slowly. Imagine that. That's the best one. That's the best scout. Right there. Yes. The eyes of the car, but the body is not that. No. The eyes. Arthur, here's the tractor skills and two of the best skills to this location. The north is on this map. He heads the map off to the old man. It makes your best haste.

[00:49:02] There is not- From what these children were saying, there is not necessarily much time before problems could come knocking on the door. I forgot where kids are. Arthur turns and stops and starts hobbling out of the room. I love them. And, uh, uh, uh, uh, the mayor turns back to you. My name is Ivan. Ivan Hulsk.

[00:49:31] And he extends his hand out to- I say- I'm- I'm- I'm Ethan. I don't have a last name. I can't- I do! I just- I'm- I'm very secretive. Ah, you're kind of like Cher. Huh? You're kind of like what? Cher? The singer? I'm old to find out who that is.

[00:50:00] No, it's actually a- It's actually a real singer. Yeah, I don't- The name is Cher. Awesome. I can tell. Or- Or like Madonna. I'm Arceus. Cher was like the Madonna of the generation before. Hello, I'm Arceus. I'm the paladin of the group. He also doesn't have the last name. That's you. There is four of us. I said that. I said that.

[00:50:31] So, like the trunks is just fine. It's obviously two of them. Yes, um, but there are two other people. Right now they're getting drunk at the tavern. Probably. Damn, I see. They are probably so- So responsible. They're so responsible. They are very- They're not even old enough to drink yet, probably. I'm 87! I'm 87! You're not 87! That's not- Oh wait, yes you are.

[00:51:00] Well, if you're looking to meet pick up with them, um, they- they will be around the corner of the- the, uh, the, uh, the foamy tanker. Alright. Uh, they don't have word on the sign that it's literally just picture of tanker in the home room. That's amazing, because I think that I am elder. What does he know? You are actually not. Oh man. That would be so much funnier.

[00:51:31] I mean, if you want to be, you can be. No, that'd be so bad in the long run. Yes. I'm dyslexic, so that's- That's what I am. You know, four out of every three people suffer from durable dyslexia. There's no cure-ful sin. There is a treatment center in Grand Mansion for Abeddon. They say drink plenty of fluids. Safe drive-ly. What are you trying to read? No. That's all. No.

[00:52:02] Okay, uh, so we will smash cut to the other two. Um, they went- they went into the, uh, uh, tavern. Tavern? They are ready. No, they went into the- They went there. City hall. You guys were left there in the street. Are you going to go to the- yeah, your head. Oh, for the tavern. Okay. Um, well, you come to a fork in the road. You can go straight, you can go left, you can go right. You gotta get lost. Left is always right.

[00:52:33] I mean, knowing- Knowing it, he might put the smell on the road. Because it's right. Um, not really, because you've never been here before. I'm gonna say we- Yeah. Can you ask someone on the side of the road? Is there even a thorn on the side of the road? The side of the path? Yeah, there's- there's people walking around the town. It's- it's- it's- it's in habit. It's not like there's nobody living there. They're all hiding in their heads. It's a wild west one out of the sidewalk.

[00:53:03] There's a man with a cart full of cabbages. My cabbages! My cabbages! Can we go talk to him and ask for directions? Sure. Uh, waddle waddle. Sup. Sup, what a great way to start the cabbages. Hello sir, um, we're looking for the tavern. Oh. You don't want some of my cabbages? Buy some of his cabbages, I feel bad. And I'm not even there.

[00:53:31] I'm just like, sensitive, I'm like, Buy his cabbages! You buy- you proceed to buy- How much is the cabbages? Cabbage? Uh, I could give you, uh, three cabbages for a silver piece. That's actually- Yeah, that's really good. That is extremely good. Like, these little hugs on it. What? What? They're probably for Steve. They're what? Bugs. I mean, not really.

[00:53:57] Like, they might be the occasional bug, but no more so than you would see in a farmer's market in real life. Usually, but even then you just wash it. Yeah, just wash it up. We have tap water. We have- we're going to be- we camp! And we have found lakes and water these past few days. Everyone! Yes! Okay, so mark off your silver coin, and you can mark down that you have three cabbages. Yippee! I know. We have dinner for tonight!

[00:54:27] We like found four others on there. Unless there's like an in here that we need to say. Hey, rabbit cab- uh, rabbit and cabbage soup is- would be excellent. Hey. Can you have a black chance, isn't it? Plus five thousand? Uh, I wish. Sure, where are you trying to go? Tower. Oh. It's- it's right there. He points to the left and it is like the first door on the left that he's pointing at. It was right, I left. I told you. Oh, thank you! I'm not even there. No, no, no. We have cabbage.

[00:54:57] Don't dish the cabbage. We now have cabbage. Okay, let's go. Now you're going to have to- now he's going to come and try to buy- sell you some more when you're out of the tavern. It's only a silk head. I mean, if he decides to stay- keep what he's like selling at, then I think I'd like a bunch of more for him to show up. So give me a- uh, uh, uh, uh, I guess you're going to have to do a roll. He's pointed straight at where it is. You have to like- Roll! Fee! Him! You'd have to be him to not find out where it is. Thank you good enough. Hello for more.

[00:55:27] Hi. Alright, so uh, you guys are standing out front of this tavern. They're already there. I'm getting straight in. Go inside the tavern. Wait. Okay. Show me your identification. How old are you? 87. How old are you? I'm like he can't go to the other one. Okay. Adulthood for half-orbs is 14. You're still too young. So you're a teenager. Yes!

[00:55:56] Where's our old- So is he! Nobody will know. So is this arrow. I'm a super cool awesome people in teenager. You're an elf. They can see your elf ears. I'll hide them. I just wish. No, they're like really hard I bet you want to lose. Okay, so uh, you step inside. The room is pretty dimly lit but there is some good light coming through the stained glass windows casting a myriad of colors across the walls. There's a handful of tables scattered around.

[00:56:25] Looks like they're, some are made from pine, some are made from oak. One even has a stone tabletop. It's very, it's an odd selection. It's mismatched chairs all over the floor. There's a large pot-bellied stove right down in the middle of the room. It looks like the windows have been cut in the sides so that as you feed the fire it casts light across the whole room.

[00:56:50] At the back of the room there is a, uh, there is a long bar that takes up most of the wall. Uh, at the end there is a door that looks like it goes to the kitchen because every time it swings open, a waft of, uh, the smell of bacon and eggs comes across her nose. This must be where they got the bacon and eggs.

[00:57:10] There is a, um, a younger woman, um, probably, uh, probably a young, like a, uh, a younger adult, um, behind the bar. She is, you know, a little portly but, uh, she's very happy looking, um, with long braided hair and, uh, bright made in the air. And she kind of waves at you excitedly as you come in and as she's, uh, cleaning up some of the, some of the cups from the fridge. Don't have it.

[00:57:39] I, I can, like, believe it's half or something on the car. My age is 87. That's a lie. I was going to make a joke about, like, I'm going to do a good idea. What do you want? Like, alcohol.

[00:58:09] Do you even have the money for it? What do you mean? I think you're poor. I got two gold and two, uh, five silver. I'll be over. I mean, is it a gold used bar? I mean, when you have it, when it comes to cabbage, no. Eight gold for two people? Wait, what are you getting? Wait, what are you getting? I'm probably going to get bacon and eggs. I was probably going to do that as well. Actually, no. I'm just getting, you know, you can get food.

[00:58:38] I bet you alcohol takes damage. What's your favorite thing? Alcohol probably makes you take damage. So are you. You're not taking damage. I'm an adult. I'm an adult. I'm an adult. I'm an adult. I'm an adult. I'm an adult. I'm not going to say that, that's all. I'm not a talker. I'm not a talker. Okay, fine. She looks at you expectantly and kind of waves you up to the bar. Okay, we walked up to the bar. Okay. Hi.

[00:59:09] Good morning. I'm Janet. Such a bad kind of character name. Can we get to the bar now? Sure. I'm about to get killed. Wait, us. Yes. And lightning bolts shoot from her fingertips striking me down. Sorry? Oh, I was asking if we could go to the bar now. Or our first door. You can make your way there, but they've got to have a bit of a seat first. Yes. Yeah, because we have not that.

[00:59:39] We're just like trucking along. We get a little bit lost and then we can finish the back our way there. And then you find the close and you find the same guy. Well, by this point... Same guy and he... We're kind of stupid. I thought you'd take directionals and then the one that hasn't that. By this point, the old man is probably halfway to the door before you guys have gone in to see the mayor. So, it's going to be a few minutes. He's so slow. We have to wait on him first. I'm just great. You guys are the second people in today.

[01:00:09] There's only one other group in so far. Probably about noon. Kind of expected. Taverns don't get to be hopping until around dinner time. He would like to get the... Speak up. Bacon and eggs, thank you. There we go. Microphone can't hear you. Okay. I would like some bacon and eggs, please. And I would like... What would you recommend for your alcohol?

[01:00:44] Well, we have a fantastic breakfast wine. Yeah. Are you taking it? Take it. What do you mean? And then we have some certainly strong bathtub gin. Is that it? Bathtub gin? All the way south of this time. Yep. We've got to wait for our order of meat to come in this evening. Bathtub what? Gin? It was gin.

[01:01:13] It was gin, yes. Or a bowl of wine. I'll take the gin. I mean gin is... I'll take the gin. Gin's strong. Gin is strong. I mean, at least we get like a gin and tonic. Well, for the gin and the plate of food, I have died. We'll call that an evening silver piece.

[01:01:37] And then she calls back to the kitchen.

[01:02:06] Let's go see the corner. Yeah. The back corner. Yeah. Your cries are gonna be so suspicious looking. So we can see anybody who walks through the door. That and so we have more privacy while chatting about anything that we need to chat about. Mike, so we look... What crimes? Did you guys just tell them that you might be meeting up with some friends? Friends? You'll see us. You'll see me. I'm tall. You'll see me. You'll see me on the... I'm tall. You're sitting in the chair and you're just like...

[01:02:35] I'm much higher up. You're standing there like a body... No, no, no. I'm not even standing there. Can I be really tall? Are you sitting in the chair? I'm like freakishly tall. That's me. Yeah, me too. If he stands up, he wants his help to like... Arceus is player tall? No, no, his player. The person playing him. Oh, I'm at like taller, but yeah. He's that taller?

[01:03:03] I'm gonna be like 6'4", 6'5". Taller. I mean, the top end of a Tiefling usually tops out around 6'6". Okay, you're fancy. Dang it! I was hoping one inch taller, but yeah. 6'7"? Yes. Okay, she'll be that, but she'll be like freakishly tall. I am freakishly tall. I need to duck to get into buildings. That's what I'm going to do. That's what I've done.

[01:03:33] Are they like pointy horns or do they curl back? Or do they curl around your ears? Do they got colors? Basically, they like... You drew them? Yeah, pretty much. And you didn't show me the picture? I said I was excited to see your character portrait. Get out of here! If she doesn't want to share, she doesn't have to share.

[01:04:03] Exactly, our gift back. Hold on. So they go like... Move your foot? And then they go out like that. That's pretty much the best I can describe. Oh, that's getting my weapon. Am I allowed to see? No. Thank you. Because it's not very good. I do it in class and I was rushed. Keep in mind, my artistic skill is about that of doing stickmen. Mine! That's all about mine. That's my favorite. That's pretty good. Okay. Doing stickmen is about what I can do.

[01:04:33] Ohhhh. I can do a lot of stickmen. Ohhhh, the doodles next to it. Ohhhh, okay, hold on. Did you draw a lot of penises? Did you fill your book with penises? Work construction and construction guys draw dicks on everything. That is what they do. Yeah, I can attest to that. My dad works in construction. No, wait. Wait. Still not gonna show me? No, no, no, I am. I'm just... Okay.

[01:05:01] You can just worm your way right up. That's the best I can do. Okay, okay. I can see that now, yeah. 6-6. Maybe with the horns pushing 6-7.

[01:05:30] I don't know what my armor looks like so I just doodled something random, so. Alright, so um, right, you guys were... Did anyone else have drawings of their characters or is it just me? Probably just you. What? Just like Aaron said. My accessibility is that of stickmen as well. I spun it.

[01:05:55] If you guys write out a character description, like what your character wears and what race they are and how tall they are and that kind of stuff, uh, editor Chris is more than happy to draw a cartoon version of your character. I swear. He is a pretty good artist. And by pretty good I mean I'm always happy that he draws character portraits for me. We have a new character. New person. This is...

[01:06:21] That's one of the things I drew which is the guy that blew off his own foot. I mean, it's better than I can do. Sounds horrible. It was Jekwavious on the... Okay. This one. It's just a nubal of them. And then it's an error that says, in severe mental anguish. And it says yippee.

[01:06:51] I actually like that you keep notes and that there are pictures to go with your notes. That is excellent. That's amazing. Excellent. I love that. Okay. Alright. So after a few minutes, Tina comes bustling out of the kitchen backwards. She's got a big plate of steaming food in one hand and a drink in the other. And she makes her way over to your table. Give me perception tests. Oh god. Oh wow. We can roll poorly she went through. Oh no!

[01:07:20] If she does then no more food for you. 14. She saves the food. 11. Sorry, this is not a perception. This is a sense motive. Sense motive. It's a skill. It's under wisdom. It might get poisoned. Sense motive? That is not. Sorry, it's what, sense motive is what it used to be called. Now it is, uh, insight. Damn it.

[01:07:48] So wait, do I, do I remove one then or do I keep what I have? Keep your jab. Okay. Um, it's insight now so, still a little alarm. Insight, no no no no no. It's real food, don't say that. It's like you see what happens before it like really really happens I think. It's, no, it's your ability to perceive something beyond what's on the face of it. Something like it.

[01:08:17] So if somebody is lying to you, then it's an insight check to see if they're lying. Okay, nevermind. So then we might, they might actually. I have been a bit to that. I have been a bit to that. I have been a bit to that. Hypothetically, yeah. That could be. Don't, don't, don't think. Hypothetically? Hypothetically. But no, she's, she's wearing a smile but you can, you can tell she's not happy about something. But she comes up to the table and she's like, oh, if you go here.

[01:08:45] Uh, and puts a big plate of, uh, bacon and six eggs on the table in front of you guys. And, uh, and puts a glass of gin down the side. Is there anything else I can get you guys? Are, are you gonna be here for long? Uh, yeah, we'll be here for a while. We're waiting for some friends. Okay, okay. Uh, do you know how long we're gonna be? We need more drinks. We need rooms for the night. What, what are you guys looking for? Um, good question. And as soon as I say good question, we just blam down the door. It's like BOOM!

[01:09:14] Good question. Good question. Where is that room? I got beef with him. Uh, it is, well you guys were on the road for about four and a half. It was probably around one o'clock in the afternoon. I'm gonna say it was like... Let's say... Half an hour. Yeah, half an hour to an hour, yeah. I'm sorry Chris, I gave him a waitress and her name is not Sarah.

[01:09:44] Every single waitress in Chris's games is named Sarah. Why? All of them. Just because he was doing it by accident and he didn't realize because he didn't name them beforehand. Um, so he'd be like, ah, we'll just call them Sarah. So just off the dome? Yeah. And off the dome every time Sarah was the first name that popped into his head. Um, so it kind of became a thing and he didn't realize he was doing it. And then we would be like, ah, and then we would go and we'd sit down in restaurants or,

[01:10:13] uh, or taverns or whatever and we'd be like, and we'd put our hand up and be like, Sarah! And he's like, how do you guys know the waitress's name? She's always Sarah. Always Sarah. Love that. Anyway. You should change her name to make her Sarah now. Uh, no. Because I already had a name picked out. We have to redo all of that. I had a name picked out already anyway. Uh, so, yeah. Just call her name?

[01:10:45] Can you pull it? Can you pull it in here? Sure. Okay. Great. Uh, I guess I'll check back up on you guys in a little bit then. Uh, and then she moves off back to the kitchen. Wow! We coming. What are you guys doing anything before they arrive? Yeah, let's drink your alcohol. Talk about that and eat the food before they get here. Yeah, so, like, yeah, so make them pay for their own. I'm not paying for everything.

[01:11:15] Wow! Come on, walking the bed machine, let's go. So you guys are eating your food and drinking your drink? Yes. Yep. Okay. You can give me a constitution save. Huh? What? What? Just her. What? Oh, is this the- Cause you're a child drinking bath of gin. Of course you're gonna have to do that. I'm like 87. Okay, what is it plus? 87 is a- It's a child. It's a child for an owl.

[01:11:44] Constitution saving throw. So it's your die 20 plus your constitution modifier. Constitution's the third one. One. You rolled a one. Oh! Oh! I was just thinking like, ooh! You go to take a sip from this drink and the second it hits your tongue, it is vile and you hate it. You're like gin. And your stomach starts gurgling. Oh no!

[01:12:13] And you tear off out the front door and throw up in the bushes. So I'm left sitting here with my bacon eggs. I want the bacon eggs. I want the bacon eggs. I want the bacon eggs. I'll be an outgamal like four years. Come on, kill princess. I will kill your hamster. It's a chipmunk. It's a chipmunk. It's a chipmunk. I will kill your chipmunk.

[01:12:42] They have, like, invincibility. Now let's not get hung up on who's killing whose pet. Okay, and yeah. We just walk over and we find Sparrow, like, absolutely- And she's like, retching in this shrubbery. What did you do? What did you do? I wanted to be a child alcoholic. Like, I look at you and I'm like, do you need some water?

[01:13:12] No, I'll need alcohol. I'm just gonna need alcohol. Go spray a day and have another sip. No, no, no, no. I'm just gonna steal their drink. I'm just gonna, like, take it from them. Until the drink's gone. Yeah. I'm just gonna look at you as- I'm gonna really steal their drink. I'm gonna go inside and I'm gonna take it from them. Chug it right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bottom top. Remember, gin is stronger than the other option of the main kid. Or, than the other option of the- the- the- the- she- Uh, so, what are you guys doing?

[01:13:41] The breakfast wine. No! You said you hated it! No, because I'm being an alcohol. It's the breakfast wine. Just know that every time- No, no, every time- It was on the breakfast wine that was- Every time you fail- That was the- The next DC gets hard. Okay. It can't be worse than a long ago. It- it- it- it- it- Drink it again. Zero. Fourteen. Okay. That is good. You actually managed to keep it down this time. It hits your belly.

[01:14:13] Um... It's like- Rotate at least 90 degrees. Okay, you're gonna suffer a disadvantage on dexterity checks. That's like your best skill. That is actually a thing. That is your best skill! Is it? No, it's not. No, it's wisdom. It's wisdom. Wisdom. And then dexterity. And then dexterity! Okay.

[01:14:41] Okay, now are we there yet? Yeah. You guys- you guys caught her throwing up in the bushes. Well, I don't know. I- I like- I look at her and I'm like- I need to have a different- Man, I kinda want one of them. Janet sees you, uh, come in and waves at you from the bar. Um... Man, there's just me in the corner and I'm just sitting there. You're just like- My friend, that's me! The noises! Angry falter noises. Yes. Sad falter noises.

[01:15:13] It's just like- Rock ball noises, just like- Bang! Bang! No, it's just pebbles. Pebbles. Just like- Just like- Just pebbles everywhere. Oh, there's just like- There's gravel coating on the floor. Okay, yeah. Okay. What are you two doing? Yeah, come on. I like drag you with me up to the bar. Besides that.

[01:15:42] Besides getting here, what are you doing now? Oh, get me today. Do you want something, dude? I think they have food. Do you want food? Do you want food? Are you hungry right now? I always want food. Okay. I always want food. So, oh- but okay. But no.

[01:16:15] Something else. Okay, so wait- I looked back at the bar and I was like, what did you get? I just jumped across the bar and I was like, what did you- Building for you guys. Oh right, I just like- Dude, I went back to those roof on the roof. Yeah, but now you- Okay. Uh- Yeah. One of the- Yeah. One of the roof, I think.

[01:16:44] Wait, is there- is there another roof? Watching the rook in the end. Oh my goodness. No, remember when- Rook comes in and you won't talk your ass. Off of two- Not even- not even two- Just like- One- And then just one. No, cause I finished the plan. You finished- No you didn't! No you didn't. No you did not! I can't even do my own handwriting. I don't know if I have 15 silver or if it's- Yeah. Damn.

[01:17:13] Did I finish the- Let's go. Yeah. Yeah, you shot them all back in one row. I- Cause you knew that you couldn't taste it. Oh, okay. I have- Okay, yeah, I gave her once a month. Okay. Uh, she calls back to the kitchen at- Telling Tina that- For another plate. Oh. Uh, no, I did it once. Once is enough. No, that's not. Uh, no, for the editor's sake. Yeah. Um, calls back to the kitchen for- For a plate of food.

[01:17:41] And uh, and she reaches under the counter and pours you a- A cup out of this ugly brown clay jug. And then hands you your drink. Thank you. I like pain, I see. Yeah, you probably have to do it. Can I give her a tip, actually? What, another silver? Yeah, I'm gonna give her one extra silver. Okay, so now you have two silver. Yeah. A tip. She, uh, she cuts you away and thinks, oh, thanks, sweetheart. And then she, uh, she goes back down the bar, she keeps cleaning up.

[01:18:11] Wait, is it- is like- Is she ever- Is it another person or is there more people in here? Because you said that there was, um, one- That there was another group? Yeah, okay, so it was another group. Okay. I like walk over to you and I'm like, hey, dude. You're very lonely over here, aren't you? Well, yeah, we got- We got sparrowed. Where is Arceus? Oh, wait, no. Oh, yeah, you were. I spent his-

[01:18:44] Tip Janet with- Tip Janet with his silver. I do have four silver. But I looked at his sheet and I was like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna give away two silver. Oh, no, it was his handwriting this garbage. A piece of bacon and half an egg. No, no, no, it's like those things where it's like the guy steals the girlfriend's wallet to pay for it to-

[01:19:14] Who's the girlfriend in this scenario? I don't think a few minutes ago- Arceus would be the girl. Tough luck. No, you don't!

[01:19:43] I have a full-grown beard, bushy- No, I still have- No, you don't- You took this half-seared beard. I have this- I have this dwarf's beard. Try. A half of the dwarf's beard. A half-seared dwarf's beard. Look at this. Wait, do you guys? Do you think I have- Never mind. It went quiet as soon as it started talking, so now I don't want to say it. Okay, so you carry teeth, I carry tentacles, and you carry- I can sell for the wrong. I'm a bull!

[01:20:33] I'm a little old to have watched it, but there were some- Bombs for all ages, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, I don't know if these are. No. Not really. Yes, it is. There's only a certain level of stupid I can handle. What? Damn!

[01:21:03] I'm sorry for laughing, that was well played. Funny. Not nice, but funny. They're going for some trouble. Okay, um, so you guys are sitting at the table. I will give them some bacon and eggs for that. I'm gonna sit down, I'm gonna- You didn't deserve it, but I'll laugh you some bacon. I'm gonna have a small sip of my drink. I agree, just now on your face.

[01:21:34] Constitution saving pro now? Yes. Oh, Sushi's your third one. I think she's actually proficient in Constitution saves. I might, I might. I am. I am! I am too. Plus four. You're not. Okay. It says two. I love you. Say!

[01:21:59] Okay, it goes down, it burns, it does not taste pleasant, but it goes down. Like, you are also going to suffer disadvantage on all dexterity checks for the next hour. Aw man. Uh, but you guys are sitting at the table and Tina comes out, um, with a large plate of bacon and eggs, uh, and drops it off at the table.

[01:22:28] I see your friends finally arrived. Um, you have friends? Yeah, you. We're late. We're late. We're late. I didn't think they trusted us yet. I don't. I was gonna say she doesn't, but still. Are you guys gonna be in town for long? Um, probably not. We are, uh, traveling across the country. We're traveling from the United States of America. We're trying to travel to the city, to the city further up. Yeah. I see. I see. Further north.

[01:22:58] What's, uh, what's taking you guys north? Um, there's a, yeah. Wait, what? You look. Yeah, Sparrow's mom. Yup. I mean, uh, okay. She has some great corn on the cob up there. Sparrow's mom. You guys know. That was the joke. At least you got half of it.

[01:23:27] Oh wow, I guess you really are like your character. No, this is what happens to people specifically. Imagine you're a character. Mine. So then you guys are just staged like day or? Uh, yeah, probably. Or, uh, gonna stay for the week? Uh, yeah, probably like a day. Cause it's all like, probably just for the night. To be honest. We're probably gonna be leaving in the morning to get an early start. Can't consider the drunk ones and not being.

[01:23:56] Wait, why am I talking? I'm drunk. Am I like slurring my feet? You just, you just ingested it. It has to take time. We're like, I'm like slightly. That and the fact. Drunk drunk. You're just. Like a little bit. Yeah, you're a bit. You're squiffy. Squiffy. Squiffy? Squiffy is a word to describe a lot of drunk artists. Awesome, I love that word. I love that. That's one of my new favorite words now. He's squiffy. I love squiffy. I'm gonna do it in my chair. As soon as I get my pet gear I'm gonna be squiffy.

[01:24:24] Monix's name may be squiffy, but he's too. I'm swift. I'm normal. Okay, so you guys are sitting there, you have breakfast, you've got drinks. Tina comes by and checks on you a couple more times. Those of you who weren't here before, you can give me insight checks. Okay. Please tell us, please just like see if you can note. 20. Natural 20? Yep. And plus your insight, whatever that is, so it's like a total lot. Oh wait, plus your insight, nothing.

[01:24:54] So, natural 20. Okay. Okay. She's wearing a smile, but her eyes are red. She's been crying. Aw. She is very upset about something, but she is putting on a brave face. Okay. Can we ask her what happened? Yeah, can I ask her? We don't know. It's something that Ethan noticed, it's not us. You can give me a persuasion test. No, we didn't know what you did. No, we didn't know what you did. No, we didn't know what you did. She has been crying or anything. Yeah, but now it's worse.

[01:25:24] Yeah, no, it's not. It's just Ethan is better noticing that. We don't know this. Yeah, because it's like... I'm the people first. Eh, yeah. Wait, hold on. Press persuasion. Okay. 18. Okay. She puts her hand on your arm and she says, thank you for asking. My sister went missing yesterday. No.

[01:25:54] Oh, wow. Guys, shut up! My sister went missing yesterday and nobody's heard from her. She didn't come home last night. Um, she was out playing with some of her friends and she's just, she's just gone. Um, and I mean, you guys look like you're capable. I mean, she reaches out and pulls a twig out of your hair. You've at least been staying out in the woods for a while. She flips it to the floor.

[01:26:25] Um... Why did you do this? Did you chuck your hair behind your ear? Did you go like... Cause I just went like that. If uh... You guys would be willing to help. Look, I've got a little bit of money saved though. I have to. Guys! I'm not paladin. Shut up! We're gonna help this girl- This lady find my sister. I was- I was- Shut up, Sparrow! I'm paladin this girl! He says nothing!

[01:26:55] Shut up! You shut up with the hand movements! You don't get an option. You don't get an option. You don't have a choice. We don't help this lady. You start with us whether you like it or not. Actually, you guys can do that when me and the sand. They're the survival one. You're gonna order more gin, aren't you? Yeah, you're just gonna- You're gonna- You're gonna- You're gonna- You're gonna- You're gonna- You're gonna- You're gonna- You're gonna- You're gonna- Literally die of alcohol poisoning Before you even, like, Are considered an adult in- You don't get to build a boat- You don't get to build a boat- For treasure.

[01:27:24] Yeah, I mean, you might just be- Don't be the one to sail that boat for treasure. Like, starting your sailor journey by starting drinking at a young age. We're gonna build a boat without you. It's gonna be much cooler. It's gonna- No it's not! It's gonna be so good! I'm gonna have a full boat, you know! It's gonna be a lot- We're gonna have a sailboat. It's gonna be a lot- We're gonna find Brooke and look at the force and teach us how to build a boat. It's gonna be 30 rocks, and a 20- And a 20- And a random- And a random horse- And a random horse? What are we willing to get together with? Let's see- Leaves!

[01:27:54] What are we doing? I guess- We're just chilling! I guess I'll ask you in more detail. A drag sparrow with us, we're going. Do we know- Do we know what it is? Yeah, can I ask- Um, where- Where was the last scene? She was out with her friends playing off in the woods, and that's the last anybody saw of her. Do you know which one? Do you know her friends? Like, their names maybe? Uh, yeah, there's, um, we're at the face of the mini-class.

[01:28:23] Jimmy, Sally, and Suzy. Suzy Sheen! Two different X names. Suzy Sheen or Suzy. Um, and they live above- And they- They live above- And they- What do you mean these- We're questioning the adults. We don't know- Uh, they're adults?

[01:28:52] Why would they be playing in the woods? We- The children that are playing in the woods are gone. We have to question the adults. Well, no, I'm gonna ask like- No, it's the friends- Are the friends also missing? Or is it just- Well, that's why we're gonna go talk to them because they're not- I haven't seen any of them. So they're all missing. I-I assume the others went- Uh, got home, but I haven't seen any of them. Okay, we'll go knock door to door, I guess. No, no, no, no, no, no. We have- Okay. Okay. Uh- What-

[01:29:21] What was your younger sister's name? Anything important? Investigation. Sorry, I didn't actually give this kid a name. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Alright, Sarah it is. Sarah with an H. Yeah! Sarah with an H. Yep. You know. Okay. Guys, we're gonna look for this missing girl. Sparrow, I know you're not happy about this, but we got a- I gotta at least- I-

[01:29:48] I gotta earn back my lawful good title, okay? I thought you were gonna say earn back some- I thought you were gonna say earn back some silver when it wasn't even yours that you used. I don't suppose there's a- Good title! You're gonna earn two more- My lawful good title! I'm sitting at chaotic neutral right now. I don't suppose there's a church nearby. My goal at the end of this is to get one of you too chaotic. This is what our Halloween costume should be. No, what Sparrow's goal by the end of this is is to be a full blown alcohol. And a man. That rides boats. And a sailor. No, I'm the sailor. Sorry Sarah, that builds boats. I'm the sailor.

[01:30:18] I build boats for treasure. And I sail them. And he goes to hunt. Yeah. You two are like- Would make it like a perfect team. You sail the boats, you build the boats. When she's not an alcoholic. You're a perfect team. I'mma build boats that sink. Oh. I'll fix them up. He'll steer it like it's an eraser. He'll have it up in the air.

[01:30:46] Sitting at a full 90 degree angle. That's a good thing. They flying parts of the Caribbean cooler. You could steer them. You could steer them. You could steer them. Okay, so how do you guys want to go about this? We gotta go question the kids. We're gonna go down to the LB shop. I guess one of the LB shop is at the LB shop. Or whatever. We're gonna be like, Hey, we're looking for the kids' names that I've mystically forgotten. Can you tell us the general names? It was something Sally and Susie, right? Jimmy- Jimmy, Sally, and Susie. I remember two of them.

[01:31:16] Jimmy, Sally, and Susie. Do you remember the basic names? Yes. We're-we're-we're-we're-let's just say it. We know the general direction of it. Aspen, we're really Sarah. Down the block. This town is two streets, man. I was gonna say, that's why- I'm here. Yeah, he's kind of stupid. It's like, when we were asked where the tavern was, and it was just right there. Because we looked like idiots because there's like nothing here. It's a town, not a city.

[01:31:45] It's a town, not a city. I guess. We finish our food and alcohol and we wander off. Oh yeah, I just like tug at lunch. Okay. We make that two hours. Wait, no. It only takes you about five minutes to walk from one side of the town to the other. It is- And I roll you. I'm just like, look, look, look. Why are you rolling me? Okay, look, it's okay. Cause you're a wreck. I'm a- Okay. Uh, you guys, uh, after- Well, your pills are already paid. You paid them all front.

[01:32:14] Um, are you all heading out together? Yes. Yes. Sparrow, you're coming in this way. I'm dragging Sparrow. Like it or not. That's what I said I was doing, and I'm doing that. I'm dragging Sparrow because she doesn't want to go. No. Man, the worst. Are you- are you actually resisting going? He's gonna make you roll a strength check. No, I'm not. I mean, it's gonna be a dexterity check. You're gonna do it at disadvantage. She's Squiffy.

[01:32:45] I'm Squiffy. Still. I thought it was you. Nah, nah, nah. She escapes, but then she trips. I thought Ethan was Squiffy. I am also very Squiffy. They both have one thing. Squiffy? I think I am Squiffy IRL guys. She escapes and then trips on a rock. I was the one dragging them. How would it be me if they like jump and then they're-

[01:33:14] You guys walk down the block and you want to see a sign above the door. There's no writing on it, but it has a very intricately carved cauldron with a little fire built underneath it. You're in there! I don't assume as much, but that's where we need to be. I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, let's investigate. I see the meaning of it. Wet spaghetti noodles. Wet spaghetti noodles. What? What? Let's just wander in.

[01:33:43] Uh, there- The air in here is heavy with like all kinds of like herb smells and like chemical smells. It is potent in here. The fire in the war fires. Stinky! The windows are all open and it's been well ventilated. Like there's no smoke angle in there. You can see a number of like a couple of cauldrons going in fireplaces.

[01:34:06] And there's like an alumbic with a, uh, with like a little, um, looks like a magic handle underneath it that's constantly burning, boiling stuff off in glass test tubes. And, uh, there's, there's coppers. I've been running from, from one thing to another all over the place. It looks very, uh, uh, uh, complicated. Too complicated for me. And there's an elderly woman.

[01:34:34] Um, she's, she's wearing a pair of, uh, a pair of, um, colored glass goggles. Uh, sticking behind the counter measuring out a bunch of, uh, a bunch of different powders into different, uh, into different beakers and glassware. She hasn't noticed you guys come in. Yeah, like I walk off the floor and some- They didn't notice you walk in. But also, I'm looking for these two kids that live on the stairs. Oh!

[01:35:01] Jimmy, Sally and Susie. You make a little- Sally and Susie can come home last night. Okay. Oh! Crap, okay. So, that's, that's three kids that are missing. God, this might be above our pay grade, guys. We don't even know how much she was giving us. I don't care. Do you guys, do you guys know where they went? No, we are, we are actively looking for them. We are now part of the search party. I think we are the search party. Hush. Yeah, we are at the search party. Hush.

[01:35:31] How much? Who else is going missing? Um, Sarah. The sister to the top or no? Okay, wait. Sarah, Jimmy, Sally and Susie are all missing. Yeah. Wait, what about Jimmy? Is Jimmy missing? We have a funny word about Jimmy. I have no idea. Oh my- Okay, so Jimmy's dead. Jimmy's, Jimmy's dad works at the uh- What church? What church? Church, church, church, church. Uh, at the chapter house. Darn.

[01:36:01] Close. Not really, but- Alright then, we're gonna go, I guess, investigate over there. Okay, yeah. So, um- Well, last I knew that the girls were going with their friends to take a look in the graveyard, though they've been hanging out in the woods a lot lately too, and- Holy cuck. Ohhhhh. Shut up.

[01:36:31] The graveyard, the woods, or the- The planes. Imagine there's- Please don't be the planes. I mean- No, no, no. God forbid, but- No. It's possible, but I don't think so. They know better than just stray onto the planes. He's gonna get out of the- He's gonna get out of the- The only thing over on the planes is the Elder Ranch, and they stay pretty quiet.

[01:36:58] They don't really come to town that often, but they don't really run into any problems with the land of our- I think they have a deal with them. Um, but no, they've been- They've been hanging out in the woods or the, uh, or the graveyard, or where they- Or where they mostly go. The people. Oh, there's a big time. You must go. Let's not split up. How about- Yes, let's do that. I'd rather do that. So I'm all- I'd rather not be stuck with this one. We're gonna have to go to the- The other places they probably aren't gonna go.

[01:37:27] I was gonna say, if we split up, then we're guaranteed to get some information. If we go to one, then we're probably gonna be at the other. How about people who are still teaching for them? Okay, yeah. If we go to the graveyard, it's gonna be in the forest. How about me and Sparrow go to the graveyard, and you just go to the woods? Oh yes, the- yes, the- the squiffy ones are gonna go and do that themselves. I still- I think it's better that we, like, take one squiffy each. Which squiffy do you want? I'm gonna take him, because I don't want to be with him anymore. Okay, brief aside.

[01:37:58] Arceus. Uh, Chris says, Also, I'm mildly disturbed by the player who wants to sell a dwarf's beer. Watch it work. Is he not concerned by the fact I wanted to keep a tentacle man's teeth? Can you imagine that? I want to keep a tentacle. Well yeah, you have a tentacle. I don't know why you would keep a tentacle.

[01:38:24] Because I can in your future, I can possibly experiment on myself and make it so I have black. Start being. What? Okay. I should start being, but- This way, you do that. You sound like you're being- you sound like you're really playing into- playing into being squiffy. You are really playing into the squiffy roll- eh. So, are we going to the graveyard that means? Yeah. Okay, so wait, then we're going to the flies? Sorry. The graveyard, uh- forest.

[01:38:52] The graveyard, the forest, or the swamp. Okay, let's split up on three. This is going to be one, one, and two. I can be one. No! Let's check the swamp. We'll do the- we'll do- wait, which one sounds the worst for- for- I split up the swamp. Because then we'll do the- then we'll do the swamp all together.

[01:39:21] The swamp will probably have lower decks. Yeah. We'll do the swamp together so we- To the graveyard! Alright. Okay. Well, no, what about the woods with- You two have to- Because they- He could backhand anything and it would probably die. I- No, I can't! I literally- I literally can't! About- Stupid woods, yeah. That's where- That's where- That's where the chip is.

[01:39:49] There's going to be smarter beings in the- In the forest. I'm going to make a fortune.

[01:39:54] You're not David Nuck- We're doing an unboxing. Shhh!

[01:40:24] Yeah, at least we're unboxing. He's doing a plague doc- He's doing a plague doc- Oh, yeah. We are doing a literal unboxing. We're doing an unboxing. Shhh! An unboxing of many bodies tonight. Find his, um, spell book. I don't think he'll read that. You cannot- No! Cause wizards would not probably want to give up their spell book. So they'll probably be very good.

[01:40:52] So I'm probably going to dig it up and dig it up. Find a bard. Give me a history check. Okay. Wait, that says you found something. Ooh. Did I? Really? Uh- Or that says you found something or you're just like- No, just for her- Oh, Jesus. That's actually really good. What- what- what are your bonuses, Sparrow? Nothing. It's based on- It's intelligence. It's based on five minutes after you miss. Clipers are very super- Whoooooo! See if you know nothing.

[01:41:22] That's a- That's a six. That'd be a six. That'd be a six. That'd be a six. Took him over again. I mean- Yeah. Sparrow. Which are incredibly rare, but it's impossible, I guess. Sparrow. Hatch. I'll show you things. This hatch is gonna dig it. The- One point of day.

[01:41:54] Um, no. Okay, so they're- So, so what are you guys- Yeah. We're going to the Grey Guard in Arceus and they're going to the woods. Yeah. You guys are splitting the party. Yes we are. Why? I thought we just- That was a consensus. We can cover one ground- And then we're doing the swamp together as a full party. We can cover one ground this way. And then we're going to the swamp together. What if you guys take- Wait, if you guys take- If you guys take- Maybe he's screwed because he was at 480p last time. Yeah, but now I'm-

[01:42:23] I don't know- I don't know- 20 more. I- I don't know why- 20 more than last time. I don't know. So we split again. Yes. No. Yes. Oh no. I don't trust this. I don't like that. I don't like what that just was right there. No, it just- It's a lot more on here. Okay. We're thinking logically but- We're thinking logically but- Harder. Harseness.

[01:42:50] I realize you guys are in a fantasy setting. This is not the real world. Yes. Where if a child grows missing, you guys could, you know, all split up logically to go- Oh no. To cover a level of patience. Oh no. In a fantasy world where there are literal monsters everywhere. I'll stay together. Is that a good idea? No. Yes. But. That's a fabulous idea. No, but.

[01:43:22] Let's not have a level. I'm just saying- I think so. It could be a TPK moment. Why not? Let's just go. But also, if we're splitting the party, then that means now I have to do one group, and then another group. That's what you're saying. And then one group. So then you guys are gonna be, like, those of you who aren't in scene are gonna be sitting there doing nothing for a good long while.

[01:43:53] I don't know. Okay, fine. Let's all go in the right way. I'm not saying you have to. I will run this. Yeah, but then it just seems like you're making it- You know what? I know what I can- I think I know what you're doing. You're trying to, like, you're trying to make it sound bad for you so we can say together since, less for you. It is- It is a pain in the butt for me. But- It is also- There's a good chance there's gonna be monsters we have to defeat together. Fine. Because we're gonna say- Ryan- Where are we going first? Bigger! We're not-

[01:44:22] We're not unboxing anybody. Okay? We're doing an unboxing. Yeah, but I'm still the grave since someone's- No! Probably I'll get arrested for that. Yeah. Yeah, grave robbing was illegal at one point. It's not even grave robbing, it's just taking the- the headstone. Yeah. Yeah, did you know? What value does a headstone have? Exactly! Sell it back to the family. So it's not- it's not grave robbing. Three bronze. Not even. Half a bronze.

[01:44:51] Sell it back to the family for an outrageous price. No! See, I'll fall for their money. No! What monster are you? You're going to extort the families of dead people. Yes. And get beat up. And then they're going from the same- Like, film like a random- Legendary- Legendary- Legendary- Legendary- Legendary- Legendary- Everyone else missed what the team is. Is what they currently go for, yes.

[01:45:19] But it's a fantasy waron, then. However, it's a fantasy waron. Legendary- But that's what you have to pay to get a gravestone made. That's not what they're worth. Well, you flawed. Because like, if somebody comes to you with a gravestone that says, uh, uh- Daniel- Child of Harry Potter- Peter Frankenfurt. Born, 1956. Die, 1972. And they're like, here, I'll get this to you for $3,000.

[01:45:49] Are you going to buy that? No! Yes! Extortion! Extortion! For a- Even then, Grey Park. Well, we didn't even live 20 years. We didn't even live 20 years. Extortion! That's what I'm talking about. Extort the family. Steal their money. All of it. Okay, everybody to the Grey Garden. They're horrifically poor and bankrupt. Going to the Grey Garden. For no reason except for the most. So we're going in the same order. We need the ones that are squiffy? That's what it's called?

[01:46:19] Squiffy. Yeah, we need the squiffy ones in the middle. Are you going to get laid? Yes! Yes, you are. You're last! You're first. So, you guys are running faster than me. I can run faster than all of you drunk. Then why don't you go fine? You're squiffy not drunk. No, squiffy. I'll go back to the-

[01:46:52] Physically getting drunk. Thank you very much. I'll do this. But you're walking away now. It's hard about me because I got up with this. It's a squiffy. About trying to fix the fact that she's not drunk. That she's squiffy. No going- It's just stupid to go back and go and get drunk and make it worse for everyone. Stop getting drunk.

[01:47:21] You shouldn't be an alcoholic at a teenager in elf years. You squiffy too! You can't even! You can't even! I'm just like, that's different. Wait, who's the closest to an elf kid? I'm like 17. How old is our case? 18. No, 19. Something like that. 87. Yeah. That definitely makes you an adult! But what is that in? Oh wait, wouldn't it like- It's an actual year.

[01:47:50] You have to wait. You guys are both like- You guys are all basically the equivalent of 17. Nevermind. I think it's you. Man. What? So, does that mean- It's one of you two. In a different campaign, I can use this character but aged up. Because I didn't actually make a different character. Okay. But, well no. I made a character and then we changed it, so. Because she's very, very different when he's in the adult.

[01:48:20] I wouldn't work out one of my older characters. No. Well- I could go without the piranha planet. Maybe. Perhaps. I can't. I made a joke and you didn't get it. Because you said your character and I was like, I won't go without piranha planet. There it is. Am I meant to get it? Okay. Or is it just a thing for the two of you? Well, the cemetery is off to the north. I'm not with the one of my old D&D camps. The forest is on to the west.

[01:48:50] Okay, we'll close just to- And the swamp is down to the south. Huh? So- Wait, smoke north. You guys are headed north. Okay. Monoplan was a character that I was in his D&D game. That's why he was supposed to get it. What in the hell are you pointing at? It's only about a 30- You guys find out that it's only about a 30 minute walk from town? Okay.

[01:49:19] So, are you taking your horses with you? Yes. I'm like ass and- Grandess. Grandess. Grandess. And Chip. Be the Tee-Koo-Tee. Alright, by the time you guys finally get around to getting ready to go, based on your shenanigans, it is getting to be later in the evening, probably about 5.30, 6 o'clock. So now- Okay. This is a good chance of going into the night. I don't think we should waste time.

[01:49:49] I think we're stupid bad. I think we should waste some time so we don't get over-rot and like get ourselves killed. We also know that there is- It's a fantasy world. A camel thing. Slowly behind us. The what? The Rakshatska. Rakshaza? They are behind us somewhere. Probably on the way here. Well- Yes but the more time that we like- Is that a wall?

[01:50:19] Are you looking at monsters? I'm waiting for you guys to do that. Blind guy over there, Arceus! What are you pointing at? Arceus, what are we doing? Grandpa-pop, what are you pointing at? Is he pointing at? There, other wall. Where is it? I don't know.

[01:50:53] I poked him with this. That's too old. Okay, so what are we doing? On our way to the graveyard.

[01:51:22] Okay. So you guys are taking your horses or not? My five-legged ass, yes. For sure. You're on the road for about a half an hour. Nothing really eventful happens. Harry... Stop throwing things into me. Holy shit. After a time, a wrought iron fence comes into you.

[01:51:49] And a break in the hedgerows you see off to the sides that denote where there are farms. And you know that the wrought iron fence shows the borders of the cemetery. It is rather large. For a... I mean, that's where I tell that one. You see it.

[01:52:16] Give me a comfort place. This is my... Oh, boy. This is a very old town. It's not... It's not a large town, but it has been here for probably 500 years. So generations upon generations upon generations of people have been buried here.

[01:52:44] As was this very close to the site of a reasonably famous battle. Did it involve portals? Why'd you look at me like that? Did you know it? Did it involve portals? I'm smart. It's only... It's only... It's only... The battle was a few hundred years ago. Involved portals? No. The portal was out.

[01:53:21] You guys... You guys arrive at the... At the cemetery. There's a... Big locked gate right at the entrance. Boulder, break it open. At least you got it right. But... Now I won't. Okay, sorry. Don't break it. Lock it. Lock it. Lock it. You may give me a...

[01:53:52] Dexter... Uh... Yeah. Yeah. Proficiency plus dexterity. Two... Four... Plus... And I also have the kit, so... Yep. That's why... If you didn't have the kit, you wouldn't be able to do it. That's that. That's also why proficiency's there. Sixteen. Sixteen. That'll do it. It's not a very complicated lock. It's really mostly just out of respect, not because they're really worried about anybody breaking in. Yeah.

[01:54:21] So you kneel down, you take a minute or so, and the lock just pops open. The gate swings open with a loud creaking noise. I'm afraid. And, uh... Yeah. You've got... You've opened the gate. Why is it? Why is it ominous? Open the gate. Yeah, but it's not. Not yet. It's a cemetery. Most... There's nobody guard... What cemeteries do you know that are all? There's nobody guarding it, so they... Keep it locked. How are you... Keep it locked all the time.

[01:54:53] There's a guard there. There's a guard there. Now I do it. So there's not in front of the... Not in this one. I got a SpongeBob pad. Okay, let's go find two of them. Uh... Do we even go talk to... Uh... Jimmy's dad? No. No? Of course we didn't. Awesome. So we have no clue if he's missing at all.

[01:55:23] All we know is that... We'll find him along the way. Sally? Mm-hmm. Susie and Sarah are the same. Yes. No! When I think of the name Sarah, I think of with an H. She doesn't have an H. Okay, but when I think of the name Sarah, I think of it with an H. Because all the other Sarahs I know have it spelled with an H. Do you know? Uh-huh.

[01:55:51] Let's tell a selfie. Yeah. So you guys are standing at this open gate to the cemetery. Final. Just because... I was... I don't want to argue. I won't take the front. We got these two in the mail. We got our gifts in the back. I'm gonna make sure she's not robbing any graves.

[01:56:21] The dirt? Sell it to that witch lady. Curse dirt. You mean the alchemist? Curse dirt? Curse. Do you mean the alchemist? The witch lady. Yes. The witch lady. The witch lady. It was an alchemist. I know it was an alchemist. It was not a witch. I know it was an alchemist. I'm going with the... There's no witches and wizards in this. I know. So it's an alchemist? I know.

[01:56:51] You can't leave. Aren't the spiritualistic person together? Okay, so are we going in? Or are we just like... Yeah, let's go in. We're still standing here. Let's wander in. I will watch these two walk around, I guess. Ethan? Ethan. I'll watch Ethan and Sparrow. You walk around, I guess, with the place. Huh? What? Correct. We're going in the cemetery now. Okay. Okay.

[01:57:21] I want you guys to give me investigation checks. Yeah, yeah. Um, investigation?

[01:57:51] That's crazy. That's crazy. Okay. So as you guys are wandering the graveyard trying to find any sort of looms, you guys find lots of... Lots of facts. Looks like people visit their loved ones here frequently. There's fresh flowers on some of the graves. You're not stealing it. And, uh... I'm prohibiting you. You... Just carry you off.

[01:58:21] On one side there is a bush, and it just kind of looks bent, like it's been broken. And upon investigation, you find the cemetery caretaker eviscerated in the bush. His stomach has been, like, ripped from his... Ripped from his torso. There's just a gaping wound where his... Where the jelly ought to be. Hello. You're the survivor.

[01:58:51] I look at him and I turn back and I'm like, Um... Guy? Something. You know we were looking for clues? Yeah, I think I got one right here. Yeah? What do you mean no wonder why it was locked? He wouldn't be able to lock it. How did he lock it? How did... It was locked before. What attack... Whatever attack unless he'll be in, or... Shut up. Shut up.

[01:59:21] Shut up. Can we do a perception check to see if there's, like, anything broke... Any broken metal or anything around here? Are you cases good? Give me a perception test. And then you see something, but there really is nothing. He's gonna see nothing, because he's too... Blind. Seven. He's too horrified by his death. From what you can tell, the wrought iron fence is completely intact. There is no problem. Can somebody else look? Whatever it is, it's still in here. Can anybody else look?

[01:59:50] What, you don't like that it might still be in here? Whatever did that do? No. You're blind. You can't see anyway. I saw the bars are intact, so... If it was locked, then there must have been a break in the first place for him to get in. With that investigation wall from YouTube, we do also find some smaller footprints. Children! That, uh... How... They didn't come past this bush, but you do catch sight of them, and it looks like there's a, uh, brightly covered scarf

[02:00:19] over off on the other side. Um, the tracks seem to lead off towards the, uh, the mausoleum. Mausoleum, guys! Mausoleum! Can we go follow it? Actually, I just realized I should be doing the stealthy stuff. You're doing the stealthy stuff? Stealthy stuff! I shit.

[02:00:51] As, uh, you guys spend... You spend probably about an hour searching for clues and whatnot. Um... Do you guys, uh, do anything about the, uh, about the caretaker, or... Uh, no. I guess... Or are you just proceeding on with trying to find these kids? I don't know. We should... I feel... We should... We should... We should... We should... I'm feeling... We should probably... We should probably go... It's a trimester night. I'm not restating. We should probably go back... Or I... Inform everyone. I'm telling you he needs to take, like, a long rest. He's rather...

[02:01:20] Can I do his finger? Sleep! Go to sleep! And I'm like, why? Why would I do that? And they're just like, for no reason. They're really weird. Can I take his finger? I know. I don't know why. What do you want? It's... What do you want? It's... Did you say his finger? You're not allowed to just point your finger. I will...

[02:01:47] It does not make sense. What, to go with the tentacle you have? He can take that back down to the bar and he can, like, have... Wait, what race are these people? He has physical proof that something is there. No, what race are these people? Why did them just walk over with us? We didn't, like... The caretaker, he appears to be half-elven. Wow. What? Take his ear. Take his ear. What?

[02:02:17] What are the towns in Havid? Mostly human. Though it does have a... It does have a half-elven population. A little bit... A small amount of everything except for half-elven. Again, I can lie about my age because I'm... I'm saying you're seven, at least part of the UFC number. Yeah. The guard... The guard has probably seen one of the guards. Chop his finger off and... Was he married? It won't be on... You want the pointer finger?

[02:02:46] That's not what the ring will be on. It goes on ring. You're not taking his ring. You are not taking his ring finger. He was married. There is a... A worthless pewter ring on his finger. He's poor. Wait, what is he? Half-elven. He's a half-elven poor man. Literally a caretaker

[02:03:16] and a grave digger. She's a grave digger? How do you think they put the bodies in the ground? Who do you think digs the hole? It's literally a job. It's half-elven thing. I know. Can I... Wait, never mind. I guess not. Okay. So you were going to loot it? But I'm the cruel one. But I'm the cruel one for taking his finger off. You're being a dead man, Carl.

[02:03:46] You cut off his finger and stole his wedding ring. Sparrow, we've looted over 17. Um, hold on. Wait, what was that? I didn't take his worthless ring. Why not? Should we just return that to his wife? You can't. What do you think? I would just... In his pocket, he has a silver piece and two copper.

[02:04:15] I wasn't listening because I had to do that. My name is quite full. I'm a singer. One silver. He has a ring finger or the pointer? Pointer. He has a worthless ring. He's very poor. He's one. Okay, so I have nine silver. You're very poor. And two copper. When did you get five more silver? Once he looted the dead duck. How many copper? Yeah. Why? You guys are crazy. I'm not doing anything. I'm saying... Did he say you? He's a... He has a worthless pewter wedding ring, a small knife,

[02:04:46] and... You're not taking off the grave. No! You're not whacking people with a shovel. So, you go to... You go to take his teeth. Shovel. Okay. I'm probably good to you. Well, that is when you hear an incredibly loud clanging noise as the... As the... Cemetery gate slams shut. Oh, great.

[02:05:16] Where's the... Um... I wonder why we're still in here. Why are you guys taking his appendages? What comes into view? Oh, look at this. A monster! A Minita! Don't eat no. And a 19 hits you, yes? Oh! Watches to your hand. Okay, that's not bad. Dealing you with six.

[02:05:46] Cludge it again. Shut up. Oh! Don't jinx it. Okay, hold on. Oh, just one's out with six? All right. My... My... We're rolling initiative now. Everybody? We're rolling initiative now. Straight to an 8. Straight to initiative. Dang it. Wait a minute. 11. Is it plus an 8? It's plus your initiative. 24 minus 6. 18. Okay. 22. Nine. Nine.

[02:06:17] I'm not very fast. When it comes to combat, I'm not very fast. Wait. Initiative is just zero? I think the last three times we've been in combat, I've gotten an 11 on my initiative. Is it initiative just your baseball? That's the order of the dexterity. Oh! Oh, no, man! Plus your dexterity, too. 11. Wait, so plus your dexterity and your initiative? Your initiative is your dexterity. All right, so... Okay, so never mind.

[02:06:47] It's 11. 13. Wait, so I add my dexterity to what I got? Oh. Yeah! Dexterity. God! 24, 25, 26! Are you kidding me? I think that... 22. Sorry, you got how much? 26. How old did you get 26? Because I rolled it at 19, and he said it was plus initiative. You get your initiative, too. Plus... But your initiative is your dexterity. Okay, so never mind. I'm just... So it's... So it's what?

[02:07:18] Mine's 11. Mine's 11. Okay. Anybody who got between 20 and 25... Okay. What'd you get? 22. 22. Okay. So... Rock of scissors. Which one of you has the higher dexterity score? Yep. I have... Plus two. I have plus three. Side... Well, you're only first. What about with you?

[02:07:47] My favorite wizard spell. Ready? Glock! Why do we think of the same thing? I said gun, and you said glock. Pikachu, use glock. Charmander, use double barrel shotgun. Okay. 15 to 20. Uh... No. Why would you think otherwise? Why would you think there's just one?

[02:08:16] It's because he wanted to loot their bodies. That's why we're still here. I shot his teeth. Okay. 10 to 15. I'm the one who sharded this. I got 30. I got 30. I got 30. I got 30. I got 30. What's the score? 2. The score. Oh, the score. Uh, next 30, 15. You look at the wrong one. You read. This is yours. You look at that one. Oh. 2. Next 30, 15.

[02:08:46] Okay, so he goes with 14. 15. 15. 15. Minus enemy. Minus enemy. You did this to second. First, second, third, fourth. There's no... There's... Guys, you cannot tell me. There's no way that you just did this. Is it only one zombie or like a horn? It is a horn. It is a winger dog.

[02:09:17] Oh, and the sparrow. You're up. Is he just the other? Maybe a perception pass. Ah! That counts as one of your attackers. Sorry, say that again. If you're actively looking around... That class has to be your attacker. Tactics. Tactics. You're able to look around. 19. 19? Yes.

[02:09:43] At a quick glance, you don't see anything, but you hear a mong. That's four team kids. Okay. I changed. Whoa. Can I use that first? You use that first. Well, yeah, but after. My phone. Go ahead. Hilt. Do all your attacks. I do like spring and then you go, fire! Uh, at disadvantage. Because this is a dexterity...

[02:10:13] A dexterous thing. So whichever roll is worse. Lower, then you take a lower one. Two. Oh! Two? I got 15... No, 17 and two. You take the two because it's disadvantage. Oh my! So in your spiffy state, you hurl one of your little motes of fire straight into the bush and it catches flame, but it did not hit the zombie. Okay. Uh, Ethan, you're out. This is a guy.

[02:10:42] He was laying on the ground, so he can't be, like, standing up already. You were going for his teeth and lunged for your hands. Oh, it's him! So, zombie! I'm gonna, like, go-churn him and, like, slam. I know exactly where he got him at. We need to check those holes in the ground. That's why it was still locked. Plus strength? It's like an attack, right? Yeah, it's an attack so it's going to be plus your strength. Inside!

[02:11:06] That's why it was still locked. Oh yeah, 15 is it. Okay. There's guaranteed more than one. I can guarantee you that. What stereotypical movie style just hand out of the ground and then they come up? That stereotypical movie style? Stop dancing it. Knock on the wood.

[02:11:44] For damage, you don't actually roll damage, so it's just going to be your one plus your strength modifier. I can do it. I can do it. No, I can do it. It's not one. No. I don't. Your strength modifier is zero? No, it's three.

[02:12:14] Huh. Well, in that case, I use my electric guitar. Watch! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like whip it out and I'm like... Okay, all right, so hit him with your short sword. Okay, I hit him with my foot. I don't, I don't... A short sword is a die six plus your strength. Okay. It's all opponent's hand. Shield bash. Shield bash.

[02:12:44] One. One notch. The best is to hit. Eight. Really? Eight? Hey. This is not a fist. It's a shield. Shield. Shield. Shmack. Ding. Like, shmack. No, it's like a shmack. It's like a backhand. Bing. It's your heirloom scimitar. My shield, I'm giving my shield knockback 30. It's a curved sword. It's like... It's somewhere between the length of a short sword and a long sword. But it's kind of a...

[02:13:14] It's a party thing. I'm not... I'm not rolling for me. I'm just doing... So it's like we kind of... We're not up yet? Ready? We're not up yet. Shield. It's like shield. Give me a second. I don't know. I'll pull it up. They've got an image of his neck. I can't... I can't all. Snap his neck. Um... This second.

[02:13:43] Yes, I don't want a scimitar. I don't want a scimitar is. That's my suit. I don't want a scimitar is, though. It's really more of a falchion. It's very thick. Scimitar is quite narrow. Get a saber. I should have saved that for my next roll. Get yourself a saber. Narrow. I should have saved that for my next roll. Yeah. Yeah. You know you're going to get a little more. Yeah, let's test. Let's test.

[02:14:14] T-roll. So it's like a big, thick sword. A big sword. Pretty much. I can do that. I'm excited. I can do... I can...

[02:14:44] So can you, but like... There. That's an elvish scimitar. Stop doing that. Sparrow. Of course you did. Now you bring them back. Keep them out here. Arceus, keep them out here. Yeah, you're going to need them because your eyesight is literal... Garbage. Garbage.

[02:15:13] Sorry, I preferred my bracelet on my left. You basically have to put your nose to the page to read it. I've watched you do that a bunch of times. Arceus. I mean, I did that too, but I just... My eyes also just suck in there. Okay. Um... Right, so you attacked with your short sword. Yes. And you did... Eight. Yep. I already marked that down. Great. Okay. Alright. Do you think I win? And now it's going to lunge at you.

[02:15:50] As it lunge at you, I kick where it like the gap is going to... Roll for initiative. Boom. It's got an exact miss. So it goes to lunge at you and you manage to put your foot on its shoulder and push it... Oh! But it gets to its feet. Uh... I think I screwed up. Yes. I screwed. I'm just an avatite culture. Onyx, give me a dexterity.

[02:16:20] He's in this one at you. I did it. I did it. I lost the dexterity bonus as well. Yeah. Or your modifier as well. Yeah. 17. Uh... A hand reaches up from beneath the turf and grabs you by the ankle. Oh! Yeah! You fall to your back as another zombie crawls up from the ground and bites you in the shoulder.

[02:16:50] It does not manage to get its teeth through your armor though. That was just a bite mark in your armor. But you are prone and technically being grappled. Bullshit armor. I'm great. So wait. I have to do two different... I have to take two turns to do that. I have to take one to get out of the grab and then one to get off. So how many zombies are? You're prone to always be type your movement. I'm a magic head. It would be a grab place you're type. Yes, I know.

[02:17:20] I know. But for prone is also a good song. There will be several zombies. Uh, Arceus. You are up. Alright. I said several, not seven. Several. Still. Several could be more than that. We are in a humongous break. I guess I will... Several could be more than seven. Draw my sword and my shield for our preparation. Several is usually more than ten, actually. Can you like, hit the guy that's right there by me? Go for you or you. I don't know. The guy... The other zombies are on their feet.

[02:17:50] I'm prone. I guess I will slash him with my sword. Actually, no. You should... I actually... I don't think you should do that. I don't think you should do that because if you miss, you're hitting me. I'm going to slash the zombie. That's a grab again. Okay. It is prone, so you get two at advantage. Wait. The zombie's also prone? Yes. Because he's holding me down. It's cold, but like... No, no.

[02:18:15] The one you can barely even see is holding your ankle and is just crawling out of the ground. The other one is half out of the ground, but still like half in the ground. What happened? That's what I'm saying. I'm not taking my face. Curb, stop. You're going to swerve. Stop that thing. Yes. Put in your bag, guys, with swords. Eight. Not the Aladdin quote. Eight plus... Yes, the Aladdin quote. Thank you. Is it on strength or dexterity? To attack?

[02:18:45] With your sword? Yes. Is your strength and your advantage. Your... Proficiency bonus? Proficiency bonus. What do you mean? What do you mean? Just a little bit in now. Does 12 hit? Yes, 12 does hit. Snatch. Well, they're easy to hit. I don't know if I'd call them weak. Weak at the moment.

[02:19:10] I'm asking questions and I'm learning information about zombies. Secretly. Secretly, and now you said it, and now you're not going to get anything else. Three damage. Three damage. Oh! Three damage. Arceus. That's the guy that was taking you. Okay, come on. So they're powerful zombies and then they're powerful zombies. So I see. I do the little slash. Onyx, you're up. It's his slash. It is a slash. He went for you, so it's your turn.

[02:19:41] Legendary punch. So you can give me an opposed strength check to break the grapple. Grab it. Grab it full time. I didn't even take it. So you managed to kick your foot out of its hand. Wait, did I grab my tool? No, but one grabbed you, the other tried to bite you. Okay.

[02:20:11] Zombie. He tried to take a bite out of you. His hands are still on the ground. He didn't get the right. Apologize. He'll be like, sorry for taking your teeth. I'm a tooth collector. I'm a tooth collector. And then I show him like this on the goal. He's like, see, this one I got from a weird creeper. You are absolutely a fake creature. You're just a tooth fairy. That is all you are. I am a tooth fairy. I am a teethling. I'm a teethling. A teethling. We're going to call you a little too much from now on.

[02:20:41] I'm a teethling tooth fairy. You're a teethling. I'm a teethling. Not even a teethling anymore. She's a teethling. Okay. What are you doing? I'm a teething. So yeah, getting up from prone takes half an hour, correct? Yep. Okay. Okay. Ability. I placed down Peashooter.

[02:21:08] I'm probably just going to get up and I'm going to move him back. Don't provoke an attack. You're not going to be able to do anything. They're just going to have a brand new, correct? Who? You know, this is your first time. Change my attack from the TV on the side. I mean, it could. They're not like everyone else. I know they're not like everyone else is.

[02:21:38] I know that. Work. I'm going to go to the top. I'm going to go to the right and then you just roll him. Okay. I'll kick him. Well, one advantage. Because he is on the ground and you are not. Is this the same one that Arceus attacked?

[02:22:07] Which one grabbed me? The one that I had. Then yes. I mean, same thing that happened to him, but they're both 19. Same thing that happened to you earlier with 10s, but they're 19s. Die 4 plus strength. I kicked him for eight.

[02:22:41] You slashed him for three and I kicked him for eight. What? That hand that he had grabbed you with, you kicked it clean off. Yes. That hand is gone, but he is using his other arm and lifting himself from the ground. And he rises to his feet. Stares you dead in the eyes. Dead in the eyes? Yes. Are you serious? Are you not serious?

[02:23:09] And that's when you guys hear a moan coming from behind you. That's what slammed the gate. No. We're not right by the gate anymore. You see me do this. It's a brute. It's not even a brute. It's a Bruce. I have to toggle my turn real quick. What? Is it a Bruce Banner? Bruce?

[02:23:38] I know what you're talking about. Batman. I was talking about Bruce Banner like the Hulk. Oh, I thought you were talking about Batman for a second. I was talking about the shark. I have to look around. We were all talking about severely different things. Yeah. When you said brute, the first thing that came to mind was the shark bridge. Something hammers you right in the back.

[02:24:10] For five bludgeoning damage, you stumble forward and turn to see there's another two zombies behind you. Wait, did they both hit him? No, just one. The other one still gets to go. Harry. No sitting down for you ever again. No. I'm going to literally kick you and then I'm going to stab you. No, I'm hitting you with the kneecaps.

[02:24:39] The final one stumbles after Sparrow. Yay! I'll kick him. For eight damage. You know what? That's it. You may kick me, but... He stumbles in. You see him coming at the last second. You step to the side and he just stumbles forward. Fence. And that takes us back to the top of the round to Sparrow. Yes! No.

[02:25:11] It has not been an hour. How? It hasn't been an hour. It hasn't been an hour. How long has it been? Oh, actually no, it has been an hour. Okay. Yeah. Those of you who were... You're no longer drunk. You may roll me a constitution save to see if you are no longer Squippy. Oh, I'm not drunk? Potentially not Squippy anymore. Okay, what is that? This one? Your D2. Yes. Third.

[02:25:41] Is it a plus one then? Plus your constitution modifier. Oh. You guys are both no longer Squippy. Pretty slay. Okay. Which one are you attacking? Which one's closest to me?

[02:26:09] The one that Ethan was at is the one that... The bush that you just set on fire. And the one that just stumbled past. You are both about E.P. Distance. Just like... What you're gonna do is you're just gonna... You gotta stick with the middle finger while playing. Well, throw it while throwing it. Can I just like...

[02:26:38] How do your staff here use flint? Because your staff is a die eight. That's six. Did I re-sweet them? That's a long bow. Yeah. That's the sword and then that's the staff. Never mind. So... Why does it want to fire on the... Or what... What's the plus three from? On your...

[02:27:08] On a scimitar? It's because it's a dexterity based weapon. Never mind. So she gets her dexterity bonus to her damage. Never mind. We should go from the floor. So... Actually... I still think there's flint. Oh. I'm gonna produce... Because yours is plus six on that. I'm gonna produce flint. Yeah. It is. Okay. You're gonna try to smash that fire eagle. All right. Give me your attack roll.

[02:27:39] Harkis. Kiss. Plus... Plus... Wow. So it was really good. Bell attack bonus. Cop right corner. Legendary punch. 2-3. That'll hit. Roll me your damage. My apologies. My apologies. Chicken. Ah! That is not the dice for rolling damage. Okay. I don't know the next tip. Die eight. It's the one that looks like a diamond. Ah! Chicken. Ah!

[02:28:28] Fire into his shoulder. He stumbles back a little bit. Just like I did that one guy. Ethan, you were up. Fire rise from the dead. I know. Ethan's up. Down again. Yes, it is. Which one is the guy I just stabbed? Okay. Go fetch pizza. And then we will continue. All right. Then picking back up.

[02:28:57] That's Ethan's turn. So the guy that just, like, attacked me. That I attacked. Stabbed. The grounder is standing. He is standing. He is standing. Okay. Okay, then. With both hands with my spear. You are wielding your short sword at the moment. You can drop it and switch to your spear. No, I want to continue to use my sword. Okay.

[02:29:27] I want to lie. Overhand just to go. Yeah, try and, like, skull. Cleave him right in the skull. Yep. All right. Give me an attack roll. Five total. Oh, wait. Plus. So this is attack roll, so it's plus your proficiency, plus your strength. So, wait. Seven. Seven, right? No, that's ten. Ten.

[02:29:54] It's your strength modifier and your proficiency bonus. Okay, so ten. He is slow and stumbling, and you managed to hit. So roll me your damage. Five, six, plus your strength. Go. Thank you. The square. Okay. Nine. That's a game. Right? Same thing. Plus three. It's a bunch of squares.

[02:30:27] Six, plus three. Yeah. It looks like a five to me, so I'm going to say, hmm, I think that's eight, but now I look at it, it's a six, so it doesn't it? Okay. Now you embed your sword in his skull real good. He is still on his feet. I want you to give me a strength check to see if you can pull it free, because you buried it deep.

[02:30:56] You do manage to get your foot up and, with some leverage, rip the sword free again. Um, and now it is his gun. It does hit you. Um, yeah. Oh!

[02:31:23] So he comes in two-fisted, and slams down right onto your shoulders for, uh, seven damage. I thought he was able to say that this. I'm going to die. Ten minus six. We'll do it. Twelve. Twelve. Sparrow. Minus what? Seven? Can you buy me a glass? All right. I'm going to do lay out. I'm at five. Okay? What? I'm going to do lay out hands on them. I'm going to say sparrow.

[02:31:58] Well, you just smacked by like... Heal me! That's why I lay out. The other two drag themselves to their feet, uh, and lunge at you. Uh, you manage to sidestep the one fairly easily, but the second manages to get a, uh, bite on your bicep. Zombie. Hitting you for six damage. Zombie holder. He takes a chunk out of you. I love your armor. I love your armor. I'm a boulder. Do you know?

[02:32:28] The thing we didn't split up. I'm a boulder. Honest. The thing we didn't split up. But he's a boulder. Shut up. Uh, Arceus, you're up. Uh, have full sumagiwa on Ethan. Sorry? Am I within reaching distance to be? Uh, yeah. You guys are only a couple of steps away from each other. If I do lay out hands, do you even? Ken, uh, you'll have to step out of melee with the one that you're in melee with. No. I have my shield up. Can I hold my shield while I step back?

[02:32:58] Absolutely you can. Um, okay. So it does get to make its reaction attack against you. I understand that. And it rolled very poorly. So, uh, you may, uh, it comes at you. You put the shield right in between and shove it back. Good. And you step right next to Ethan. Alright. Land hands. How would I do land hands first? It's, it's literally just an action and you can, you have five, uh, five points per paladin level.

[02:33:28] And you can heal somebody. And I'm leveling up to 10. Oh god. You are a level one paladin. I am on it. Oh, yep. Level one paladin. So you have five points that you can, you can put one, you can put two, you can put five into somebody. I'll throw in all five of them. Oh, no, no, ten. But Arceus describe what that looks like.

[02:33:56] Oh, it's a lovely green. As they come back to life. And they're like, eww, and then like push one like, way from me down. Yeah. I just, I should have slapped, I should have slapped. Slab and they just come back to life. A good slap of healing. Duh. Onyx, you're up.

[02:34:22] How far did the one that I sidestepped away, or out of the way of, how far did he go past me? They're, uh, not far. They're both within arm's reach of you. Wait, there's a total difference here. You have your arms and then we have five arms. Within five feet. An average. Within five feet.

[02:34:50] Whatever one I kicked, can I like punch him with... Yeah? Yeah. You also have your axes. Yeah, I know, but like, you've left you so far, don't ruin it. Okay. It's moving for me right now. Alright. I just wanted to point out that you're not unarmed. Yes. I understand, I have my axe, but... Bruh. Nineteen.

[02:35:19] Am I allowed another pizza? No, no, ask him out. She's outside. Um, okay, roll your, uh, roll your damage, sir. Legendary punch. I'm punching, yes, but not legendary punch. Eight again. Jesus Christ. Legendary punch! Ew. Alright.

[02:35:50] Uh, now, you can use your bonus action to do a second attack. Yes, legendary punch times two. Is, is that one gone or is he like... He's still standing. Finish him! Yeah. I'll swing at him again. Eighteen. That'll hit. Give. Jeez. Side four plus your strength? Six. Six.

[02:36:20] Nice. Alright, so that first jab in the face rocked his head right back. You take the second swing, give him a, the most solid cross that you've ever given. It spins that skull, er, that, it spins the skull right around breaking his neck and collapses to the ground. Yes! Is it him? Isn't that, yes, but like, first blood, right? Zombies still have skulls too, you know, they're just under decayed skin. So we divide off first blood. Yep.

[02:36:50] Yay! That puts. Okay, so the zombie that you stepped away from is now moving, stumbling back in for another attack. That's gonna be a 19, so that's it. Alright, good bro. He charges in and tackles you, slamming you really hard right in the hip. It fucking hurts.

[02:37:19] And yields five bludgeoning damage to you. Another five. Mmmmm. Uh, and then we have the one who is going after our 14. We have 17, we'll hit you this time. Chadorago. He lunges in, grabs your arm, and takes a bite. Nom. Nom, nom, nom.

[02:37:47] Right on the forearm for five points. Nom, nom, nom. Nom, nom, nom. Nom, nom, nom. Nom, nom, nom. I'm never doing anything. Okay. Don't need it. Alright, Sparrow, we're at the top of the round. Hit him back. Okay, I'd like to do produce. Right, I'm playing. Produce playing, yep. Explanable. Who we might be.

[02:38:16] I should get across, across the just back until you undead. They hear it. Sorry? Help. That will hit them. This is what we should be for Halloween, our characters. I don't know, I'd love to, but I already have to. How would we do you? We're just getting inflatable suits. First of all, we'll need- first of all, Ethan's taller than me. In this setting, Ethan's taller than me. We're gonna have to get high high heels. Highest of healers.

[02:38:46] Yeah, no, you can actually get- It's not just to show you where the bottom is, so that you know that it's a six. Yeah. Yeah, but like still, like, in this setting, who were the six? Uh, plus one. Severely, I'm like six seven. I'm not far off, you believe. I'm six. I'm six. No, I'm six six. I'm six six. I'm six seven. So as this team just dig into your arm, you cut some fire in the other hand, and you stuff it in his face until he dies out of his neck. I'm still very tall. I'm just a human. I'm just a human. I'm a human. Ethan, you're up. Damn. I'm a human.

[02:39:16] You're all. Okay. So the guy I am fighting with, I'm gonna try and stab him right in the chest. All right. How bad is it? One. You rolled a one? Oh. Oh.

[02:39:46] How is- Who's the closest out to the eye? So you go to stab him in the chest. Right as his hand is coming in for a swing, and he knocks your blade straight to the ground. Uh, he's disarmed you. Ah. Well, it didn't break the weapon, and none of us was stabbed. So does that give him advantage? Then? No. Or no. The weapon. Damn it's like- That's why I'm asking for- It does not give him advantage, no. Okay. Unless he is armed, which he's not, because this is all. Okay.

[02:40:16] You mean he'll pick it up? Uh. He could pick it up. You mean- Oh, he's coming and punch him. Those are working for me. I remember- He was coming and punch him. At some point- Thank you. Making a joke where I were, um, me and- I was playing D&D at the E Center, and I made a joke where I was a haunted sword. Yes, I remember that. Did that actually go through? No. Not yet? Not yet? Okay. It might die. We gotta make that happen.

[02:40:45] I'm going to possess my sword, and that will be my character. We gotta make that- Yeah, you said you weren't gonna- You said you weren't gonna trust anyone. The haunted blade of Jaquavius. The haunted blade! It was Jaquavius's, and he gave it to you. But like, I couldn't- And then everybody keeps talking to you as though you're Jaquavius, and really you're the spirit of Ethan, who's trapped in Jaquavius's blade, but nobody knows that you're actually not Jaquavius. No one believes me.

[02:41:15] I'm Ethan, guys! It's me! It's me! I'm Ethan! Jaquavius! Alright, it's coming out as his voice. It's coming out as his voice instead of- Zombies turn things now. And he is going to attack. If we're doing something like that, I think it'll be a negative. Uh, an 11 does not hit you though. So you backpedaled quick, and you got out of the way. I'm grabbing my sword. That's two sides of two different coins. I know. But, the other zombie is coming for you.

[02:41:45] You don't have a weapon, you got your fist. It pairs! Rotate! Rotate! 15 hits. Yes. So he smashes you in the back for 6 damage. Oh! Oh! We might die here, guys. Whack! If I die, I am actually going to become sword. This way see Onyx. That is- that is- that is going to be my new character. If I die, I'm gonna do that. Strength will be my greatest stat!

[02:42:14] If I die, I'm gonna do that. Alright, so I'm taking another slash at a- I guess it's a zombie that I literally have. I don't know. I don't know. Ethan's fighting. What about the one that's attacking you? I'm being attacked? You've been hit how many times? When you got hit in the back- what?! Right, uh- Cause you get hit for 5 every time, apparently. Right, okay. Yeah, literally.

[02:42:42] I guess I'll- I guess I'll- can I slash him and push him to the ground with the slash? Or like- Like knock him prone. Or stab him and push him to the ground with the- So like knock him prone with a attack? Yes, an attack. Is that possible? Just like slash him and kick him. You can do that in one go, right? Like- Mute. Like kick him around? I only do like one go. It is possible within the scope- Ah, ah, ah!

[02:43:08] Those are specifically fighter superiority skills. They have to take special skills to do. So yeah. So- Yes? I see. Yes? Yes? If- once you get higher level, um, as- I believe it's- If it's a level five paladin- How do we level up? We're- We're gonna get into that. We're gonna get into that.

[02:43:37] Um, as a level five paladin, when you take an attack action, you get to attack twice. At that time, if you wanted to do that, then I would say, yes, you can- you can give me an attack and you can use your second attack to do the- the pushing to the ground thing. I see, I see, I see, I see. But you're just not fast enough yet. Pushing to the ground and then attack. What? Are you still on that? Yes.

[02:44:07] I'm trying to clean it up. Ah, okay. I guess I'll just slash with my hand. Both other zombies come in, they all kill you all, and combat's over. Alright, uh, I slashed with my long sword. Alright, give me your attack roll. It is a 19 hit. Yes, 19 hits. No. No, it doesn't. This is the strong zombie with Pelopot. Total of 8? Oh wait, no. Total of, um, 9.

[02:44:37] It's a good hit, you take off his right arm. I'm a good friend, sir. I'm a good friend, sir. And I handle the skidooch. He is still the skidooch. He is still the skidooch. Uh, Onix, you're up. No, no, I've lived out the skidooch. You know what, because- No, I still want to- Ah! Yes. It's working! I did 14 last time, I did it. And I killed him!

[02:45:06] I'm gonna go and punch the other guy that's right there that does like that hit. The other one that's on you? Yeah. Okay, give me your attack roll. Ring, ring, ring. 16? 16 will hit. Yeah, so you, uh, how'd you hit him? Oh, he's dead. No. Aw. Describe the punch. He's just gonna like- No!

[02:45:35] He's just gonna like- Right hook. Alright. Alright, you give him a right hook, manages to drop him back on his heels. Uh, are you going to do your, um, your follow up attack? Mm-hmm. Double sit. No, I'm not going to do it. Four. I'm not gonna do it. Total four? Sit down. For the- Wait, I have to- Do I have to roll for an- It's an attack roll. Twice?

[02:46:05] Oh, I-I rolled a hit him twice. Like, I-I-I rolled a hit him twice. Like, I-I-I-I rolled this twice to- Am I? Yeah. I thought that's what I had to do. So you roll your die 20 once. Okay, that's fine. And that's your attack roll. So- Five. A total of five? On the-on the second attack roll, yes. Oh, okay. On the die four, yes. Total of five. Sorry, dude, I need to know what your attack roll was, not your damage roll.

[02:46:34] Okay, from the-yes, four. I-I-that's what I was saying. So is it a total of four? Or did you add your bonuses? I see. These guys are really easy to hit, man. If you give-if-if-if that's just your flat roll and you haven't added your bonuses, you might have still hit. Bonus on the hit is just four, or my strength, right? It's your strength and your, uh, proficiency. Other than, um, ten. Then, yeah, you hit him. Okay. Alright, so how much damage should you do? I'm going to count that into five again.

[02:47:04] Okay. Alright, so you go to give him just a quick jab to knock him on his heels and your fist goes right through the soft part of his head. Apparently, you softened him up good and he drops to the ground. Dan. Winner. Daniel. Daniel. Is he dead yet? The one I just hit? Yes, I think I've gotten the only two kills so far. You're not going to step it up. I'm punching people and doing more than you guys. I helped you kill the first one. No. Not really. I slashed him.

[02:47:34] I did a- I did a win slash. And then- Ghost door. Ghost door. The one that's after you. Their speed is like 7D for one. And he hits you for six.

[02:48:04] He goes for right place. He stumbles in and just- his elbow plop you right in the face. Blah. Nothing. 18 minus 5. I do watch. 3, 6. I do watch. 5, 12, and- I'm at 7. You're at 7? Yeah. Okay. Okay, but that puts you up. Next. Not bad. Yeah.

[02:48:31] Alright, give me your attack roll. 19. That'll hit. Roll your damage. You rolled an 8. Lay down. This one is 9. Draw. Lay down. So you cup a little bit of flame in your hands. He just hit you in the face with his elbow.

[02:49:01] You grab him by the shirt and you stuff that flame right in his mouth. And he drops to the ground. Is he good? The smell of burning flesh. Delicious. Burning rotting flesh. Nutritional value delicious. Rotting flesh paired with burning meat. Most likely. Alright, nutritional value right there. So wait, am I still fighting the guy that attacked me first? Yep. Arceus is peppered on me. I'm not the...

[02:49:31] Mmmmm. It's thick. Mmmmm. Okay, I picked out my sword and now I'm going to try and decapitation. Sweet. Alright, give me your attack roll.

[02:50:01] You rolled a 3? Yes. Okay. Plus your strength, plus your proficiency. That'll do it. Oh. Oh. I know you said these guys were easy to hit, but still. I told you they're easy to hit. That was actually their armor class is 8. I was going to say, question, what was my board? Give me your damage. Okay. I'm 5.

[02:50:31] You, uh, your sword was at your feet. You, uh, you hooked your boot underneath it. You kicked it up in the air and you grabbed it and you turned straight to the neck. Played straight into its spine and it drops to the ground. That's what I've done. Just... And it is thick. Arceus, you're up.

[02:51:00] Time for my favorite art. They're done with their zombie. There's still a zombie on me, right? Yep. Yes. Then I will slash at him again. Okay. Give me your attack roll. 17. That'll definitely hit. I don't even need my business on fires. Nope. That'll definitely hit. Roll me your damage. 5. All right.

[02:51:28] Well, you step in with your slash and you cleave it straight from shoulder to hip bone and it falls into pieces to the ground. And then the graveyard goes quiet. Rest in pieces. There are no more bones of the dead that you can hear at this time. But it is dark and you guys are breathing heavily in the now moonlight. I was going to say pretty battered.

[02:51:59] I'm pretty beaten battered right now. So we have to roll a quarter to a hour. I don't suppose... You guys could take a 30 minute short rest. I think we do that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what I mean. So a short rest. So you guys have your hit dice listed, right? Mm-hmm. Okay.

[02:52:27] So you have your hit dice. It's a pool that you can spend to roll and see how much health you regenerate on a short rest. Okay. So. Yours are... Wait, is it like the die we use to attack? Pardon? Attack with? No.

[02:52:55] It's your dice that you use to roll for hit points every level. You are a die 8 and a die 10. You are a die 12 and a die 6. Yes, because each class has a different hit mix. Yeah, but they don't work. You are a die 10 and a die 6. No, a die 10 and a die 8.

[02:53:24] And you are a die 8 and a die 10 is wrong. Die 10, die 6. A die 1. Okay. So you heal for 11, you heal for 9. Are you going to roll to heal up? Yeah. So it should be a die 12 and a die 6.

[02:53:54] Die 6 and a die 10? Uh, die 12 is... It's a die 8 and a die 10.

[02:54:23] Okay, so I'm one health and a die 10. Okay. Wait, I should probably mark that to mark what I need. That's all. Goodbye, you too. Okay. Alright, and I guess that's where we'll wrap up for this one. Aww. Uh, so thanks for viewing internet and uh, have a wonderful time. Bye bye now. Bye! Bye! Bye Chris, we love you!