(D&D5e): Eberron: The B-Team One-shot: Dino World

[00:01:03] The 5th Edition D&D actual play podcast. We're playing Eberron, but not with the asshats. We've got the B-Team. The buttholes. The buttholes. The buttholes. This is a one-shot with some new people. So let's go around the table and introduce characters. Start over there. Okay. Hi, I'm a wizard. You are a free-range organic forest wizard. Right.

[00:01:31] I am a free-range organic forest wizard. Or a druid. A wood elf druid named Legalize Greenleaf. Oh, God, Jesus. Okay. Yeah? Alright. I'm Jordan playing Sam's Club Gun Jeans. I'm a barbarian halfling and favorite thing to do is just throw around this flaming frying pan. Excellent. That does sound like fun.

[00:01:59] It's Merit again. I am playing Richard du Fromage, the high elf wizard. I'm gonna throw some spells around. This sounds like fun. Hi, I'm Kevin and I'm regretting coming here today. I've been giving Cabal the token black dragon. Ugh. Technically a legacy character for the asshats. Who apparently hasn't even been built properly, so... Yeah. Mark tried.

[00:02:29] And my backstory is unknown even to me, let alone the characters, so I have no idea what I'm doing with them. The short version is, Mark's characters are always super edgelord. Yeah. They are either the Punisher or Batman. Batman. Okay. That's generally what he was. So... I believe you are currently the Punisher. Okay. If you want to continue going down that road by the way, that is what that character was made to be.

[00:02:58] You must be a girl voice the whole time. I'm a dragon, so yeah. I'm Batman. I'm Batman. I'm Batman. Where are the drugs going? Where are the gods going? Where is she? Kindergarten. And then his character is just like, do you need a lozenge man? Oh man, just think of this. And we apologize to the ears of anyone listening. Yeah. I'll level eight it. Yeah. So yeah, we're gonna start off... So you guys are...

[00:03:26] Where every typical band of adventures ends up. An Eonora tavern. The Ashol! Yes, you're in the Ashol. I was gonna put you in Mama Abby's tavern, but I figured the Ashol's more funnier. Yeah, cuz... Cuz, yeah. We're a bunch of assholes. He's more good in the Ashol. He's fantastic. He's absolutely fantastic. He's cool. Well, I don't care. He's called Gungey. I'm absolutely not focused as a Russian. There's no way.

[00:03:53] I heard that you were from like the more Karnath-y region of the Talenta Plains. Are you sure man? Because like, I've played characters entirely with Russian accents. The thing is, I don't think I can keep up a Russian accent at all time. So yeah, you guys are there. I guess looking to like, you guys ended up in this shot. You're all like either former Syrians or like have connections with the Syrian people or their survivors.

[00:04:21] And yeah, you guys are low on income and stuff like that. When a hooded figure with a plague doctor mask comes walking over, it's like, Ah, hello! Are you adventurous? In need of income? Well, yeah, I need of income. I don't know how to go for French. Well, I could barely understand it, so you're hidden.

[00:04:47] I was like, no one needs any money, bro, but you know, we're always down for an adventure. I can do with some munchies. Excellent. Well, my name is Professor Tonius, and I'm currently in town looking for a search and rescue party as it were.

[00:05:04] You see, I sent a scout out to the mortals not too long ago to evaluate a location in the southern town of Seaside. And, uh, well, he hasn't returned back, so I would very much like if you would go down there and retrieve him for me, or at least the data has been surveying for me. You sent a scout from this town?

[00:05:34] Well, not from this town specifically. But don't you like live here? No. I travel. I pass by here from time to time. I swear I've seen it before, man. You probably have. It's a common mask. No, it's a common character. He's in every one of Chris's campaigns. He's out of game. He's a plane walker. So he travels over the mountains. Fair.

[00:06:03] A planeswalking worm that walks. Yeah. But he's... Not that we know that. No, we don't know that. All you see is this guy, like, decked to the nines in, like, basically Plague Doctor attire. Big gloves, big, like, boots, like, aloshes. And, like... A steampunk. Yeah. Plague Doctor. Plague Doctor attire. Yeah. Well, you would think that would be common with this, you know, Moorland death area right there.

[00:06:32] He looks awful lot like a stalker. We go to die. We go to die, yeah? We go to die, yeah? We go to die. Oh, I mean, I know some other that have gone to the Moorlands and they've come out fine, but it's very peculiar when this one has a return, though. So I'd like to offer you a thousand gold pieces each for the retrieval. 500 now and then 500 on your return with either my scout or the data he's recovered.

[00:07:03] Sam just looks at Richard and goes, catch up. Let me see. Okay. Perhaps a little more would be in order given the danger of these tasks. They have a policy. Or persuasion, I guess I'm sorry. So persuasion... I'm not trained in it, but I have plus three, so 18 persuasion. 1200 each.

[00:07:33] 600 now, 600 when you return. I suppose that this is acceptable for our services. Okay, but if one of us returns, we get to collect for all of the others. Wait, what? My character breaks the Batman voice with that. I'm just saying, if three out of four of us die, only one person makes it back to collect. They should be able to collect.

[00:08:03] I feel like a tauntie is not a bad way to organize it. I love to see if this is my most hated die. That's why I hate the... Because it takes forever. Forever. That's why as soon as I started spinning, I was like, I'm just going to look at Merit and talk. It just becomes Inception. It just never ends. I think it's over there doing its thing. I'll wait. 14. 14? Yes, it's close to the floor. Okay. Alright. Now this is going to become PvP. It's like...

[00:08:32] Now how can I kill everybody else? Well, it's a one-shot, one wearer of fucking dollars. I mean, apparently I'm harder to hit than Richard, so... These villagers are valuable. I do have a lot of them. It can look like an accident. I mean, to be fair, basically a Russian athlete. Wait, what do you mean valuable? You already said I'm broken.

[00:08:58] Do you require a means of transportation through the Mormons, or do you have your own mounts and such? Nobody has a mount. Excellent. Well, I have procured a land-caught rider to take you guys on your way. Yeah, that's good. Thank you. I totally forgot about that. A land-caught is an elementally...

[00:09:24] If you don't take an elemental land-caught into the Mormons, you will get lost. In the midst. For like hours. Or days. I've done it. It's a lot. Does my flaming axe help at all? No. It's a psychological... I mean, you're probably going to get attacked. Oopsie. It's worth asking. Yeah. I mean, it's like a torch. Does it help? It lets everyone know where you are. I mean, I am a bird. That's kind of my goal.

[00:09:54] Basically, I stand on the mountain and go, let's go. So, yes. So, we have a court then? Or we have a contract? I believe so. Excellent. The man you're looking for is a man named... The woman you're looking for is named Raleen. I sent her out there about a week ago and she was supposed to return by now. And has since not. So, she...

[00:10:24] I had her go... Are you familiar at all? Are any of you former Syrians? Are you familiar with the town of Seaside? Are you familiar with the town of Seaside? Vaguely. I could point to it on a map, but I've never been there. Okay. So, out of game, or for your knowledge, Seaside, it was a very, like, happening tourist town in Seir before the morning. Because it's Miami.

[00:10:53] Miami meets Las Vegas. Like, because they sell... Like, they basically used a lot of the Seirin, like, advances in research and development for magic tech to fix up and build up the infrastructure of the town to make it more for, like, people coming to it and such. But instead of, like, war weapons and stuff like that, or like, war tech and stuff, they made tourist attractions. So, instead of wars, like, quality of life. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, that's what you kind of know. And also, you know that, like, when the morning happened, a lot of other...

[00:11:23] 25% of its population were huddled on the piers as the great dead mists showed, like, rolling in and stopped at the shore. Oh! That's hilarious. Oh, no! Like, sailors? Like, the town's called, I think it was originally known as the City of Sails. Okay. Because of how, like, it was connected to the ocean. It was, like, the big, like, sea port for Sear. But, yeah.

[00:11:48] But, yeah. The sailors who survived that event remember seeing throngs of people clamoring onto the docks. Praying that they didn't get consumed by the mist. And it did stop at the shoreline. Not at the... They didn't go over to the docks. Mm-hmm. But for the first day, there are stories that on the first day, when people tried to go back into the mist, try to find family, they instantly died. And it wasn't until, like, a couple days after that, that when people went into the mist, just, like, reaving or just, like, fuck it, I'll just kill myself. They didn't die. Just disappeared.

[00:12:17] They just vanished, or they went back, and they found that when they went back into Seaside, everyone who was in the city at the time had vanished. So no one, like, the mist just... There's not even bodies or zombies you were talking about. That is on Kraken Bay, of course. Yes. Did any kraken show up that day? Um, I mean, there's some reports. Like, there was definitely, I mean, they definitely chummed the water a little bit, probably. So something happened. But, yeah.

[00:12:46] There's some stories here and there. It's been about six years since all that happened, so... But yes, so you will be going to Seaside, and there's an attraction just outside the town that I have an interest in. So you're familiar with the town of Seaside. I'll tell you, are you familiar with Dino World? Uh... I believe I have seen the film. Actually, I was watching number two earlier today.

[00:13:15] Is that the one where they were so concerned with whether or not they could do something, they didn't stop to think whether or not they should do something. Oh, no! It's Paul McCauvin. Oh, Paul McCauvin. I was watching Jurassic Park 2 this morning. Actually, anybody around here could actually also roll either just a base intelligence or a history check. Two of us are barbarians. I was gonna say, I have a try, but... You might roll a 20. I mean? I have a plus one.

[00:13:47] Nine... Nine. Nine. Oh, also, for D&D 5th edition, I believe that if you actually have a skill marked as... Yeah, if you have a skill check marked, doesn't that give you an advantage? For what? When you roll with a skill? Or is that just... No, you're saying you have proficiency. Oh, just the proficiency. Swallow check.

[00:14:17] Uh, yeah, if we had an advantage on something like that, I would have been... Swallow check. My bard would never roll without advantage. Yeah, the fact that it's a plus and not a minus is a miracle. It is. It's impressive. If I put anything together, usually people who are good at swinging things are not very good at talking. You see, the thing is, D&D is your wildest fantasy, so you can in fact have a bonus to your intelligence. Ouch. Well, I'll just say, to be fair, if anybody needs it, it's me. Two brain surgeries later.

[00:14:45] I will say, looking at the map here, the glowing chasm, I just love that as a concept. That's up north, they don't worry about it. All of a sudden, me and Kevin are getting entirely sidelined. I'm just looking at this thing, just like, ooh! So, did you roll a little bit of a total? I didn't. You can roll a total, yeah. You might have heard of this, so that's a thing. Uh, 16 plus one, 17. Okay. That's not bad. The barbarian is the smart one. Dinosaurs! I'm also wrong. A nine. Did you roll?

[00:15:14] I didn't roll. You didn't roll? No. Okay. You actually heard Dinoworld. It actually makes sense because you're a half one. Not to stereotype, but... Dinoworld is... Dinoworld is an amusement park that was post-Seer, or like post-Mormons, uh, warning all that stuff. It's renowned across Corvair because it had multiple, like basically, they had some actual live dinosaur attractions from the Talenta Plains that they exported from. Okay.

[00:15:43] But they also had, they took the militarized magic robotics of the Warforges and were like, but what if dinosaurs? Okay. What if not military, but what if dinosaur attractions? Alright. Hmm. So I was just looking and being like, duh. So we have dinosaurs and Mechagodzilla. What could possibly go wrong? In the middle of Silent Hill Land. Yeah. Jesus Christ. It's fine.

[00:16:11] Hey, you guys are all getting 1,200 dollars. Yeah, it's fine. That's more money. This is totally worth it. It's fine. We'll all live. It's gonna be fine. This definitely will not be a one-shot. This will be a 12-week campaign. The barbarian is 100% sure that everyone's gonna survive. To be fair, it's also a barbarian. Well, don't worry. I'm literally the token black dragon, so if anybody goes out first. Only if it's a horror movie though. We're going to Silent Hill Land.

[00:16:40] Is there any other information you want to get from the Tonys? Like... Can we get a description of this? I was actually about to say, a description would be very, very helpful. A lie! Which is quite unique out there. She is a Hobgoblin champion. Hobgoblin. She apparently is from a military company from Dargoon that took the job when he was looking to ask him around.

[00:17:08] Do they have an insignia I should look for? Um... Sure. Oh, do they have an insignia I should look for? Uh... Baguette! Came back live! She has an insignia, it's a fist, with a, uh, whatever the symbol is for five. Like the number five. Ah, the fister girl. Okay, we shall find her. Fort Zombie. Yeah.

[00:17:37] I'm not going there. Um... Yeah, so... Anything else before you guys... Let's get in the card. That is what all Sam needs. Okay. Okay. I wish I could remember that, uh, one land card guy that you guys had while you were in there. Oh shit, I don't remember. Um... But yeah, no, uh, you know if I can use Bill. You guys need a bottle of land card as well as a Skycam. Oh, he was... Isn't he off, uh, with us?

[00:18:06] Yeah, I remember you guys took a Skycam without him. Yeah, I know, but I went, I teleported back and got him. Okay, yeah, that's right. Um, okay, so this is a guy, um, we'll call him Ronaldo for now, because I can't remember the other guy's name. You really should write this stuff down. Maybe even record it. He was in an adventure, like he was in a one-shot, like he was in a scenario. Um, but yeah, you're right. Okay, so uh, you're not wrong. You're just an asshole. You're not wrong. You're just making this inconvenient.

[00:18:37] Um... No, I'm in character. Same thing. So you guys get over to the land card and you see this, like, it's just a, there's no horse that draws anything up because, uh, they've, uh, it's a cart that has been, uh, financed by House Orion, which are basically the land transportation guild. Um, and they have bounded Earth Elemental to the wheels. So that it can never get lost. It's useful. Ah, especially in...

[00:19:04] As long as it's, as long as it's touching Earth, it will never get lost. Which, as you say, going into Silent Hill Land, yeah. You're glad I glued a bunch of dirt to the wheels. It's... Makes sense. Uh, but yeah, so you guys, uh, like, see this kind of aging, bolding guy there. It's like, uh, hey, I'm Ronaldo. Um, I'll be a land card, uh, uh, transport for the, uh, for the adventure.

[00:19:35] Is he wearing a cap like that? He's wearing his, he's wearing his shorn, uh, cap. From the joysy. Up on the low end of Sean. Taxi medallion hanging from the... You might, you, you two might even recognize, uh, from, uh, you might even go like, just like, hey, uh, hey, uh, come over to the shop. Why don't we go with this place? That's the best asshat. Okay. So, have you heard of the shot?

[00:20:04] That's a really gag where every time, like, somebody talks about, like, oh, where's the set? That's the best asshat for a shot. Aaron's character will just throw everything off the table. Whatever table is nearby. I really should have been a conjurer so that I could just conjure a table. I mean... Yeah. With stuff on it, obviously. Well yeah, because they make some throw off. Good time. Gross. You can't just not throw things off the table. I mean, that's a good character. Uh, side note. Win my house. Please don't throw things off my table.

[00:20:34] I was actually gonna say earlier, I do have that die that I threw down my stairs. I will refrain from throwing it when it never really betrays me. I have yet to use these dice, aside from that one roll so far, so we'll see. Oh, this guy is weighted. Unfortunately, they put the weight on the 20. Odd 20. Okay. D4. That is a fucked up D4. What? It's a D4. It's rounded on two sides.

[00:21:04] That is... So it lands on one, two, three, or four. Oh, okay. It always lands on a number. No math involved. It's a custom D6. Well, I mean, this is my D4. It's a D4 with no math involved. I like it. Yes. Yeah, because the pyramid here was so difficult to work out. Well, it's also not gonna like... If you drop that... You are overestimating my intelligence. It's not gonna be piercing damage. Yeah, that's true. I don't need to worry about a fucking pyramid coming out my eye. It's child-proofed. Yes.

[00:21:35] Which, to be fair, was only a problem for me until I had kids. Now there's more wolf. Hey kitty. Hey kitty. I think also there's like... As you're getting into the line card, you see like a horde of little tabaxi kittens run by. Because the town has like at least 12 of them. Like probably being chased by wolves. They're chasing the wolves. They're chasing the wolves. They're chasing the wolves. They're chasing the wolves. And she's saying, Lord, I'm going... I knew that, man.

[00:22:04] Alright, so you guys get in the line card and go through the western gates of the shot. Looking straight on at that giant just fuck you screaming skull death mist on the horizon. And then you start passing through the grey mists and everybody rolls your wisdom checks. D20, right? Yeah. D20 plus... 12. 14.

[00:22:34] Wisdom checks or wisdom saves? Wisdom saves, yeah. So if you're proficient in wisdom saves, which you are not, then you would have added your proficiency points, but it's still just a wisdom check for you. Oh, okay. So for... Do I still have the plus two or...? Yeah. Okay, so it's a total of 14. Okay. Total of 20. Okay, so you're the only one who doesn't see shit. Or see weird shit. You guys... Like, you're all in the cart. Like, the land carts, like, once they go through the dead mists, like, you're not getting lost.

[00:23:03] But you guys kind of get a sudden sense of unease as soon as you pass through the mists. As, like, you're being watched from everywhere. Yeah, the clouds have faces. Does my advantage against fear help against that? Probably, actually. Yeah, you can re-roll. I just figured... Yeah. Well, is it gonna have a negative impact on him if he... No, no. That makes a 16. 16? Okay. You're done. He's shaking off. He's a barbarian. Did you also?

[00:23:32] He was also a barbarian. I'm a Russian. I've seen worse. I don't have saving throw only on constitution strength. No, it's a, uh... A feature. Russian. Yeah, it should be in your features. Oh. Mark didn't write it down, but I'm gonna assume it's true anyway. Okay. I'll look at this. That's a revering class feature. Dangerous sense? Is that the one you guys are referring to? Where did you find that?

[00:24:02] Here. There. There's... Oh, no. It's because he's a halfling. Okay, so it was a halfling. Ah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, so you're... So, um... Token. Cabal Token. And, um... Fromage. Jesus Christ. I missed your fromage. The fromage and Token. You guys are, um... God damn it! I should've made you proficient at...

[00:24:32] With, uh, some sort of instrument. So that you could sing lounge music. You did. I have a job, Harp. Cabal Token. What the fuck's going on? Um... You guys feel like this, like, oppressive beast there that. So, uh...

[00:25:02] You also hear a train, like, coming right at you guys. You can hear the crackling of the lightning rail. And, like, the horn as the, uh... Of the train's, like, um... Like, kind of making itself known. And it's getting louder and louder. And it seems like it's gonna, like, rang into your land card. And then... At the epicenter, as soon as it, like, seems like it's about to hit you guys. Like, close your eyes. Like, oh, God. It's gonna hit us. Nothing happens. And you see it.

[00:25:28] And you hear the sound slowly kind of dissipate off into the distance on the other side of the card. Like, does it just, like, fade out or does it sound like the train passed through us? It sounds like a Doppler effect like it went right through you. Okay. But you don't see anything in the mists. You don't see anything come through the cart, like, ghostly or anything like that. You just hear the sound as it, like, ran right through. Like, we can... Like, how's the... Like, are we inside of it? You're inside the cart. You can see, like, five feet in front of you in the cart. No.

[00:25:55] You can't see anything except for gray outside. Okay. Do I notice either of them flinch? Yeah. Yeah, if you got... The people that didn't weren't, like, uh, like, infected by it. Yeah, you see them, like, flinching or, like, looking at it, like, maybe even, like, looking tense. Well, I'll look at Richard and be like, what was wrong? I should have been a dentist like my mother told me. Can I have some of your pipe, please? It's cool, man. Just smoke some of this. I was smoking it through a, like, 10-inch long filter.

[00:26:28] Because fucking French. A curved 10-inch long filter. So it's somewhere between a Gandalf pipe and a really pretentious bitch stick. But yeah, after a few moments, you guys... Or after probably about half an hour, you guys do eventually... The mist actually does dissipate and you find yourself in this sort of, like, ever gloom. Like, it's always, like, kind of twilight kind of lighting.

[00:26:56] Um, even during the day as it's all overcast and there's just this kind of... It's clear there's no more mist. But you're just seeing this, like, devastated, like, desolate landscape in front of you. Um... Like, is the sky cloudy with the horrid mist? Or can you actually see, like, sun or... No, you can't see the sun or anything. It's just clouds. Okay. Are the clouds staring at us and screaming? No, they are... No, it's just overheads. Oh, okay. It's just the fog on, like, all the perimeters. Okay, I didn't know if it was a dome or just walls. Yeah.

[00:27:26] Okay. Also, you don't see the skulls on the inside. They're particularly outside. Well, no, they want to leave. No faces. Interesting. Yeah, you see, like, off in the distance, like, old abandoned, like, settlements and buildings and structures. You hear the occasional howl of something or even, like, some disquieting, crunching sounds off in the far distance. And you...

[00:27:53] Over the course of the next, like, four hours as you're traveling from where you guys are in the... You guys are in the shop there, so you're basically, like, just on the outskirts of Tranish, a big city. Mm-hmm. And you can kind of see that you guys go past the desolate shores of the crimson... Of the crimson, uh... Crimson water. Yeah, the crimson water. This giant, basically just a blood lake. Okay. Uh, with skeletons and, like, other, and, like, other refuse all over the shoreline. It's, like, animal, like, bones.

[00:28:23] Like, things came out of the water and just died and desiccated. Wow. Okay. And there's, like, birds all over, like, bird skeletons everywhere and stuff. You can just run past that. Um, you can see, like, off in the distance this giant crystalline, like, escarpment. And that is the glass plateau. Like, it wasn't a glass plateau when the morning was happening, before the morning. Um, back then it was actually a large plateau where, like, one of the major seats of power were in the kingdom. And it's gone.

[00:28:51] Um, and yeah, you keep traveling for about four or five hours, um, all the way down south to, uh... Can't say we're bored during the trip. Yeah. Um, you also see a couple of battlefields of, um, of corpses that have not, have not rotted to a day. Um, they look as though they just died in battle. Um, multiple races and peoples, like, you can see a couple of their, all manner of race, uh, is in that battlefield.

[00:29:20] And they just look like they just died. Um, but you eventually get to, uh, the south end where, where seaside is. Um, and you can see, like, the desolate, empty town. It's actually gotten even quieter here. Um, like, there's no sounds whatsoever. Um, except for this lightly misty expanse on the outskirts of this desolate town.

[00:29:46] And Ronaldo is just like, huh, well, uh, that's where down it was supposed to be. It's still the slightly misty region. It looks like a misty world rolled in. But that part of the map hasn't loaded yet. Can I try and see if I see anything? Yeah. Uh, that'd be a perception check. Perception... I had one left. I do not.

[00:30:16] Seventeen... Uh, wow, that actually kind of looks like, uh, perception is wisdom. Twenty. Twenty? Twenty? Okay. Twenty-one. Alright. Um, yeah, you are able to see, like, through, like, along the road, um, and even, like, into the mist a little bit, you actually see a brightly painted sign advertising the town's main attractions. Um, and the, it's just a very kind of strange and haunting look.

[00:30:44] Because it's, like, brightly colored, like, not even, like, paint peeled as if, like, because it's supposed to be, like, six years. So, like, the paint hasn't peeled, it hasn't, the condensation from the mist hasn't affected at all. It's just this bright sign saying, like, go here to this attraction, go here to this attraction, go here, and it's pointing into, deeper into the, into that mist bank. Um, to Diner World. Well, the sign says the mist is fine, so. It says go there.

[00:31:13] You know, guys, I bet there's some really nice banks that are completely out of touch. Really? Uh, from what I heard, that did not go well the last time, so. Maybe we should just go to the attraction. Baguette! We, we, we, we. I don't know. Sorry. Uh, one of the moves.

[00:31:43] A second here, uh, yeah, uh, second back. Yeah, uh, second back. Yeah, the, also, another thing you guys noticed, um, the road has, uh, the road's, um, uh, make-ups change. Like, it's no longer, like, just like a regular, like, kind of like what you're used to in, like, a shot or, like, on other roads in the, uh, in, uh, Corvair. Um, Seer was a major, like, like, advanced civilization, an advanced empire. Um, they got concrete roads. Like, not just cobblestone.

[00:32:12] Or, like, or, like, uh, like, gravel roads. They've got, like, full-on, uh, concrete. And, like, um, uh, there's even a few actually, like, there's actually light posts over, like, from, uh, like, in a, in a long line, like, along the roads. With some of the magical lamps still working. Mm. Functioning. A couple of them spurred out, like, horror movie style. Um, and yeah, so Ronald's like, you want me to go? Sorry, I was going into, like, a French restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. It's infectious. We got French, Russian, and stoned. So.

[00:32:42] It is contagious. It is like the, uh, clap, huh? Yeah. So, uh, you want me to go, uh, press forward into the, uh, into this. Into the midst there, where the, where the sense says go to Dino World? Sure, bro. I don't, we, we'll share it. I'm just surprised the driver's on board with this at all. Rather than, you fucking walk. I mean. He, he got five grand up front. Yeah. As you said, I'm a little suspicious, but at the same time, I don't have to walk, so.

[00:33:13] Being short takes way more effort. Ah, here it is. I mean. So, um, for you though, it doesn't. No, but it doesn't mean they can't bitch about it. So, uh. It's still short. You guys pass through the, or like, start going through the mists, um, down that road, down the, the road into the fog bank, into this fog bank. And, uh, the fog in here, again, it's not as heavy and dense as like the one that goes

[00:33:42] all around the perimeter. Um. Oh God, that's a tree. I was like. Yeah. No. Um, and uh, so you can see things like a little bit more farther. You can see like 20 feet away rather than like just five feet in front of your face. Um, and you can see like old carriages, dead horses, in little like stable areas where like they, basically this is the parking area to the, uh, to the, uh, to the park. The would be parking lot. Yeah.

[00:34:12] Um, and uh, you, uh, eventually the mists, uh, where's the, the mists part revealing a set of dull iron gates. Thick vines and lush vegetation consume the fencing, but a large sign above the entrance reads, Dino, in peeling script. Uh, a heavy padlock secures the gates, and thick foliage obscures the area beyond the bars.

[00:34:36] Uh, and I will say you guys can roll me another perception check to hear things. And no good in this one. 22? 12. Okay, well you hear the bucket. To be fair, I'm also half deaf so that makes sense. Uh, 21. Okay, so green leaf and, um, cheese. What do our elk ears hear?

[00:35:05] Yeah, you hear, um, animal calls, like bird, like how large bird calls or animal calls, kind of like a jungle, kind of sounds like a jungle in Beyond the Gates. Um, a few of them are like, you're familiar with like natural animals, like, uh, the natural calls they make. A couple of these sounds sound a little tinny. Like there's, what was it, a mechanism to them?

[00:35:29] Uh, and then you guys also hear kind of off in the very far distance, a very tinny roar. Somewhere off in the distance beyond the gates.

[00:36:11] Uh, there is something in there which is not a natural. Okay guys, um, I'll hold the fort as it were. Um, while you go in there and find your, uh, what you're here to find. Uh, so can anyone pick this lock? Uh, actually. Does anybody have, uh, tinkering tools? Or beef tools? I don't think so. Oh. Did I give you knock?

[00:36:39] I would say the padlock could pick, but also, uh, you, uh, with our barbarian friends, you also know that, you also look at it and it's like, I can smash that. Yeah, smash. Well, um. Smash. Smash. Because I actually have, you know, a positive, uh, intelligence, surprisingly. He goes like, how'd she get it? Cause she's supposed to be in there already, right? Yep. Yeah, uh, do you want to roll an investigate?

[00:37:09] Sure. Uh. I will also investigate the perimeter. Uh, 10. 10? Okay. So I don't notice the giant hole. 19. 19? Um, so you guys will... Rather than investigating that, can I investigate if there's any threats around us? Yeah, that would be, uh, perception. Perception. Um, uh, we'll see. It's like, 11. Vegetation. I could probably find it. Um, but, uh, um. Fromage. Fromage.

[00:37:38] You see, um, you take a look at that. You're trying to walk. And it looks like, from the scratches on it, like some recent scratches inside the, uh, around the walk. It looks like it's been, uh, locked, or it's been picked already and then re-walked. Mmm. Hmm. That has some implications. Why would she look at the gate behind there? That thing is so rude. Also, what did you get for your perception? Uh, 11. 11? Okay.

[00:38:07] You think you hear, off in the distance, inside the, the, the, uh, uh, inside the confines of this gate. You think you hear, like, some, some deeper, like, roars. Mm-hmm. Um, but it's kind of hard to tell because there's a lot of animal, there's a lot of, like, kind of juggly sounds coming from beyond the gates. The Rainforest Cafe is right by the entrance, so. It does sound a little tinny, so. But that was nothing that I wouldn't have expected anyways. Yeah, gift shops on the other side.

[00:38:37] But around, like, around, like, the outskirts and so on, like, it's just, it's quiet. All right. So nothing really to tip anybody off about. It's just kind of, yeah, there's dinosaurs in the dinosaur enclosure. Who would have guessed? Yeah. They've been there for six years, for six, uh, for six years. Oh, that's kind of weird. Also, well, some of them were robotic. I glossed over that part somehow. So, like, because I think you guys shared your information previous. You know that some of the attractions were robotic in replicas. Not all of them were robotic. Some of them were exports from the Talenta Plains.

[00:39:06] So we either got robot dinosaurs or zombie dinosaurs. So, knowing that, I guess Sam would look around and be like, Oh, fuck, if they're animatronic robot dinosaurs, this is going to turn into, um... Five Nights at Freddy's? No. That's exactly what I was thinking. There's another one, actually. Willy's Wonderland. Willy's Wonderland. It's your closet. It's your closet. So, no, I guess... You haven't seen it? You need to check out Willy's Wonderland. Yeah, we were talking about that before. I guess Sam would just look around and just be like, um...

[00:39:35] There's still booms. Point inside the gate. One thing actually you do see, or you do find, um... You find a little kiosk next to the... or like nearby. Okay. Um... And, uh, there's actually, um... There's nobody inside the little kiosk, but there is like a large pile of untampered with maps. Oh! Yeah! Sorry, I'd pick up a couple of them and if there was enough, I'd make sure everybody has their own that way just in case the fog gets between us. I'd just be like, uh... Yeah. Look. Oh, jeez.

[00:40:05] Yeah, nobody's gonna sue. Uh... That's not trademarked at all. Nah, not even a little bit. It's fine. It's, uh... It's purely, uh... A tribute. Alright. This is not the greatest song in the world. It's just a tribute. Yeah. That is saved in my Spotify. But yeah, so, um... Yeah, you guys could try picking the lock though. Um... If you don't have tools to do it, like these tools, it's gonna be a little difficult. Uh, you could... Alternatively, you could try and smash the, uh... Smash the lock open. Mm-hmm.

[00:40:35] Or try climbing the, uh, the vines. The vines, like... The fencing is very... Uh, it's basically consumed by vines, so... Or easy to climb up. Well, I have great sword and hand axe. Do you have, like, a, like, war hammer or... Uh, I have a flaming frying pan axe. It's a battle axe. It's a battle axe shaped like a frying pan. Yeah. Perhaps you just, uh, hit the lock and she will burn. Duh. Yeah. Okay. So this should be an athletics check.

[00:41:05] And we're definitely making sure that whatever is inside there will be... ...be able to chase us out. And you could actually be proficient in athletics. Yeah. So you get your plus three and your plus five. So that's a total of 19. Okay. Yeah. You... Either with the flat end, you smack it down, or you can try and cut the edge of the front end. Honestly knowing me, I'd probably use the sharp edge just to see if I could. Yeah. Yeah. No, you easily, like, break the padlock.

[00:41:34] So I just turn and... You're ready to go, open. Uh, and it slowly opens with, like, a horrible, like, kind of creaking. Uh, like, it slightly opens. It's fine. Yeah. Uh, and then, uh, yeah, you, uh, open the doors a little bit further and kind of walk into what looks like a central plaza area. Um, a thick jungle surrounds this red brick plaza. Benches and food stalls painted in jolly green stand abandoned around the perimeter.

[00:42:04] Several paths through the trees lead off in different directions. Across the way is a large building with the words visitor center painted on the entrance. Uh, someone has hastily boarded up the doors and windows. Hmm. Hmm. Perhaps the first order of business should be to, uh, check all the cash registers. That is something you would do? That would be totally a sign that there'd be somebody here if they're empty.

[00:42:33] So, you know, we might as well check. It is just, uh, reconnaissance as they say, you know? Yeah. The food kiosks on the side, like, is the food still intact the same way like the bodies weren't brought in? Yeah, the bodies have brought in. No. Give me a second actually. No, those have all been collected by Woody and Russell. I was just thinking that. I was like a Lord Will and a GD Twinkie. Yeah, no, um, you go, uh, yeah, you go to some of the food stalls.

[00:43:03] Um, there are, there's actually even food on plates. On the counter is if somebody was about to pick them up. Uh, and, uh, they, they just like, they just brought, when you look at it, it's like, it's perfectly well preserved. Yeah. Like, as if it was like made that day. It was like these corn dogs or like, um, or various like, like, like deep fried bananas and some other. If there's a cupcake, I just take a bite out of one. Yeah. It's absolutely fresh. Nachos? Sure.

[00:43:30] I mean, you, you go to back into the back to like one of the, the giant steampunk like version of like a dispenser, like a, uh, cheese dispenser and you try the lever and it fucking pulls up, pours out nacho cheese, but it's not. It is now my cheese. Uh, no, that's chicken my head under it. Yeah. It's fresh, hot, like cheese. Excellent.

[00:43:58] Um, and there's even like, yeah, there's like a bag of nachos or, of, of nachos. Yeah. Just watching this, I guess, I just be like, strange. As I watch, I look for it. I just started eating nachos and cupcakes. Yep. I did look around and see if like, there's a clock that's like, you know, stopped. Well, you didn't watch the writing all day. Yeah. There's a main clock like in the main, like, in the main square, like on a post and you see like all the, all the stuff, uh, they'll stop. Um, you guess the, the time it stopped.

[00:44:28] When the mists pass through the morning. Oh, that's fine. I do throw a rock at it to save it starts up again. Okay. Um, you do. It's making lots of noise in this sort of situation. There's a clank. There's a clanking sound. Uh, somebody roll a d6. Five. Five? Okay. Um. That's better than what I got. This is not necessarily better. It's just a random chance of different things happening.

[00:44:58] I'm aware I just like higher numbers because it gives me at least a little bit of hope. It sounds good. It might not. It sounds good. It might not. You like, you throw that into a clank, like it clatters and there's some sounds and some of that. A few seconds later you hear another sound. Um, it's like, with a high pitched whistle, something shiny falls from the sky, then shatters on the ground right at your feet, basically. Um, uh, Kabal, uh, Kabal. I think you might need some fireball dice.

[00:45:26] Um, from here it appears to be like this metal, this, uh, uh, shiny thing falls at your feet. It's very large. It's about medium size. Um, it appears to be a tangle of metal limbs and cloth. Um, it's, you look at it like that, after you try to hop away from it. Yeah. A little bit of a kind of like fall around. Um, it appears to be a warforged park attendant or park attendant, um, that has fallen from the sky.

[00:45:55] Let me guess. And he had spontaneously shut off at some point. Like all of them, just the heads? Is that something that all warforged do? Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. You want like just the head or the whole? No, no, the whole body. Like it's just a dude just falls in the sky. Well, you, you know, yeah. So you're investigating and you're looking at it? Yeah. I'm not going to make you roll up for this. Uh, you look, you look around and stuff. Yeah. This, this thing isn't just like the impact didn't just rip, man, mangle this thing.

[00:46:26] This warforged was like bent, is bent out of shape. Parts of it are like, like, there's a lot of scratching sounds. A lot of scratching, like, like, claw marks. Claw marks, yeah. And like, it looks like something is crunched down on it several times. Um, also in the clothing you find, um, you find a, a, a little tablet with a, uh, some, uh, some runes, some runes on it that seem to give off a shininess to it. Like seem to give off a, uh, an energy to it.

[00:46:54] And there's a little, in, in script above on the top that says fast pass. Magic. Here. While they do that, Sam's going to try and make sure he's underneath something so that Oh, yeah, sorry. Why are you? Because he's shortened. What, sorry? I forgot what class you were, sorry. So Sam, because he's a haveline, he's going to try and make sure he's underneath something so nothing can land on him. Yeah, you walk over to like all the kiosks. Yeah, you just make sure something's standing above him so nothing lands on him. Fair. So yeah. Because now that he's aware, that's a problem. Yeah.

[00:47:22] I hand the clearly magical item to the, uh, wizard. And then, go. Um, I assume pterodactyls are a thing too. Yes. They count as detoners. So he starts looking up. Um, that would be a perception. Yeah. See if you notice those. But yeah, what are you doing there, uh, I'm gonna do an arcana. If I notice those, note his phrasing there. Oh, I'm sure they're there. That's part of what I'm sure I'm doing or something.

[00:47:52] Uh, 16 plus 3, so 19. Okay. Uh, you see some shapes, some dark shapes up in the sky, like in the- it's hazy up there because it's a fast overcast. You're pretty sure you see some like, some things moving around that aren't just natural. Um, I just- I'm looking up and I'm just pulling out my sword. Yeah. Well, they don't- they don't come down to like, like, go after you guys. But you do see like, you definitely see something- some things like moving around up there. I'm gonna leave the Flaming Friday Panther.

[00:48:19] And, uh, for the arcana check, you see that, uh, the- this fast pass thing, um, it's- it's got a, um, it's got a magic identified- It's- it's got the same kind of effect as a potion of speed. Hmm. So as soon as you- it's- it's- as soon as you break it, it activates the, uh, the spell. Excellent. So you can poop to the next, uh, ride without having to walk it. Um, well it's a potion of speed.

[00:48:48] It effectively has the same effect as potion of speed, so- Aaron, what's potion of speed? That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- That's- Sweet.

[00:49:15] When you drink this potion, you gain the effect of a haste spell for one minute. No concentration required. The potion's yellow fluid is streaked with black, it's frozen with his home. Yeah, so, basically you snap the card in half, you get haste. And that contributes haste to haste. Which I believe lets you make one additional weapon attack, and increases your base speed. It would be quite handy in a theme park when you're trying to, like, rush to the different rides. Trying to get to the lines.

[00:49:44] And if they're charged an exorbitant amount, so- Yeah. You're like- Yeah. Uh, yeah, you roll that one and, like, it clatters. And- Well, I don't throw it- Yeah, just like- I look around at the others to see if anybody's gonna stop me. I'm gonna need something. Nothing can land on me. I'm cool as where am I. Okay. Yeah, so you're-

[00:50:14] Take it with me. I could just cast the dancing lights over there. To see if anything comes to my lights. Throws it anyways. Saves you in the spell slot. Uh, it is a cantrip. It's the double knock. Magic. I know. I like how we have team brains slash team brawns. I love how team brawn is kind of on both teams.

[00:50:44] Uh, but yeah, you- That rock fire or something like that. And you wait a few minutes and nothing happens. Mm. He's still looking up, like, regularly. He's just like- Yeah. Yeah. You see occasionally there's a little more shadow in the sky, but nothing seems to be getting closer. So. He grabs the map and points at the, uh, one of the wings is like- What is?

[00:51:15] Pterodactyl? They're common on the Talenta planes. Is leather bird. Ah! Not dragon. Oh, I'm supposed to be doing the Batman voice. Oh, wait a second. The only one not doing the voice. Not dragon. It's not dragon at all. Not dragon. Not dragon. No! No! You have to do the voice, but I don't know when you're speaking in character.

[00:51:47] I'm sure his voice will be very distinctive on recording. Yeah. Probably. I'll just go- We'll edit in post. I'll just go in and just like lower the- or lower the pitch a little bit. That's too much work. That's too much work. You get to be normal Batman, not Gravely Batman. Yeah, so where do you guys want to go from there? Adam West. Adam West. Yes.

[00:52:17] If only I could do that voice, I would. We're in the Adam West area. Here we go. No, I think we're going to go to the pterodactyl area like our token black dragon was pointing out. So you're not going to go check out that- We're going left? Excellent. No, we have to go left first. Because left is always right. I mean, I'm just kind of following. I made sure nothing came to land on me. I'm just kind of here to swing my axe at things. I have nothing to swing my axe at yet.

[00:52:42] Kevin, usually when I'm playing, the majority of the players are left-handed. So, we all feel that left is the correct direction to go first. Also, this is like the first time ever that I've been playing with mostly right-handed people. Also, I assume you guys were also like rating the cash registers. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys got about 1600- or no, about 160- not 1600, 160 gold. Nice. It's basically just like change.

[00:53:12] Each or group? Okay, then I will mark it on my sheet because I- Splitting four that's 40 each. Alright. My brain does weird math real fast and then does other math like I'm a fucking toddler. So- I just don't do math. So everybody got 40 gold. Maybe. Well, then we also got the half up front so we also got the 600. Oh, yeah, right. So we're at 640. 650. I had 10 in actual. Well, look at you fancy guys.

[00:53:42] Okay, I want to convert all of mine to Eberoni's. So, what's the- sorry, what was the payment? What's the 40? The payment was I think. So you got 600 up front for the mission and then you collected 40 from the cash register. Okay. That's your shot. I couldn't remember- I remember it started at 5 and then I knew there was some haggling. Yeah, no, my- my brain did fast math and then went kind of retarded. I'm also going to get some food while you guys figure out where you're going next. So, why not? Hmm.

[00:54:13] Well. Uh, not that- the nut dragons are gonna be over there. We know that much. But not duck. Still right. It's certainly not a duck. Not quite sure what it is. A pterodactyl made of leather and metal. So we came in here, right? Yeah. So we got that place that's all boarded up. And then instead of investigating that we decided to go left. Well, just like-

[00:54:42] I don't know how grunty I am. One barbarian goes left. The other barbarian goes, okay. This does look rather interesting. I feel like there could be some good loot in there. Maybe a hobgoblin would like to set up camp, huh? Not nest. Nah. Nest. Same thing. I mean, come on. Sam's favorite word. Job?

[00:55:12] You guys figure out where you're going? Bird crab girl? Bird go there. Chop bird. You'll go to the left and investigate that dumb thing. Okay. Actually- Like, why am I grunt-eyed? I'm intelligence 10. That's like base average, right? Before- Before we go there, I kinda wanna see if I didn't see any fucking plugins.

[00:55:38] Well, I thought it was like all concrete and asphalt and such, cause this place actually has, you know, money and- Yeah, it's concrete. But, the coterie path. Well, I mean with the mist and stuff, you know, condensation and shit, I don't know. Apparently time doesn't really exist here. Yeah, true. So, we're finding food that's still fine when six years old. Time is just a construct, man. I mean, absolutely. I've tried to explain this to Dave and it breaks her brain. Time's a construct and we're all just a uniform of consciousness experiencing itself. Because that's all reality is.

[00:56:06] I didn't know what bag of chips to open cause you got both of the good ones. Wasn't I gonna get the shade ones? True question. You know who those take on the sky is copper. So, for some reason they said they put the player- like, part of the player map. Not have the numbers. With the player map. So, here's going. Where are you going? Yeah, we're gonna go investigate the pterodactyl. Wait, so that area. Okay. Bird cramps are all bird bull.

[00:56:35] My logic was basically, a bird must have dropped something at us. Then there were variances, let's go investigate the birds. Fair. Kind of makes sense. Should I investigate the border birds? Maybe. I'll get to it later. What? I'm totally gonna survive that long. Hmm. Question mark? So, you have 68 HP. That's fine. I'll be fine though. Okay, so-

[00:57:04] You do actually have the most HP in the bird. I'll just keep hiding over these things. That's fine. Okay, so you're traveling down the road. Basically, there's jungle vegetation on either side of this cave area with some of those like wood posts like Wonderland has or like a theme park has. This is totally not Jurassic Park. Yeah, basically, yeah. Um, and there's a pretty dense jungle around. Um, somebody roll a d6.

[00:57:34] Uh, roll again. Cause we have five last. Six. Six? Okay. Uh, go number higher. Okay. This is interesting. Way to find us. So, as you're walking down that road, or down that cement road to- T-Rex. To the jungle itself. Uh, there's a sound of clanging and stomping fill the air as a metal cylinder comes bouncing

[00:58:04] over the- over like the- over a ridge of the jungle and into the- into the clearing. Like into your, um, like into the path. Like into the view. Yeah. Um, followed by a band of mutated dinosaurs. Uh, the metal container rolls to a stop in front of you, uh, showing a picture of an ice cream cone on its side. Uh, it appears to be- it appears to be lightly giving off steam or some kind of like, fumes. Mm-hmm.

[00:58:33] Sorry, they were dropping more shit on us? No, uh, something rolled- uh, rolled off a hill from the jungle area. Ah. And, uh, it was a large cylinder, um, with the ice cream cone on the, uh, insignia on it. And, uh, some mutated dinosaurs that followed as well. Ooh. Fun. Um, these dinosaurs are the, um, uh, there is, uh, a triceratops. So, three-horned lurch. Dinosaur.

[00:59:01] Uh, and, uh, by the other list of it, uh, give me a second here. Two, um, two, uh, clothets, which are effectively raptors. All right. In the other bodies. They keep some of the names and then they change the other things. And so, how far away are these from us? Um, they're right in front of you. No.

[00:59:30] But they don't seem to be, um, they are, uh, they're also mutated so there's like, ooh, like, ooh, um, like organic growths and tentacles kind of coming off. Oh, geez. Um, but they, uh, they are currently more interested in that cylinder that is giving off steam than you guys. But they are right in your path from the roof. Go on, let's kick it back at them. Fetch. Fetch.

[01:00:01] Can I get the canister at them? Or towards them? You can. Roll, so, uh, that'd be athletics. Yeah, athletics. Hmm. Oh, math. Twenty-four. Twenty-four. And you launch that thing. Now I need you to roll, uh, this is something that's not in the actual game. Roll percent, uh, two percentile dice. Mm. That's nice. This one.

[01:00:30] And, uh, before you do, high or low? Mm. Uh, twenty-four. So the dinosaur, so you kick that, that cylinder, like, just, away, like, into the jungle, it's gone. Peep! The dinosaurs follow it, and then they both, they all look to you guys. And they start rallying. You rumped the ball. Initiatives!

[01:01:00] Estee, come on, Mac, why you kicking over there? I thought there was a dinosaur, Dallas. Grr. Oh, right. Do you like your bonus two initiative? Thank fuck. Nice. Uh, you get a plus four to your initiative. Uh, yeah. It's still a natural one. It's still a nat one. Oh, okay. Thankfully I have lucky. Oh, right. Yes, because you're a halfling. Nine. Nine. Nine total, or you rolled? Four, sorry, no. Uh, thirteen. My bad.

[01:01:30] Thirteen, okay. That's, uh, Sam. Twenty. Sorry. No, I gotta like remember, like the names are a little hard because they're all new. No, absolutely. Sorry, um, what did you get? Three. That sounds better than a nat one. This is normal for me whenever we're all initiative. Like, I'm always last. Barbarians are not quick. Oh, it doesn't matter what character I'm playing, what game we're playing, I roll low on the initiative. You should have.

[01:01:59] So, Marys, I mean, you can face you and four. Twenty. Twenty. Twenty? Okay. Do not, like, not know the numbers. Um. I'm sure I put this out there because it kind of makes sense. I'm probably the one closest to them considering I'm going to kick the canister. Yeah. Yeah. Just putting that out there. And I would like, yeah. Sam started to think that might not have been a great idea. All right. Well, wait. Wait, thanks.

[01:02:28] Triceratops and two raptors. On occasion. So, initiatives are legalize, or fromage, Triceratops, Sam, Cabal, Raptor 1, and Raptor 2. Hi, Triceratops. How you doing? How you doing? We're probably about to meet. So, um. So, um. Got a slaving ups for you. Okay. So, yeah. Um.

[01:02:59] There they are. These are also bigger looking raptors than, like, like, they're bigger than average coffins. I'd like to point out that on the planes, your people actually ride velociraptors as maps. Yeah. You ride these ones. They're the ones that you ride. That would explain why I was so comfortable kicking a canister at them and being like, one way or another this is going to work. Yeah. I mean, it worked, but like, I, just so like. Yeah.

[01:03:27] It worked, but there was also a chance that they would have taken that bait or not, so. There was always a chance. Yeah. The risk was there. The reward was also there. We didn't get the reward this time. Yeah. But yeah, so top of the round. Legalize. Hmm? And D4. There you go. So legalize. You're up. Okay. So I'm going to step out off to the side. See if I can get the attention of one of the, um.

[01:03:59] I want to use Thorn Whip, but not as an attack. Yeah. I'm going to use it as part of an action to cow this clawfoot. Okay. Okay, so I'm just going to. It's not a cow, it's a dinosaur. Same, same, but different. I'm just going to crack the whip. I'm going to make eye contact. His father was a dinosaur. I tried to stare it down.

[01:04:27] You do the, uh, uh, crocodile dundee, like, hand thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Somewhere between crocodile dundee and Chris Pratt. Yeah. So crocodile pratt. Christ. You are a pratt. That was a day. It's a good day. It's a good day. Yeah, but it's also awesome. Thank you for, uh, thank you for ordering it off the Kickstarter for me. This is your fault. Yeah, I hate myself. Mmm. I did it once.

[01:04:55] He did mention earlier that it was probably his worst purchase, so. Yep. Yeah. Mmm. That's not great. That's my 16. And animal handling, which is wisdom, so plus 5. So 21 plus 3, 24. Okay. Yeah. So I've got it locked. It looks at you and like it's your, you get your ascension and then it just, it's like staying in your, it's like a cobra kind of thing. Okay. Yeah.

[01:05:23] And I'm gonna reach into my, uh, my bag of holding. Okay. And pull out a, um, pull out a steak. Hold it up. Yeah. Yeah. A piece of a more. Sorry. A rat. Just a dead rat. Okay. That's me. Yep. That's it for me. Alright. Uh, next up is fromage. Uh. I look at the triceratops and I, uh, I cast the magic missile. Okay. At, uh, level 3. At a screen. I don't think your taming trick's gonna work.

[01:05:52] Oh no, he, he has one of those, the rat, the rat. Mm. The triceratops. I mean, if it's going off next to it, it's probably not right though. Big one. Yeah. Yeah. One, two, four, eight, uh, eleven damage to the triceratops. Did you add the plus ones for each missile? I did. Okay. Better than me and a half. Uh, no, I did my cat.

[01:06:25] Sorry, eleven damage to the ice. I've been playing. Eleven damage. Yeah. I was looking at those dice. Eight? Yeah. We made them. Yeah, we made those. What were the last? I, I've been looking at the download files. I've been considering printing myself some. I have a resin and an FDM, so I was like, which do I want? And then I ran out of both resin and FDM. And I was like, no, it doesn't matter. So that triceratops starts like, like, it gets bombarded by your magic missiles.

[01:06:55] They're, uh, cheese. And, uh, it doesn't like that very much. Um, you, um... Sam. Sam. You're, you're looking at it and it's like, oh, boom. Cause it starts like, cause it's not looking at you, but something behind you. Oh no. Where those magic missiles came from. And it starts like getting its, uh, feet ready. Of course. Oh, sacrebleu. Sacrebleu. I have a neck. I move, uh, thirty feet back. Okay. Yeah. Um. Um.

[01:07:24] Oh shit, I didn't give you misty stat. Oh shit, I don't know if that's gonna actually help. I was gonna say, I don't know if that's gonna help buddy. I don't know if that's gonna help buddy. I'm looking at the speed of these things, that might not help. Um. Cause these things are like, right, you guys are like, basically like, not even like 10, 20 feet away from this thing. Wait, how far did you move? 30 feet. Yeah. Sweet, I moved 35. I can come back and help. Well, next up is actually Sam. I was gonna say, I'm pretty sure the Stegosaurus is next, so whichever one it chooses, I might have to come help you. Charging. I don't have a choice.

[01:07:53] It goes before me. No, no, you're right. Oh, I thought it was Stegosaurus to me. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're right. Sorry, I, it's because I, yeah. I thought you said Stegosaurus for me, that's why I was like, oh shit, you might be in trouble. The 27th house does go first, uh, after the first two. Um, so yeah, it starts, uh, so yeah, uh, actually I do need you to roll the next save. Okay. Um, because it just starts charging. At hand. Uh, 14. 14? Okay. Um. Yeah, 14. You narrowly, like, you like, whoa!

[01:08:23] It's like in my pants. You just dive away or something as it just charges past you. Just, oh no! Um, no, you, you said, uh, uh, Richard that you, um, went like 30 feet back. You guys were like only like 10, 15 feet away from these things from the beginning. This thing's got a speed of 50. So, one round, it's, uh, it's odd. The term is ram speed. Yeah. Or corrode. It's 100 feet. It depends. Oh man, it's gonna stop. If it's a charge, then it's 100 feet.

[01:08:53] Oh yeah. So it's definitely a good. The good news is I can travel 35 feet backwards. So let's see if it actually hits you. Does a 13 hit? Oui. Okay. It doesn't happen. Why not? Because I made your character. I should say, if anybody knows it actually might be Aaron. Oh, I can bump AC by two. Mm-hmm. Yes I can. I use my reaction. I bump AC by two. I found 14. You miss.

[01:09:22] Okay, you like, thorough, thorough. Literally skin of your pants. Yeah, literally, yeah. You can actually get out of the way as it does a full charge. I am no longer wearing my brown pants. Unfortunately, they're not written. Now the unfortunate limitation about that is that you can't use a leveled spell on your next turn. So it's only cantrips. Damn, Mac. You're gonna have better than get hit by a triceratops. I mean, yeah, especially if...

[01:09:51] So they're charging an agor attack. So, yeah, it's gonna hurt. Yeah. Now remind you, one shot. He's not fucking around. So next up is... It doesn't have any multiple things around that, so... So what is disengaged normally? Action? Mm-hmm. Okay. So now it's a turn. Alright. So... He's in kneeling with me, so you have advantage if you attack me.

[01:10:19] I was gonna say, so you're 30 feet behind me, but I can move 35 feet. Mm-hmm. So I'm going to go after that triceratops. And keep in mind that triceratops is probably 10 feet long. Mm-hmm. So you would only have to move like 15 feet. That's a huge piece. A huge piece? Yeah. Okay, so it's like 15 feet long. Mm-hmm. Hmm. How are you not dead? See... Oh, because Aaron made his sheep. See, if I had there... If I had any animal handling...

[01:10:48] I would try and rodeo this bitch. But you didn't. I ain't got none. Yeah. So I guess... You have a flaming flying pan. I guess I'm sure take this flaming flying pan and see how far up its ass I can stick it. All right. So I guess I gotta roll to see if I hit first. Also, that would have been an option. Roll a d20. Plus what? Plus the attack bonus on your weapon. Where did I find that, Aaron? Sorry? Attack bonus. Oh, right there. I guess it would help.

[01:11:17] Uh, 19. 19? Uh, that will hit. All right. So... Where are the... D8 plus 5 plus D6. 7, 5, 13. 13? 5 of which is fire damage. Okay, cool. So it's on fire. Great. I set a leathery-ass dinosaur on fire. Congrats, Merit. It's now on fire. I got an edge. Next up is...

[01:11:47] Cabal. The good news is you go before it goes again. So there is... One of the large raptors is being currently like mesmerized in a way by him with a stake from the raptor. Crocky. Um, the preseratops is after these two guys and then there's one more large raptor. And he's looking at me I assume. Yeah. It looks at all of them that... Like it looks at... It looks to you as like, oh fuck. It's one of those you're kind of watching going, man that sucks. You look at each other and go, aw man! Pull up the sword. Okay.

[01:12:19] Uh, speed of 40 so I assume I can get at him. Oh yeah. You guys are like all rage. We're pretty close to the whole situation so it would have been smart. Okay, so as far as rage goes, if you activate your rage and then you don't attack and you don't get attacked, then you go out of rage and you're actually uh... Exhausted or exhausted. Exhausted. I don't know. But, as long as you're gonna be attacking... Rage. Yeah, and since I got this sucker by myself...

[01:12:48] Rage mode. And it's got this like weird cause it's like it's... It's head... Is... Wrong. Like it's jaws are not like vertical like up and down. It's sideways. Oh jeez. Oh fuck you were! That's how they mutated? That's like uh... Oh I know this one off a little crap. Gug? Something like that. Yeah. Chug, chug, chug. Frickin' piranha pint head. Yeah. Um... So yeah, that's gotta go. So uh... Chop, chop. Okay. Uh, we'll do that.

[01:13:16] Okay, so attack one cause I get two attacks. You get two attacks? Extra attack. We're fifth level right? Yep. But in the fifth you attack twice instead of once whenever you take a... Oh, should he have had a second one? He... Should have. Uh, yo, um... Jordan. Jordan. You technically get another attack. Oh yeah. That's a barbarian. A level five. Yeah. That's why we keep... I think it's too late now. Okay, it's too late now. Sorry.

[01:13:46] We'll go next time. But yeah. We'll go for next time. So, cheers. Well he set the thing on fire and then all we've done is turn... So... I just gotta let him go for it. Oh yeah, go for it. Cause I haven't actually started doing anything yet so... And it didn't matter anyway so... No. Okay. He takes another... It was a six. Total. Yeah, bounce off one of the horns. You still get advantage because he's flanked. Okay. We're welcome.

[01:14:18] 11. Not much better. Second. What's your attack bonus? Plus eight. Sorry, you're not putting that... You're not putting that big head? Sorry. Oh no, it is. Plus eight. So it's 19. That will do that. This is what I need. This is what I need Aaron. This is a eight plus five plus D6. It's okay. We always turn your things off. So that is 11 normal damage and five fire damage. Yep. It's not liking that.

[01:14:47] Now it's pine damage now on fire. My ass is quite literally on fire. So yeah, that is just... It's not having a good day. Also those tentacles are getting more like... Probably lashing out a bit. Hey Richard. I pay now it's tension. Merci beaucoup monsieur. Can I get you some help? So back to the... Back to the order that is the... The order that is the... The order that is the... The order that is the...

[01:15:16] So yeah, rage, charge Adam, and attack number one. Thirteen. Thirteen plus eight. So... That definitely hits them. Uh, it's two dice six slash. These are delicious. Three... What are those ears? Uh, four slash. Okay. Uh, four slash. You're not buying more. Um... Are you saying... I don't...

[01:15:46] Hmm? I didn't build this a bit. Uh... Uh... What's going on? Probably trying to figure out to make sure that we have the damage right. So like... Just two D six slash so that's... Okay, so it'll be two D six plus your strength... Uh, strength bonus. Ah. Mark didn't. What kind of weapon is it? Uh, Greek sword slash. Yeah, two D six plus your strength. It's five. Uh, plus five. Okay. So that's now it's my damage. That's better.

[01:16:16] Yeah. Yeah, it's like you're level five so you get the second shot. You do? Mm-hmm. Okay, I'm just like... Level five and only doing four dead... Four dead... That doesn't seem quite... I can deadlift my old weight. Like normally I'm magical characters rather than melee but I'm like I don't think they're that uh... I did two thirty five for six reps and I still had gas in the tank. Okay. Attack dos. I was using a hex deadlift bar. Uh, nine plus eight equals a lot.

[01:16:46] Uh, seventeen. That will do it. Okay. So five plus a six plus a five. Six plus a five. Six plus a five. Okay. Yeah. You can't quite kill it but it is very aggro. Like it is on death's door. It's realizing chasing that ice cream might have been a good idea. Yeah. Um, but it is uh, it then says... Wait, what?

[01:17:16] Uh, no. The raptor then says... Uh oh. Next up is actually the triceratops. Um, yeah those pseudopods that are on its back, um, are gonna lash out at uh, what are we going to do? Of course. I mean that was kind of the goal. So... Uh, you have a lot of HP. The meat shield. Well, exactly. I have the most health. I'd very as well be the meat shield in this situation. Most? I got sixty two. Sixty eight. Fuck you. Who built this character? Who built this character? Who built this character?

[01:17:54] Who built this character? Yeah, it's over twenty to hit. Oh, yeah I have AC of twenty. Meats and meats. So let's just grab uh... Does it not take disadvantage from being flanked? I don't think so. I'm like checking my cheat sheets I had here. I tried. If it hits me, it hits me. That was the goal between the flank. I'm sold. A lot more HP than me.

[01:18:23] I mean the goal was to kill it first, but if it hits me, it still would have been hitting you so... You only had sixteen damage? Sixteen. As you were just like, oh, just assaulted by tentacles from its uh, from the back. Tentacles? Yeah. Not great, but I mean... I'd have to smack it another day, so... Uh, next up is the raptor that uh, or the large raptor that um, uh, Cabal was taking. Um, and it is in a kind of a panicked anger.

[01:18:52] It's just going to uh, uh, lash out at you, um... Okay, so do you have firebolt with two things and firebolt cards? Anything else? Does a ten hit you? Uh, against armor? Nope. Okay. Uh, well it's going to attack again, because that's the second shot. Yep. Oh, technically it has three shots. Okay, cool. Ew. Two claw... I'm not older than that twenty. Well, goodnight everybody! Awwww.

[01:19:21] Okay, we're fifth level and you're barbarian. Yeah. That shouldn't kill you. That shouldn't kill you. The... Lovecraftian guy... I'm going to get infected by some sort of... There's a new sort of... There's a new sort of... The capital italicized underlined SHOULDN'T. Yeah. Now I'm rolling my Lovecraftettes, but... And of course I maxed out on eight. Uh, so... Hence emphasis on... Uh, so that's gonna be... Um, and so... So...

[01:19:50] I, uh, I dealt... So that twenty I double up on the dying world, right? Yes. Double the dice. I think so. Yeah. I thought it was, um... Uh, you get max damage, then a bonus stack. That's fourth end. Yeah. Okay. So you take, um... Sixteen damage. Sixteen damage. Eight. Um, and then... And then it rolls again to attack with another claw attack. That was a nineteen!

[01:20:20] Yep! I heard an email about signing up for an information session that I remember. So that is gonna be... I don't know what it's about. Four and a little d-two. I think it's clear what needs of information. Uh, and that only gets you four, uh, five. Wow. That's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, um... More health than you, though. And next up is Raptor number two, which was currently being, um, like, animal handled by Hugh. So it's... But you've got its attention with that rat. It wants to eat that rat. Okay.

[01:20:50] So, it's gonna go for that hand. I was gonna say, but the issue is, does it include the hand or not? From the bullwhip? Do you wanna make it a pose animal handling versus, uh, whatever his rule is? Yeah, I guess it's his wisdom. Sure. Okay. Eighteen. Twenty-four. Okay. Yeah, no, it wants to go after that hand, but it's currently capped.

[01:21:20] It remembers it's before life. It remembers, yeah. Before everything changed. There's some biological, like, uh, or some heritage it remembers from, like, back when... There's no better conditioning there. Mm-hmm. Uh... It's waiting just long enough that you haven't lost your hand yet. Yeah. You might still. Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Well, throw the rat away. I'm gonna make it another rat. Animal handling. Okay. Try what...

[01:21:49] I know what you're gonna do with this now. Uh, make him, uh, make him sit if I can. Okay. I thought it was here to remember the Cheseratops or the Cheseratops. But... Bear in mind, this thing also has, like, a tenacle on it. The Cheseratops is not, like, his buddy who has, like, a reverse jaw. That's fair. Okay, so that's thirteen plus eight, so twenty-one. Okay, I'll roll the wheel save. Okay, it sits.

[01:22:17] I will toss him the rat. Okay, it looks at you for a moment and then... lowers its head and takes the rat. Okay, and then I'm gonna do the, um... Uh, uh, fuck, what's it, uh... How to Train Your Dragon. The hand out, look away. Yeah. Roll, uh... Roll a percentage. Percentage? Yep, percentile. High or low?

[01:22:49] As I said, low didn't work for me. Or, high didn't work for me. I'm... Fifty-two. Fifty-three, sorry. Fifty-three. Okay, your hand does not... Your hand doesn't go away. It does make contact with the, uh, the top muzzle of this... partially mutated, uh... Glosser. Glosser. Or not a glosser. It's a... It says, like, Dinonychus, but it's like... It's a large raptor. It's a raptor. And yeah, you... It, like, it...

[01:23:16] It's letting you do that and not... Uh, you said that one's head's on the right way. I got the weird one. Yeah, you got the weird one. He was holding the tentacles. Yeah, he actually... You have the vagina mouth. He has a displacer vagina. Duh. Yeah. A displacer beast. It's considerably more mutated. This one's mostly normal. Yeah. It's a tentacles. It's a tentacles. It's a tentacles. We're not here to judge. Oh, absolutely not. I'm absolutely here to judge. Oh yeah, you're an elf.

[01:23:43] This is basically the worst thing I've had to edit out. Or not have to edit out. So... I mean, to be fair, it's those kind of comments that usually get the viral reactions. So... Vagina mouth velociraptor. Fame. Nice. So I'll just put a mark here. Vagina dentotic big titty jock. Goff GF. Or a Richard cheese. Or dick cheese. I'd see this more often than a triceratops. It's still looking at you.

[01:24:13] The tentacles are going after your buddy. I'm going to disengage. Yeah, my action. Okay. So I'm five feet away from him. And then I run the fuck away. Okay. Um... High or low? Let me just find those. I mean, would that give him advantage since I'm still engaged? Or...

[01:24:42] I'll increase the... Low. No, hold on. High. No, you had to say... Dammit, you said low again. High. Okay. Fifty four. Okay. Uh, it does not give chase. It is still on fire. So it's still... It's like my ass is on fire. I should probably turn it around. It doesn't have that like motion like oh something's moving. I should chase it. Yeah. He's sitting there like my ass is on fire. I should maybe turn around. Yeah. Uh, so you're just... You're just booking it away.

[01:25:12] Yep. Okay. Uh... Sam... I literally can't throw a spell on this turn because I use the thing in the other turn. Ah, true. So Sam's book. Well, you can throw a canter. Uh, wait. Oh, no. Sorry. I thought there was the... My bad. Triceratops between us. So yeah, Triceratops turns to face Sam's book. Okay. There we go. Yeah, and he turns around and just like... Growls and goes to turn. Goes to gore you. Oh, that's so cool. So, uh... Let's see what that is.

[01:25:43] Um... My AC is 20. Well, it got 24. Well, that definitely has. Um, so that is going to be a lot of deans. Where are those deans? A lot of deans. Okay. Uh, yeah. Don't like the sound of that, but we'll see where we at. Do you need additional deans? Nope. I got them. Okay. 15 damage. 15 damage. 15 damage.

[01:26:12] And you are gored by its ornest. Did you rage? No, I did not get it. You, you really want to rage. Come on. Oh! I went rage and I didn't add the bonuses to it. Oh, you did. That one means remember what they do exactly. Yeah. Which means that you take half damage from... Oh, you were. Basically everything non-magic. Staying in the attacks. Yeah. Pretty much anything non-magic. Not an explosion, but... Okay. Except that you have resistance to poison anyways, so... Yeah. Yeah.

[01:26:42] So now it's... I was gonna say, I think after that. Yeah, because the pressure is going to fall ahead one attack. Well, gee, what am I going to do? I guess I'm going to try and chop this motherfucker's head off. Okay. You turn facing a train of gorming, motherfucker. Okay, we're not going to... We won't add it in, but would four extra damage have killed the damn thing? Yeah, actually we won't add it. Shit! Because that's how much damage damage would have been. Probably. You did just get hit. I mean, that would probably piss me the fuck off. Somebody smacks you and not put it on. What do you want to do?

[01:27:12] Well, it goes, Me, my uncle, and dad literally just had a conversation about if people tried to park their road working equipment on property, I would two foot drop kick them in the fucking chest. So... Rage is probably applicable. Okay. Advantage on strength, I'd say, plus two damage on attack. And if you go reckless attack, which you can do... Advantage on attacks. Yeah. But it also gets advantage on attacks against you. Well, I mean, it's all reckless attack because I mean...

[01:27:43] He's already on fire. So, rage reckless attack. Yeah, okay. Well, four games took my point here. You rolled a one, right? Yes, but I haven't... You're a half-flake, right? But does that work when I have an advantage? Yeah. Honest question. Yeah. Rules as written. Whenever you roll a one... Well, 14 is still better than two ones.

[01:28:13] By the way, fun fact. Rolling two ones in a row is a 1 in 400 chance. I just pulled that off. Nice. So that is an attack roll of 14 plus 22. To just hit it? Yeah. Yeah, you double hit it. Okay. So that's a d8 plus 5 plus... So that is 12 damage plus 5 fire damage. Okay. For a 12 of 19. Did you add your plus 2? Or plus... So 6 plus 5 plus 2.

[01:28:44] Do math. 14. Yeah. 14 plus 5 fire. So 19 to... So the 5 is not included with the... The 14 is axe damage. Yeah. 14 slash 5 fire. 14 slash 5 fire. In case he's resistant to fire or whatever. I gotcha, yeah. In order to differentiate in case. Okay. He didn't like it. He didn't cut... He didn't like cut his head off. But you get another shot. You get another shot. There's a nice gash in the side of him. I do have an extra attack.

[01:29:13] You do get another shot. You do get another shot. Yes, he does. Yes, he does. 10. It's with advantage. Oh, it is with advantage. Everything's with advantage. It's still a 10. Somehow I rolled two twos. That is not gonna be a two twos. I rolled two twos. After rolling two ones. Two ones. Two twos. Two 1 in 300 rolls. Two 1 in 400 rolls. Back to back. I can't explain it. Like it's a 100% increase, so... Well... The worst part is. It is.

[01:29:42] I guess the next question is, does a 12 hit? 12 does not hit. Okay. So I swing and I miss. Yeah. I get a little too into it and I just... 12 hits me. A 12 hit if you choose to let it. That'd be a bad day for both of us. Next up, Cabal. Yeah, that raptor. It just dies. We realized that my extra bonus damage should have killed it off, so...

[01:30:11] It had one HP on it. So basically you nuked it. Yeah. He gets the hits in. It did a death row and it maybe was a death row. Yeah. Yeah. That works. In that case... That was also why I gave you mage armor. So he... So it looks like he's t... The health druid is taming one of the raptors. Like there's a beat where I think about it... But then I turn to war... That's working well for right now. Let's leave that alone.

[01:30:39] They look about 40 feet away and there's a triceratops on fire fighting your other friend. Luckily I can do 40 feet, so... Boop! And... There we go. Perfect. Hacky hacky. Okay. We don't touch half health yet. Number one... Eighteen plus a whole shit ton. Yeah. Yeah. That's... Eighteen plus stuff. Yeah. Eighteen is sufficient enough. Okay. More than sufficient. More than sufficient.

[01:31:08] More than sufficient. Five plus four plus another four. Biggest thing about listening to the podcast is basically if you roll high enough, you just say when you rolled high, plus stuff. I'm sure it does. Yep. Um... Yeah, that... It's not dead, but it's not liking that. At all. He's now getting double teamed. Plus two! Yay! Getting double teamed again. Okay. Triple teamed. I mean you're back off. And goodnight everybody! That's a one.

[01:31:38] Uh, you have advantage, Zim Flanking. You're rolling out, yeah. Oh, yes. He's currently engaged with me. You are now going after the tentacles and I try to chop the fucker's head off. Yeah. Advantage... Uh, nine plus eight. Seventeen. That will do it. Yeah! There you go. Okay, so five plus two... Plus five... Plus three. So five, five, five. Sixteen. Fifteen? Fifteen? That's hard. You killed him. How do you do it?

[01:32:09] Ooh! His head's up by me. What weapon are you? Uh... Great sword. You just shoved that great sword so far up his ass. Nooo. To be fair, my comment starting this was I want to see how far up his ass I can shove this flaming axe. No. So to shove the sword up you would be taking exactly the kill I wanted from me. That's the reason your crew stole the buttholes. And you would be taking the kill from me in the way that I wanted the kill. That's the butthole. To be fair, the butthole is the only way to do this.

[01:32:38] I have trapped you in this, Kevin. The taint! I have trapped you in it. There's no way to win this without doing it. It's heads by me. You can't take the head. Hit him in the crotch. I thought you were at the ass end was the thing. I was. I was, and then it turned away from merit to me. You're right. Fuck. You have its ass. I have its head. The only way is the butthole.

[01:33:02] Basically I hit where there's already been a lot of inappropriate damage and like... Get it in there. That is where the opening is. I meant the sliced opening, not the pre-existing. And then I guess just got him up the side so it just all like... Spills out. Spills out. Everything's spilling everywhere. You turned him into a taunt on. Pretty much. You thought it smelled bad on the outside. None of us were cold though. We didn't need this.

[01:33:32] It's a jungle environment. It's a jungle environment. This was unnecessary. I mean... Yeah, no, he does. He's gone. He just like... He grew like... And then just drops. Right. Now does that have any effect on the raptor that's currently being tamed? The fact that it's two buddies just fucking died in front of it. Oh, and I shake my sword to get the blood and the fire off. You know, you gotta burn it to be sure. It's... Nute the site. Yeah, you nute the site for a morbid.

[01:34:01] I will say, actually, as you're like... How to train your dino. How to train your dino? The dino claw. The dino claw. Dino claw. How to train your dino necus. You're just like... It lifts its head up a little bit. You're like sniffing the blood. And then like... It looks to you just like... Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, Cass, speak with animals. Okay. From my staff. And no, Frank. You belong to us now.

[01:34:32] But... But... First. Wait for turn. And we go first. Wait. I guess that is how you establish dominance. I mean... It's one fucking way to do it. You start the bottom of the totem pole, you earn your way up. Just like the rest of us. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. This whole side mission thing is just so he can bring a dinosaur back to his... This...

[01:35:01] To your main... Unimportant. And then your regular character can take it. And then you just... I was just gonna... I was just gonna say I'll buy it off him later. You're talking about the regular character as a griffin. Yeah. I was just gonna say I'm just gonna buy it off him later because I ride them anyways. You need to orient the saddle. It's literally waiting back in town for me. I just left it because I didn't have a dino to fucking put it on. Yeah, I'm just saying this is loading up a second copy of Pokemon just so you can trade it to your main game. Absolutely, this is exactly what it is. Yeah.

[01:35:31] Post. Alright, so... Yeah, that encounter has concluded. If you guys want to do anything with the left, like the other one... Just kinda fucked up. Is there any supplies I can salvage from the Triceratops? I'm not doing that. Oh, okay. There's meats and stuff. Yeah, I'm rolling a survival right now. It'll just take a couple of minutes. You ran off though, right? Like did you... You didn't run off all the way, right? All the way? Just 50 feet. Depending on his roll. Is there any way?

[01:36:00] I can take the Triceratops shield card of its fucking head to try and make a new shield out of. Do you have any problem with that? That's what I said. Depending on this roll. Is there a way I can do it? Are you gonna give me advantage by helping out with the... Absolutely. Okay. I will absolutely help you if it helps me get what I want. As for Merit, so running away like... Good as bad care and then you're like... HA! Absolutely. Can I have this so I'll help you? I need to like... I'm like... What do you need? Here's my axe. What do you need me to chop? Let's go. I'll cut it as the wounds. I'll cut whatever you need me to do. Let's go.

[01:36:31] You just got a point and I'll chop. Um... So you're giving up your skillet shield in favor of a Triceratops one? To be fair... You can all just pop of the skillet. I was gonna say, to be fair... Bull adds much better. Even if all it adds is the appearance and I keep the same stats, I'm still happy. Total of 20. Yeah, it's a cosmetic skin. You just... It's a microtransaction. Everything has it now. Yeah. Even B&B. Give them five bucks. Oh, they were trying. They were damn well trying. You heard about that, right? What was that?

[01:36:59] You heard about how they were basically trying to institute microtransactions to this bullshit. No, I didn't. But it does not surprise me in the fuck. That's latest. Just remember, Hasbro sent Pinkertons after somebody for getting magic cards or anything. So I'm going to... No, uh... I'm going to give my... They're Nazis. They're Nazis. GW in comparison is not Nazi. It's alright. It's like... I have heard a couple of times in our recordings that we get a lot of crosstalk and a lot of crossfire. Absolutely. Yeah.

[01:37:29] But yeah, so he managed to carve out about 140 pounds of meat and pulled that armored crest off of the... I have a howard tank. And a hammer sack. I've got a tank holder. I was just saying, it's pretty much just a hundred feet. It's so happy. It's literally just for stuff to tame animals. It is the meat bag. Okay. So, with that, I'm going to give a five pound steak to the raptor.

[01:37:59] And I'm going to give you five pounds worth of steaks for cooking on your axe. Yes. So that we can all take a short rest. Yep. In the middle of this... I think one look at me... Stay in the middle of the street looking around. Also, as we're returning there... Sorry. Richard. You see a glint off in... Just near the... Where you ran off to. You see a glint just off the road into the jungle and you see that cylinder.

[01:38:29] That ice cream cylinder. He like kicked away. Oh, hey! You're in the ice cream cylinder. Yes, so you could retrieve that if you want. I shall retrieve it. And I shall investigate it. Okay. It has... Oh. As these guys are cooking up a mutant, I look around and grab one of the time-locked hot dogs up on the stands there and start nibbling on that instead. Because that seems less sketchy. It has a... You're a barbarian, man.

[01:38:59] You pull it... Nothing against animals! You open the lid and like some runes flash... Some blue runes flash off the side of the rim of the lid. And like... And it opens up and there's just this gorgeous strawberry ice cream inside the ice cream... Inside the lid. Oh, hell yeah. I take it back over to the boys and we split the ice cream. I thought he was about to say, gorgeous strawberry blonde and it's the girl inside. No. She's been just booted around the last...

[01:39:27] So, tentacles and triceratops meet... We got fucking surfing turf, boys! Oh, that's true. Yeah. So, based on the fact that I'm apparently eating ice cream and cooking steaks, do I get any health? Yeah, you can get any... We're taking a short rest, which is an hour. So, because we're taking a short rest, you can... You have five die 12 worth of hit dice... Hit points that you can replenish.

[01:39:55] Divide it up amongst however many short rests you want. Okay. So, if for example, you wanted to spend two, then you roll the die 12 twice... And then whatever I get I add. You add to your health, yeah. Current towards the maximum. Yeah. Cool. So, yeah, I think I'll... I will take this opportunity to use two of my head dice. Okay. I'm gonna try it down.

[01:40:28] Yeah, I'm down 21, so I will do it as well for two. And I didn't spend any spells either. Plus seven... Plus 12! Hey! Now it's like I only got attacked once. Oh, you're still short? That's cool, man. I have some of my healing split. Mm-hmm. Absolutely without question. Okay, so that's die four plus four.

[01:40:56] So plus six, plus 58. I'm at 60 out of 62, so I'm fine. How are you doing, wizard? I didn't get hit. No, I took it all for him. Yeah. I remember we were just like, the meatheads pop the... Well, no. Exactly what I planned to have happened. It worked. Which is... Is the tact... Is the tact going? Like, have the... Have the tent go in. Well, it was absolutely... As soon as I saw the big thing, we'll get the little... Basically, health-wise, little guy, I went, hmm, that's not great. Yep. I should intervene.

[01:41:26] Yeah, I have a lot less health than you, but I am just as hard to hit. And now you have a dinosaur print. And now you have albino. Yeah. So, after an hour or so, you guys get... Like, walk away from that. We mount the triceratops shield to his skillet. Yep. You're just giving head-scritches the whole time to your new buddy. Mm-hmm. I'm looking at a cross-eye. You're like... Can I have a cross-eye? Mm-hmm.

[01:41:53] Uh, and you guys press on to the, uh, uh, the tower where the flying ashes were on the map and such. The knot dragons. Yeah. So, the trees park to reveal a square clearing dominated by a wrought iron lattice tower. At the tower's base is a painted sign that reads, This way, to the sky lift. Come on up and start flying high.

[01:42:19] Just past the sign sits an elevator platform overgrown with tangled vines. Far overhead, dark shapes continue to circle in the sky. And a lot more quantity than you saw over at the, uh, over at the, um, or at the main center, uh, main center line. Yeah. Legalized green leaf is all about the flying high. Yeah, man. It works great for me. Sam may or may not be on the same date. Mm-hmm.

[01:42:47] Yeah, the, uh, the tower itself is about 90 feet tall. Um, and, uh, there is, yeah, there's just, um, it's just iron lattice work and, um, platform at the top. Okay. I guess, uh, at this point, Sam will just kind of look around at everybody and be like, climb? You can climb. Uh, there, like, there's a... Sure. There is also the elevator platform, but you can also climb. Okay.

[01:43:17] I'm going to, um, if, if we're gonna climb, then... Is there, is it an elevator? I feel like elevator is trapped. Well, you can have a look at the elevator. Mm-hmm. There's a, there's a elevator platform that you have to have a look at. But yeah, you can also climb. I'm going to investigate the elevator for safety and efficiency. Okay. He rolls OSHA.

[01:43:44] Uh, investigate, which is int, so plus 724. Okay. Um, it looks like a lot of the vine vegetation has, like, overgrown through, like, some of the, the murtons, so you're gonna have to, like, kind of cut at the vine, the vegetation so that they get the platform even, like, functioning. But the, um, some of the dragon shards that are in the, uh, the fuse box, effectively, are still, like, giving up energy. Can I do an investigation to see if I can use my flaming axe to burn away the vegetation

[01:44:13] without having to mess with the mechanics? Yeah. Uh, that's 14. So that was a 14 for, just to see if you can do it, or? Uh, just to see if I can use the fire without damaging the elevator. Gotcha, yeah. Um, yeah, you look at it, it's like, you probably do, as long as the vegetation's not, like, that, like, nothing, like, mutating or anything, that it's defensive against fire, you should

[01:44:41] be able to burn away, um, the, uh, burn away, like, control burn it. Okay. Um, it just will probably take a little bit longer than just cutting through it. Alright. But it would be potentially safer. Alright, so I guess at that point, Sandwich kinda look around and be like, burn or cut? You will make less noise by burning. Burn. Burn it all away. Well, as long as the group agrees, then I just, I'll take the time to try and burn it, that way we keep the noise down and try not to get dove on by pterodactyls. Yeah.

[01:45:10] Okay, um, yeah, uh, it takes about anywhere between 10 and 15 minutes. Um, and, uh, some smoke rises, but it's not, like, enough of it, not terrible of it. Mm-hmm. Um, and, uh, yeah, you manage to burn away or rip, or some of the, uh, the, the vines that are keeping the mechanics of the gears all, like, in place and stuff. Alright. So I guess, uh, I just, uh, Sam would look at the group and be like, get thorn and press the highest number he can see. Okay.

[01:45:39] Yeah, but you're a barbarian, so you tried the third one. I said the highest number I could see. I didn't say the highest number I could understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, so you, uh, oh, uh, um... I'm fine with even rolling to see what number I did. He's a barbarian. Numbers are hard. So are letters. Is that a stone chugging here? Yeah, okay.

[01:46:06] Um, so yeah, yeah, the, uh, elevator, uh, you gotta all get on the elevator? I suppose so. Yep. Uh, you... Does your little buddy come with? Hmm? Is there room? Is there space for him? Uh, it is, uh, 30 foot, um... I don't know, hang on. It is a... Yeah, the, the elevator itself is about, is a 30 foot, um, platform. Oh, okay. Then yeah, there's tons of space for him, so he'll come along. Yeah, I'm looking at it side-eyed still, hand on sword.

[01:46:36] He's just like... Oh, Sam just straight up doesn't care. If, if somebody else brought it on board, it must be fine. Yeah. I'll, uh, I'll say to him in, uh, in... Raptor-ese. Raptor-ese, whatever, whatever the... Because it's good animals. Um, that, uh, this one seems okay. You could let him ride. I wouldn't trust him too much. I speak draconic, do I understand? Sorry, what was that? I was doing like his voice, like he's...

[01:47:05] You're talking, you're doing animal speech? Yeah. It basically just says like, very well. Um, it just gives you the side, I was like... He's human. I'm all back at it. He's like, what? And then the elevator's just moving, he's like... I'm, I'm rolling but I'm not moving. I'm, what? What? It's like a dog, like, all going up in the elevator that you don't understand. Yep. I'm moving but I'm not moving. Whoa. Cross-eyed.

[01:47:33] As you guys are ascending, rolling perceptions. Three. Fifteen. Okay. Do you want to be knocked off the thing while we're climbing it or do we all just want to get dropped out and taken out all at once? I do. I do? Okay. Oof. Ooooo.

[01:48:04] Roll the one. Yeah, you're, you're, you're trying to keep your raptor, uh, raptor buddy from, uh, panicking too much. Um, actually Sam's, you see, um, uh, some of those dark forms get a little bit closer and you see these massive flying creatures. Um, like they are bigger than, they're, they're bigger than any bird thing you've ever seen. Um, they've got like an immense wingspan, giant long, like, bill, um, and, um, yeah,

[01:48:32] you've heard stories, you've heard legends of, um, uh, the creatures from the Talenta Plains that, in the Talenta Plains skies that they are, they, uh, they compare with the Quetzals of, of myth. Okay. So basically you're, you're, you're what you, they, in fact they get their name from the Quetzals. It's a Quetzal, um. The Quetzal Quattle? It's the, the dinosaur, the flying dinosaur, the giant pterodactyl, pterodactyl, pterodactyl, pterodactyl, pterodactyl, pterodactyl, pterodactyl, pterodactyl. Yeah. All right.

[01:49:01] Um, and yeah, it, it, it moves by, like, looks at you guys, like, clearly, like, do I want to tangle with this? And then it just ducks back into the, uh, into the gray. Um. So Sam would just, at that point he would just kind of pull his axe and get a little bit closer to the raptor and just be like, I'm gonna stay with you. Yeah. I'm distracted by the stupid raptor so I ain't missed it completely. Um, I believe, uh, Richard probably also saw that.

[01:49:26] But did, is he, you guys get the feeling that, like, if you've been climbing, like, if you were out in the open climbing, you weren't in this, you weren't in this elevator, uh, platform, it might have taken a bite. It would've been worse day. But, like, it's like, hmm, that enclosure, nah, I'm good. Not bueno. Wait till they're on the roof. Uh, and then you're on the top platform.

[01:49:50] Uh, so, um, you reach it, um, and there is a non, and look, you see the, um, there's a gondola, um, up here on, like, next to the platform on the other side from the elevator. With a pterodactyl, like a massive pterodactyl holding onto it and flying and just keeping it, like, hovering next to the platform. And it turns its head and looks to you guys and just kind of squawks a tinny squawk.

[01:50:18] And then, kind of looks forward again. Um, so, it seems like it's just waiting for you guys to board the gondola. How often do you get to take a pterodactyl gondola? How often do you get dropped by a pterodactyl? Yeah, at once. Correct! At this point, Sam's just kind of looking at the group and not the, uh, raptor with us waiting to see what everybody else wants to do because, eww, this dinosaur is cool, but I don't know about that one.

[01:50:48] Hey, hello-zee. Into the gondola. We're really more shari. Let's go. Uh, you do a perch in the gondola and, like, the doors open, like, automatically. Um, and you do see the body of a male halfling in the gondola. Um, perfectly preserved, like, as if he died that day. Um, but he appears to have a, um, uh, a Dino World, um, uniform on.

[01:51:16] Um, and, uh, yeah. And he's got, like, a little, uh, like, keycard on, like, a necklace. So, noticing this is a halfling, can I search and see if there's anything else besides the keycard? Yeah. Like, uh... Probably an investigator perception. Bite marks, stab him out, neck twisted off. How is he dead? Heart attack, maybe? Like... There's no obvious, uh... No, no, no. 15. 15?

[01:51:46] Um, yeah, you find 10 gold. Beauty. And, uh, you see a photo of, um, of a nice-looking, um, female halfling in his, uh, in his, uh, like, just under, uh, in his honest person. I will pocket the card, the photo, and the gold. Mm-hmm. With the intention of maybe eventually figuring out who it is, so at least let her know that he's not coming back.

[01:52:16] Fair enough. Uh, other than that, yeah, he's also, he's just, like, looking, like, staring at him, like, uh, and, like, just staring at him, like, beyond the gondola. Like, like, I nudge him, like, the side of his cheek with my boots. He's cold, but fresh. Mm-hmm. Fuck, that's weird. Yeah. Warner Lens is fucked up. Not true. I'm loving it. It's fucked up. Like, if you try to close the eyes, they go back.

[01:52:47] That's unsettling. Yeah. But yeah, you guys all get onto the, uh, onto the platform, or onto the gondola, I assume. I kick him out. Really? Okay. Do you drop him, like, up over the... Well, no, just back onto the platform, rather than... Start and kick off the side, straight down to the ground. See, you should be back up to the platform, but, like, down to the platform. Uh, and the doors then close automatically. I look at you guys in a point-ethically and weight-limit sign above the, uh, door.

[01:53:16] Yes, because that athlete was gonna overdo it. Not the... I was gonna say, not the dinosaur. Never mind the dinosaur, the athlete. Everybody's gonna help! Um, yeah, the, uh, the, uh, the... Yeah, the, after the doors close, uh, the gondola begins moving as the pterodactyl starts flying you guys over the, uh... We have no idea where this is going, do we? Over the, uh, over the, uh, park. Um, you see, like, again, basically a full view of the park. Uh, you guys can roll your perception check. Thanks.

[01:53:43] Yeah, it's a theme song, plays in the background, which we cannot, which we cannot play due to DCM, uh, rights. It's, like, 10 seconds. I see the back of the dinosaur with a three. Yeah. I'm just seeing if I can sit on this thing without a saddle. 13? 18! Okay. Total 20. Okay, so, everybody, but... I'm just wasting my time to see if I can put a saddle in this thing. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah, you're looking down, um, this is... This is...

[01:54:13] I'm growing you a saddle. I'm using Druidcraft to grow lines and, like, start weaving them together. Because we got a gondola trip, so I might as well. It takes about 10 minutes, the whole, like, the whole trip. Um, but yeah, basically... We're loading, uh, elevator from, uh, uh, Mass Effect. Yeah. Uh, yeah, so you see, like, yeah, this, where the gondola platform, you go down this way, there's just jungle all around here. Um, you, it's, like, really tall trees, so, like, it does keep a few, probably about 10

[01:54:42] or 20 feet above the canopy of the bigger jungle, of the taller jungle. Okay. Um, you guys think you see some things moving, some big things moving in and among the gaps of the canopy, but you don't really see anything. Um, or you don't really, like, hear or see anything. Um, eventually there's a clearing that you can see that's, like, uh, like some kind of a maintenance hut in the middle of that jungle. Um... That one? Yeah. Uh, you're passing by the main mountain, the mountain that's in the middle of this, this park, which is all clearly a fake mountain.

[01:55:10] Um, it's made to look like a volcano and there's multiple tunnels of caves that kind of go in from the base. Uh, from the, from the top, you see that it's actually capped on the top, but it does, like, have, like, a kind of a maintenance crater. Okay. Um, I turned to the others as a, if she's here, she'll see us. Uh, and then you see, um, as you get further down along this line, uh, there is a stadium with a algae-ridden pool, uh, in the center.

[01:55:39] Um, and then it goes past the center, central plaza. Uh, and... Who got the highest? I think it was... You? Yes, but... I think it was a big one. So, um... I had 18. Yeah, sorry. Then, uh, you actually see, um, what looks like somebody, for a moment, is, like, peeking out the door of the central plaza's, uh, visitor center, and immediately closes the door. Hmm. Almost like we could have avoided this.

[01:56:09] Uh, but then, and then it takes you all the way back to the main platform, um, and, uh, the door's open at the, uh, the... So it literally just did a round trip. Yep! 10 minutes, you guys were just like... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, as soon as that door opens, I'm back out, because I still don't trust the stardactyl. I'm right behind ya. Yeah, it looks down at you guys and squawks again. And it's that tinny squawk.

[01:56:39] Um... Is it obviously, like, robotic, or it looks pretty authentic? It looks really, it's really good. Like, it looks really good for, uh, for, uh, like... You know what war horses are, right? Mm-hmm. Like, they look like mechanic creatures. Yeah. These do not look like mechanic creatures, except for that voice. Mm-hmm. That's the only thing giving it away. And the fact that it's stationary. Yeah. It takes wings to, like, stay in the float, but it's really, like, well, like, done. Mm-hmm. Um... Or, as soon as the occasional spark that comes out of the joints. Yeah.

[01:57:10] Um, and then, yeah, you guys are gonna take the ladder back down, or, not the ladder, the elevator back down. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. I mean, we've kinda seen what we can see. I mean, there's nothing else up here to investigate, so... Yep. Yep. You descend down, and, uh, a second later, uh, everybody roll a dex safes. Yeah! Yeah! Unfortunately, this is the Tower of Terror. Oh, crap. Well... That could've gone much better. Nine.

[01:57:41] Six! Roll for the raptor. Oh, yeah! I'm just kidding, you did two. Alright, thirteen. That was better than me. Apparently a raptor's more dexterous than a... That's the area. It wasn't the elevator. The elevator did, like, jostle a little bit when he got down, but eventually it came down. As you guys get out to the main clearing, uh, at the base of the tower, you guys hear a couple of them as... The drop of Warforged!

[01:58:08] A couple of, like, junk Warforged just start dropping from the sky, as that cloud of dark shapes is just kind of hovering overhead and circling and dropping remains of Warforged just down. Uh, so, you got hit. Absolutely. That's it. And you got hit, the ball. What did you roll there, uh, Richard? Ten. Ten? You got hit. What did, uh... Fifteen. Fifteen? Didn't get hit. Um, so... That's...

[01:58:37] Yeah, it'd be like one that hit, like, right in between us and we all get hit by the same debris. Jesus. Uh, thirteen damage. Jesus. Holy... Yeah. As you guys just, like, literally just pieces of metal, like, large chunks of metal falling down on you guys. Well, those hit dice made it so that was two damage. That's good. Um... But yeah, you eventually seek cover and, like, the Vought parts start falling.

[01:59:08] And Sam just yells to the group, this is what's going to happen. This is why I hike. Um... And, uh... You guys wanna press on then? No. As long as there's not more stuff raining, I mean... No, you guys, like, stay under things to, like, get moving and, like, eventually it does, like, they don't... they stop throwing them down. Um... Stop blowing holes in my shit. Um... Baby, you can get back from the, uh, down that road, uh, that you guys went through.

[01:59:38] You see where you had your... You can get back to the main... You can get back to the central plaza. Um... So where do you wanna go from there? I just march straight towards the, um, door I saw open. Okay, so the visitor center. I see the other barbarian walking that way. I go with him, because he must have seen something. Uh, yeah, this, uh... Uh, you go over to the door. Um... It's not too hard to open up, like, uh, the human, like... Looks like...

[02:00:06] The guy, or the person, you're not even really kept seeing who it was, or what it was, but you saw somebody look out and quickly do you back in. Um... It takes a couple of, like, which is... Or, yeah, how are you, like... Yeah, um... Actually, I'm just gonna bang on the door, like... Uh... Rescue Team! Yeah, you know that you're looking for, um... Uh, what is her name? Um... Raleen. Bang, bang!

[02:00:36] Raleen! Rescue Team! Only, you know, growl here. Non-threatening at all. Raleen! Where the... Where is she? It's still less threatening than a Russian thing, so... Um... You, uh, hear some commotion inside, um... But, um... The door doesn't open. All right, but nobody comes to the door.

[02:01:05] You're gonna have to rescue them the hard way. You being rescued, please do not resist. Yeah, exactly. Because they ain't her, they know where she is, and ergo... You'd have checked with. So, uh, smash time. Okay, well... Actually, I turn to you. Smash. Smash. Okay, you don't have to roll. You just... That door just... Is your bitch. Like, it wasn't even... You realize, it wasn't even locked.

[02:01:34] Somebody wants! Door falls off and just... There's not even a latch on the doorknob. And right next to your face, uh, like, right next to the... Like, the wall next to your face, an arrow, like, impacts. Oh! And it's like, not a step closer! God damn it! Okay. Like, just in... Um, it's a pretty large hall. Uh, it's dimly lit by a skylight.

[02:02:01] Um, and, uh, there's an impressive statue of a four-legged dinosaur. Uh, like an ankylosaur. Mm-hmm. Um, in the center of the hall. And, yeah, the voice is basically, Don't... Don't take another step or I'll shoot! Again! Tell me quickly! Who are you? And what the hell are you doing here?! Uh, Sam will just casually put his hands up and just go, We are here for a rescue. Did Betonis send you? Yes. Okay.

[02:02:31] I look over her and I'm like, Well, why didn't you say so?! Yeah. Sam doesn't remember his name, he just knows he's here to rescue her, isn't it? Uh, yeah, so... Then I'm like, girl! Here to rescue a girl. Girl. Makes sense. Guy! Bah. So, uh, Toblin from behind him... I don't think it's some chintzy face. Hobbling from behind the ankylosaur statue, uh, is this, uh, hog goblin, um, character.

[02:03:01] Uh, she's basically using her bow partially as a, as a crutch. Or no, she's not a crutch, but she's also using her bow, like... Like a walking sticker. Like a walking sticker. She did just strike you with that bow, that, that shot. Uh, or go wide. Um, and, uh, yeah, she does appear to be very injured. Um, and, uh, she's like, Okay, so you're here to get me out of here? Yeah. Okay. Uh, just one thing.

[02:03:30] Always one thing. Tony said to clear out any non-attraction hostiles from the park. Okay. We've got one non- we've got one hostile in the park that is not from this park. Okay. It's, uh, some kind of, some crazy warforged named Nedry has, um, has... I, I, I was doing my... Yeah. It's the scenario. Yeah.

[02:04:03] Um... Continue, but, uh... Um, um, uh, he, I don't know how long he's been here, but he's... Um, I recognize the name. I recognized, I recognized him. I found him. He's a house candidate researcher. Uh, worked on, he worked in the research and development of warforge technology. Um, he's found himself here, and he's been tinkering with some of the, some of the bigger, uh, attractions. Uh, especially in, uh, up in the, near the jungle zone.

[02:04:33] Um, he's, I think he's, like, locked himself in the, uh, in the maintenance head out there. Um, but Tony just wanted me to clear out that, uh, clear out of him, uh, or anybody that's not supposed to be in the park. We're not originally from the park. Um, before, uh, before I left. So, you guys helping out there? Before we head out? Uh, hold on. What was our contract? The contract was to recover, recover her, or any of the information.

[02:05:03] If she died, if she was dead, recover the data she was here surveying and such. I believe our mission is accomplished. Um, uh, almost. We've got her. We've got her. We've got her information. Let's get back to the cart and get the fuck out of here. Well, it depends. How much is she gonna pay us to help out? Mmm. We both point exactly through it. Alright. We're... It's important.

[02:05:34] As we wait, I would like to point out, we have a robot called Nedry in a Jurassic Park. To the audience at home, look up the Transformers Jurassic Park crossover. Wow. Which has Nedry from Jurassic Park turning into the Jeep he was in when he got eaten. That's fantastic.

[02:06:00] And it comes with a, um, the Spittysaurus that turns into a Transformer as well. Persuasion? Yeah. Total of 20. Alright, fine. I can give you this 500 gold. Each? No. I mean, she's probably a broke ass. Like, she was hired to come here so it makes sense. You don't come in here if you got money.

[02:06:28] You send people here if you have money. What if you just don't... What if you just have them? They're doing weird sketchy shit saying shouldn't be here in the first place. I'm a druid, I don't really need money. I grow my own food. Or I eat triceratops. I'm a wizard. I still don't need money that badly.

[02:06:54] Of course, whenever he says triceratops, I'm just hearing air quotes in my head. It's obviously triceratopolis. Triceratops. She's got a nice rack. She can be topless whenever she wants. That's how she's coming to the barbecue next weekend. Yeah, with her kids. Absolutely. No child has ever seen a titty and she had a moral epileptic seizure.

[02:07:26] He's not wrong. I may not agree with him, but he's not wrong. So back to our regularly scheduled program. So, yeah. 500? Will that cover it? Sure. Yes. On one condition. Is there a table nearby? Yes, right there. Sweep everything off the table and throw it a map. Have you heard of a shot? Yes.

[02:07:55] She's not from a shot. I covered this earlier. Still yes. I'm aware. It's a fantastic little place. It's definitely in need of some good researchers and hard workers. You seem like you're ballsy enough to come out into the Mournlands on your own. So the town could probably use somebody of your skill. And it's a growing, booming little town there. Wait, I thought this gimmick was from your other character. All your characters are the same?

[02:08:25] Yes. While he's making a big show of that, Sam would basically just go over to Richard and be like, if he needs her to kill him, why don't we kill him, bring her and take more money? That's not wrong. What is it? So she was sent to kill this guy. Yeah. Well, she was sent to survey this park and kill any non-park attraction costs.

[02:08:54] So what Sam's suggesting is at this point, we were sent to save her. But she was sent to kill stuff. We can kill stuff. Why don't we kill stuff, bring her back and leverage that for more money? Because we will now have her. And we killed her. We killed the things and save her. Yeah. Give us the money for killing the thing and you get her back. Yeah. Because we did both missions. At that point, I think, is kidnapping. But it doesn't really matter because Petonia is essentially... To be fair, we're both barbarians. What does that matter to us?

[02:09:23] You raise a good point. My other character stole a whole bunch of magic items off of him really early in the campaign. And look where that got her. This is also a one-shot. If I die, I die. I'm playing this like a Russian would play. I have an opportunity to make more money by literally killing things I'm here to kill anyways. So there's worse ways to do this. You are a Russian, you're going to play roulette. I'm also carrying a flaming axe. If I can set things on fire, I mean, I'm sure I'd have killed something. Wait.

[02:09:54] Warforge? They keep dropping Warforge. Why haven't they got him yet? He knows how to tinker with the bots. Oh, he's dropping! I don't know about that. I mean, I know there's a bunch of... There were some old, like, the dead or inactive Warforges all around. Occasionally some of the flying ones come down and pick up. But, um... Yeah, I don't know why they haven't gone after him. Hmm.

[02:10:25] From what I know, Nedry is a master at tinkering with the Warforge technology. So, he's tinkered with the attractions. He's currently locked in the maintenance ship there. Um, you need a key card to get into it. Hmm? Which I grabbed off of. So, I'm just like, oh, yeah. Oh! Perfect!

[02:10:52] Yeah, well, we know where he is. And you have access to that area, so yeah. He's good. Yeah, this is when you, like, search the area, then you talk to the quest giver, and then unlock a lock. I know exactly where that is! I can just fast travel there, it's fine! One thing I love about Fallout 4, I just adventure all over the place. And then I do the quest, because I can fast travel everywhere, it doesn't matter.

[02:11:18] Sure, I spent seven hours traveling all over the place to do what I could have done in like, four hours of gameplay. But now I can fast travel! Exactly! Honestly, my only, there are two things that I find disappointing about the Fallout series. Hmm. One is the travel mechanic. Because everything in that world runs on a portable nuclear reactor. You know this, because when you shoot a car enough, they all blow up, even the dead old rusted ones.

[02:11:47] And there are motorcycles. Hmm? Why don't those work anymore? It's a narrative dissonance. The game mechanics, like the game engine will not allow for vehicle play. What? That's, I was going to say that's the real world scenario, but the reason why they did it in the game, they flat out stated, was it is impossible to balance. Yeah. In Fallout, if you had that kind of mobility, it is impossible to balance. Oh, this is a slight tangent. There is actually a Fallout tabletop RPG. Yes, there is, I want to get it.

[02:12:15] And one of the first, one of the new adventures they finally released, like an actual adventure, like a campaign book for it. Okay. Which is pre-Fallout, it's prequel to Fallout 4. Okay. Like it's in the, and it's Lovecraftian as fuck, it's in it as well. Oh, beauty. And there's vehicles. Where were those vehicles involved? But then you just make it like a mid-game quest line that you have to go through in order to unlock the ability to use them.

[02:12:44] Don't get me wrong, I hear what you're saying. My only issue with that though, I also don't agree with that. My only issue with that is once you enable nuclear vehicles, what's stopping like places like Diamond City from having nuclear power? Uh, some towns have nuclear power. But what I mean is like, what's to stop them from scaling it like they've scaled everything else? That damages the setting that they're trying to go for, which is why officially they've stated, aside from the impossible to balance, how do you write a world where you can drive a vehicle but you can't operate a town? Or a city.

[02:13:14] I mean, the simplest method would be, these were manufactured cold fusion engines from before the war. So they still work fine. The way they explain it has nothing to do with that. But you want to go ahead and build a big one? Okay, you don't have the experts for it. It's simpler than that. You don't have the ability to manufacture it. It's simpler than that. Imagine a Tesla with a dead battery. Mm-hmm. Now imagine you charge that battery, but everything around the battery is rotted. It doesn't matter how much charge is in that battery.

[02:13:43] Everything around it can't conduct the charge. I hear what you're saying. I still just think it's... No, absolutely. I agree with you. What I'm saying is, in universe, they've explained that basically everything is rusted to the point where the electricity can't conduct. It's not that it doesn't make any more. That's why they blow up. It's just it can't conduct it in a usable fashion. Because they couldn't balance it. They were like, we can't make this work, so we have to find some bullshit way of making you believe that it just turned out. It can't work. All right, smarty pants. Then why the hell do we only have fucking nine songs on repeat? Because they're the only nine that survived?

[02:14:14] Fucking no. Dude, Bill Gates is in charge of 99% of the seeds. They're not surviving. You think records are going to survive? Yeah, because you used to have to go on missions for 3Dog to get them more records. Licensing issues. No, because all of the songs are over 50 years old. There is no copyright on any of them. That's true. Yeah. True. Maybe, but songs don't take up much space. Like, it's just a soundbite. It's just a music file.

[02:14:43] It requires all. And you don't even have to have any good quality. This is also with the assumption of using the technology that we have not following the nuclear route. Because even in Fallout, they mentioned they do have capacitors, but they are not used the way that we use them. Yeah. So their whole tree of technology went in an entirely different direction than ours went. Yes, but you used to collect records for 3Dog. Oh, I'm not saying you did. I'm not saying you did. All I'm saying is that with the transition between the companies that own all of the trademarks and all that kind of stuff,

[02:15:10] the companies that developed the games, they basically went, this works, this doesn't, how are we going to explain it? I will say, I believe this was... Yeah. It seems so off track. In Fallout 3, I could be wrong, but my understanding is there's a scene in Fallout 3 where there is a moving train inside a subway. And to do that, they literally just have a NPC with a train stuck on his head walking to mimic it. Ugly. That is absolutely true. I've seen the...

[02:15:41] Wow. Yeah, it's just a personal instinct and they're basically dragging it. Just railing. Wow. Yeah, I'm not even doing that. That's what they have to do to do it. Wow. This is what I mean. The limitations of the game is why they basically looked at shit that otherwise shouldn't have worked logically. We're getting terribly off track. This will be edited from the final cut. Yeah, I love the episode mostly. But one thing I do also want to bring out, the other big indiscrepancy with Fallout 3 and 4 specifically,

[02:16:10] is that they were not supposed to... They should not have been set so far away, far down the timeline. No, they shouldn't have. Because in Fallout 1 and 2, even by Fallout 2, the West Coast was flourishing. Yep. They had a post-apocalyptic, thrivable civilization with actual new buildings and stuff like that. To be fair though, you look at what a nuclear strike from Russia and China would look like, the East Coast is gone. The West Coast is mostly okay outside of California. Yeah.

[02:16:38] Like even you look at Canada, the vast majority of Canada is fine. It's Toronto and Ottawa that get hit. That's it. Yeah. The central population side. Well, 75% of our population is between Montreal and Windsor. Yeah. You hit those two places, you get rid of most of Canada. You can leave the rest of Canada alone. Yeah, but are you also targeting the rain to take and starve us out? Because I've seen maps where they do that. The vast majority of transportation comes out of Ontario. You take Ontario out of the equation, the food doesn't move. Hmm. It stays where it is.

[02:17:06] And while it does make sense, your automotive reasoning also doesn't make sense. Because power armor still works. Yes, the power armor is also maintained. The vehicle is left on the side of the road in the middle of the wasteland in the middle of fucking nowhere. It's not maintained. Tell me, nobody's gonna maintain their cherry ride? I'm not saying nobody is. I'm saying most people didn't survive. Especially not the Brotherhood of Steel. The Brotherhood of Douchebags. To be fair, most of the Brotherhood was hidden away during the actual strikes and came back out after. Yeah.

[02:17:36] All I'm saying is that they weren't there in the moment, and they have other things like the Prydwin to take care of instead of a car. Because flying is much easier than fucking driving it. The Mormons of Salt Lake City have sex we've ever had. What the fuck? As much of a soldier as I am, I'm a huge fucking nerd. The Mormons of Salt Lake City have jeeps and tanks underground. Yes. So they would all be fine. I'm not saying it makes sense. I'm saying this is what their excuse is.

[02:18:04] That's why we need a Fallout game set in Salt Lake City. I'm not a writer. I'm simply a guy that sits here and goes, most of the people in Colorado would be fucking fine. But I mean, I guess. Bandage head. What's his nuts? Sing? From one of the expansions of Fallout. With one of the new Vegas. No, you're not alone. I was like, uh. Now I feel bad. I'm a good guy. I know who you're talking about. I'm pretty sure. I'm lonely. I'm lonely.

[02:18:45] Yeah. Like I said, this is just from all the videos I've watched of like actual writers and the programmers, everything like this is the one thing we could not make work in a way that makes sense. So we figured instead of trying to bullshit him, we're just gonna make it so nobody gets to use it. Yeah. Let's finish this game first. Yes. I'm so glad we'll do it. Because I also have something that will bring it for you if I fall. Okay. So are we killing this dude and the dinosaurs and taking her back or are we just gonna take her back? Cue the Batman chain scene.

[02:19:14] Decepticon logo shows up. Doo doo doo doo doo doo. Okay. So I guess we're gonna kill a dinosaur. Well, man controlling the dinosaurs. And by man I mean robot man. I guess we're gonna kill a construct. Which I'm always down with. Yee. That's not a character this time around. Shut up. No, but he does have a barbarian with a flaming frying pan trying to protect him. I wrote this character. His wife is Warforged. Ah. Damn it. I'm really just shitting you. I didn't give him that much of a backstory.

[02:19:44] Hey, if he's allowed doing the same schtick with the flip the table, welcome to city. Welcome to a shop. Is it reality or not? We don't know. Yeah. Alright, so. Um, yeah, so you guys are gonna have- Yeah, I think we decided we're gonna go kill him and whatever else needs killing. Cool.

[02:20:12] I don't suppose any of you guys have a healing- I don't have like a health potion or something. My leg's broken. No. I have a herbal again. I got a healing split. I'll take it. Just takes it and- With smokes that? Okay. 4-9-4 plus 4. Okay. 4-9-4 plus 4. 4-4-4. I actually have one. I'm gonna go kill him. Stop. Cause I've got a couple of small healing splits and a couple of big ass healing blunts.

[02:20:42] Her leg suddenly just like- she takes it, she takes it, and her leg just like snaps back properly. I have a couple of those waiting for me in the trap. I'm not kidding. I have some good shit. I have that. I have that. That's why it's funny. It's Nebula from Guardians 3 where she's like- Yeah. Alright. Um, yeah.

[02:21:09] Uh, stay here or go help you guys or- You guys have- We get paid more if she's still alive? Yes. Stay here. Okay. I think she should come with us. Hmm? You're- you shoot arrows a lot, right? Yes. But I'm just good. Yeah. You just hang- you just hang back, shoot some arrows. It'll be good. Okay. Um, there's- Guard him. I point at the area.

[02:21:37] So like, I got attacked by some of the- the dinosaurs from- and he- she looks over to like, your rafters like- Like that. Is that thing kosher? He's good. He's cool. No. You're listening like it's fine. No. Don't trust it. It is not- It is not- Things like that I was attacked by. That's how I got like my injuries. Um, but I definitely heard something big, uh, when I was trying to get into that maintenance shit in the jungle zone.

[02:22:08] So, we gotta be careful. I pull out the map and I start pointing at like the big giant dinosaurs and I'm like, huh? Yeah. Maybe. Suddenly, as she looks at the map, she's like, yeah, something in that- that zone- that jungle zone. The whole north end of the park is jungle. No, I meant- Yeah, no- T-Rex. Long neck. I don't know, that jungle's a tick, but like, any one- any one of the- it could be an attraction, it could be a lot of creatures. Stage boss.

[02:22:36] I'm gonna tap him in the forehead with my staff while I cast, uh, pass without trace on all of us. Okay. Gives us a plus 10 on stealth checks. Call me. For like, an hour. Okay. Why didn't we start with that? Just gonna pull up our hands tripping over things. Why the hell did we start with that? Here's the thing, um, yeah, so you guys look at the map so you have to get to either, uh, yeah, well you can either take the east or west routes.

[02:23:06] Uh, the- what- looks like the, uh, uh, east route will take you to- no, sorry, the- west route will take you all the way, but just a clear shot to the- one of the- the gates to the jungle zone. The eastern end you have to cut through the, um, that stadium with that algae-covered pool. I vote west. Okay. We've already cleared out that, uh, random encounter, so we- Never eat, try to leave. Yeah, west is the way to go. Okay.

[02:23:36] That is the left most. You guys start trekking out that way. Uh, everyone roll perception tests. Yeah, we'll circle around the other way to clear out the map if we're still alive after we deal with the stage boss. Hate token. I'm not a very wise person. I like just hitting my head on things. It tends to work. Fifteen. Fifteen. Dreadle, dreadle, dreadle. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d.

[02:24:12] Twenty-six. Okay, so legalizing of all of you both here, uh, before that, before the others. Uh, cheerful whistling coming from nearby, uh, coming from nearby. And as, like, you guys are going- I hear happiness. Yes. You hear, like, you see this, this, uh, figure dressed in a lime green dinosaur suit skipping down the path, like, around the bend. Uh, it's a cartoonish mask completely covers the figure's face and it just looks like a

[02:24:39] giant, like, lime green dinosaur, uh, costume. Like- Skipping down, uh, uh, down the- Like one step down from the inflatable ones you see on the TikTok. It's like a, like a Walt Disney mascot. Like, Sam would immediately pull his axe not to turn it in. Oh, definitely. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he- It stops, like, oh! Hi friends. Can I interest you in a- Can I interest you in some treats? Shoot it. What? I say shoot it to the girl. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[02:25:09] Wanna shoot it? Sam just looks like the ball. Is it you go first this time? I'm the first last time. Uh, he pulls out these, like, a handful of, um, lollipops. It's like, oh, just the most delicious Just the most delicious lollipops in the whole wide world In fact, it's done We found a mascot with lollipops God damn it Me and Kevin don't trust it

[02:25:36] Kevin immediately wanted the NBC to shoot it I'm not against the idea I already sent the velociraptor around to the side for a clever girl moment Is there anything else I can help you with in the park? No We are good Be gone Why am I Russian now? I was going to say, Sam would be like You hear a big boom?

[02:26:06] Oh, that must be from the jungle zone We got tons of new exhibits down in there New? Yeah, new Exported How new? New Useful Also, yeah He does like twitch You see like some sparks of something And pop up Ah! I'm turning to Russian Because of you God damn it It's it's yeah I guess I'm Russian now It's easier than the Batman voice It's good

[02:26:37] Looking for a friend Nedry Nedry Oh, yes Nedry I believe he was He was in the jungle zone Tinkering away He's been tinkered See? You're so We take a fish, dude Yeah, basically No, I'm implying that this guy's been tinkered with Oh, I know That's why I say this much thought You're so Should we, uh

[02:27:06] Kill him? You're not the Russian Yeah Yeah Yeah I don't I don't Can I Big it? Oh Can I try and see If he's If he himself Or Is a threat Or if he could like Draw a threat towards us Um You don't have to roll for that Like He's making some Gesturing And being pretty loud Like They're Like if he's

[02:27:35] Too loud in this place Like you just Unintended attraction Unintended Attention Attention Yeah Yeah I guess at that point Sam would just look at the ball And be like Huh? Shoot him It's fine Fireball Fireball Fireball Fireball Fireball It's like Hang on Like Like Raleem just kind of like Walks Steps Take a step forward Just Fireball

[02:28:06] And um You get like Doesn't like Hit him directly In the chest Right Like He's in the shoulders Like And like Drops a couple Of the lifeblocks He was holding And just like Scampers off Into the wing Of the jungle Distraction And then you hear And a chomping sound And a horrible Like A few seconds A few moments later Your rafter Comes out of the jungle With the head Grab her on the head And tell her

[02:28:36] She's a clever girl The right of your feet Is a die I would Like to see If those Uh Lollipops Are actually beneficial Or some sort of danger Yeah You take a look at them Um You uh Do you have nature? Bleh I can't I can't do an investigation Or medicine Even Or Nature You are Trained in nature So

[02:29:06] Nature Five Three Four Nine Nine Okay Do with advantage Do with advantage Because I am also Trained in nature And I can Give him advantage That's a lot more Than nine Uh I'm trying to do math It's hard It's As they're licking As they're licking The damn things

[02:29:35] I look more disgusted Than when they were eating The not triceratops The serpent Yeah the serpent I'm just trying to say If this shit's poison Yeah you do You do a test And some of that It tastes really good Um And it effectively is Uh Has the same properties As a push for peeling Okay Nice Useful Yeah I would like to Gummy candies Shaped like dashes On little leg sticks I would like to eat one They're edibles Yeah Okay They are new edibles Okay so yeah Um

[02:30:05] My character will not be Ingesting one Until he's almost dead What's the uh Uh The rule for uh For if you've had A potion Like a light one Uh Cause there's different Yeah This one just says The same functions As a potion Of healing Okay so It's a back four Plus four So plus four Okay That's four Very cool Okay And I'm gonna Take the other one And just add it To my healing spliffs

[02:30:35] Hey man Here's some edibles I'm gonna I get it Disgusting Mostly just cause He doesn't trust The fucking uh Robo dude That too Don't let your Personal prejudices Come into the game At least this time You're not just Two gnomes In a trench coat I will not be Disgusting that With the audience But yeah Uh you guys um Make it over to the uh The jungle dung gates Um

[02:31:05] After that Uh Wooden gates carved With depictions Of dinosaurs Stand open Before you Just beyond Them Is a cobblestone path Rather than Cement path You guys Or a concrete path That you guys have been on Uh That wind out Of sight Into a verdant jungle Even more so Than the jungle Coil that you've seen Around the park Uh Lipped razors Are attached On To an overhead sign That reads Jungle zone So Very much like

[02:31:35] The Jurassic Park doors I went to The It's good Jungle zone There's fire And it's open It's good It's fine So I think we should Stay off the path And sneak through the woods Okay Okay I'm good with that Alright We all get Plus 10 to sneak Yeah Roll still We get plus 10 to sneak Yeah Pass without trace So 7 14 21

[02:32:04] I'm not even going to do the rest of the math With Aaron's 25 Yeah Okay The rest of the math I don't think they're putting I don't know You're very sneaky Yeah And uh I am short So it makes sense Yeah You managed to Get all the way over To the To the clearing Where the maintenance hut is So It's a Camouflage platform 10 feet above The ground Supports A A Camouflage platform 10 feet above The ground Supports

[02:32:34] A square Unmarked building A short Iron ladder Leads up to the platform But there are no Visible doors Windows Or other ways To enter the building Okay So how big is the building? Um About that So I'd say it's probably About like The building itself Is probably about like 40-50 feet across Now fireball That's just Literally Exactly

[02:33:04] I would say It is Um It is not wood You're no It is metal And concrete Wait You said no door? There's clearly a door Right there Mary you did replenish Your That's That's That was basically Yes There's not Appearing to be a door On that You're saying This is not accurate? A barrel of power You can't trust Disney anymore In theory Could two barbarians Make a new door? Hmm

[02:33:34] Um Well actually You're approaching Or you guys have to Climb up to get to The actual Building itself Oh that's true It's a point It's a Okay I'll uh I'm gonna climb up there Okay That'd be a piece Of course As a squirrel As a squirrel Oh in that case Nevermind If you come up as a person I was gonna go with him As a bodyguard Because you want me to I'm gonna fucking Go up to fuck him over And as he gets Turned into a squirrel The giant Velociraptor That isn't following us Suddenly goes John

[02:34:05] You rush up And you climb up there And uh There's no Windows or doors Any way to get in Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm Magic Is there an overhang Where the wall Meets the roof Yes Okay Uh If I If I climb back down Take a look around there Is there a way up in Through that No Okay So then I'll climb All the way back down To the ground And I'll turn back Into a person And be like Okay So there's No way in From up there

[02:34:35] But I have another idea Fireball Fireball You can see if that'll work That's not my I have another backup idea Okay So I'm gonna fireball The nearest side of the building Okay I don't know if we have Enough latinas for that But okay So it takes 8d6 fire damage Okay Sorry Say that again For the audience Who are also a guest

[02:35:04] But what the horror I just heard So a fireball Is Everything within A 20 foot radius Must make Must make a dexterity save Or take 8d6 fire damage So I'm just gonna say That the So the concrete And the metal lattice Are fine The roof Is not made Of metal It's made of like Wood and like Sheep Perfect So the roof The roof Is on fire I was like to say

[02:35:34] We don't need no water Let that motherfucker burn Burn motherfucker You have a decanter Of endless water And it can actually Fire like a fire hose Oh So this is the Campaign scenario Where you have the Jetpack of infinite Bullshit I'm totally gonna try I'm gonna find inappropriate I lose it later Now that I know What it does So as you guys Are watching the The roof Catch fire And then collapse in And like We even like Ignite whatever

[02:36:04] Is inside I think you guys All the more Perception tests We either have Ruined his plan Or we played Right into his hand I can't tell which 8 10 Oh actually 11 17 Perception I'm actually Doing pretty well Noticing things For barbarian As we wait You're like dude I don't care We're finding it I just want to Look at that

[02:36:35] So you're Decanter has Three settings One is just You know Drinking water Wait a minute We were being stealthy And then we just Shut fireball Yeah Not we A single person True That we've not Determined who is Near and not near True Perception 17 The intelligence Says he goes in there Nuking Yeah So From what So Sam's

[02:37:04] And legalize You're the ones That hear it first Oh no Oh no Wait a minute Is it legalize As in a pun Off of Legolas Yes I like to think There's a moment Before we see it Where we just Look at each other And have a moment Oh no And you look Yeah there's a wall And like water Wiggles Yep 100% the Jurassic Park As a towering Tyrannosaurus rex Comes out of the jungle Unlike the other

[02:37:34] Dinosaurs Or the other Parked dinosaurs This rex Has large pieces Of skin Replaced with Steel plating And exposed Patches of wiring A high pitched Voice Yells from The concealed speakers My research You motherfuckers Are all gonna burn I look up And go Hey The stage boss Um You'll never Leave a park Alive Um And then like Um From some of the

[02:38:03] Shoulders Like Cannons come Oh fuck off So initiative As you're now Fighting Nedry In his mecha form I just like Think at this point Sam just kind of Looks over at Richard As he pulls out His axe And goes Oh fuck Also I will say It's like I will say also As this is all Going on And you're just Looking dumb Out of this Whole thing Um Uh Raleen Does like Has this Like Oh yeah I forgot to tell you guys He was

[02:38:33] His major Researching Projects Were Titans Critical Need to know Information This was sent To my My brother About an hour ago I mentioned What was going on It is a gift From dino riders Nice Accurate Yeah Alright So Initiatives 11 11 Okay Not final

[02:39:02] 20 Bon Alright Nice Initiative 19 I rolled a 5 My thing is a Blank So I'm assuming It's your Dex bonus Ah Which is Actually plus 1 So He was missing that So I guess 6 Nice Well believe it or not Um You're not the last person

[02:39:32] Uh Nid Dr. Nid Uh Flanders So Top of the round Uh Legalize What do you want to do Uh Leave Oh I guess Hang on I guess I also rolled for Um That's racist The raptor And the Leave Not leaf That is so racist I want to leave Only we get to use that Okay

[02:40:05] Actually it's It's actually uh Uh Raleen goes first Because she got an at 20 But she's like Uh yeah What do you want me to do Shoot it Shoot it Shoot it Shoot her Shoot Ha Sam just reaches out With his axe And lights the arrow on fire Ha ha ha ha ha ha Thank you That should be enough information To give you the basic idea Of what we need you to do Alright Um Hmm

[02:40:34] Light that bitch on fire That is usually the MO of most players But the motherfucking bird Yep I mean Given the opportunity It's usually useful Hey At the very least We've put a uh Carbange on uh Whatever the fuck he was up to So I mean Yeah World domination usually We've made it so Making more is at least harder Yep It may not be impossible We can hope Like he's pissed

[02:41:03] But He would have been anyway So DMing's almost If not always Harder than playing Oh yeah Yeah We're playing the video game He is the video game So Well that's what I mean Like from everything I've listened to And everything I've read DMing is way harder Eh Sometimes Depends Like I'd rather be GM Than being a player Honestly Really? Mostly because I feel Like for me it's more of a psychological thing Because like I actually find I have more confidence as a GM Ah fair enough

[02:41:33] I think there's like that level of control Where I'm aware of the situation Where it's like as a player I sometimes get like just Stuck And like not sure what I can do No that's fair I get that Especially if somebody new I get that Because I'm sitting here going And I kind of want to know If this is useful or not Because I mean you made a point of it So And then we spend 12 hours Investigating something That has nothing to do with nothing Exactly You made a point out of a fine detail That you thought was cool

[02:42:03] And I found way too interesting So you've now had to bullshit 20 minutes Of what the fuck I'm doing Yep Okay so she does a total of Like 11 damage Plus fire Yeah And it just kind of like It just impacts the thing And it's now Has some fire on it Yeah this tiny little arrow Just sticking out of it It just looks down

[02:42:33] Like Like Like Okay End It's like Yeah Yeah Yeah So Next up I lean over to The elephant And go We need more fire I'm trying to I'm trying to Shale the French Yeah So you're going to Have to run away

[02:43:03] It just died I've got So much fire You don't even know Okay So Legal What do you want to do You're so French And so fire You're the candlestick From Beauty and the Beast I'm going to Back up a bit I'm going to Raise my hands And a little Storm clown Is going to start Brewing over Yeah if you need To reset your brain Just think of him I'm going to shout And call down A bolt of lightning On its face

[02:43:32] Okay Seems useful Has metal on it Smells good 10, 12, 7 And 6 23 23 Oh no sorry It makes a reflex save Okay No 23 was the damage I just looked down At my sword No

[02:44:02] Look up at the lightning bolt It didn't succeed So it takes 23 damage Wait 23 lightning damage Oh I thought he meant Your attack didn't succeed I'm just like These not good Okay Next up Or do you have no sound Or is that it No that's it Okay Wait it's half robot And we just zapped it I was going to say We just made it powerful

[02:44:33] I'm going to I do have another thing I can do I'm going to cast Shillelagh Okay Which is It makes my stick Hit harder I was going to say For those of us That don't know What that means Oh Well I mean Fair enough You know what a shillelagh is I can assume But that doesn't mean I know the mechanic Okay well It just makes my stick Hit hardier Yeah Fair enough Like me taking A reckless attack Sure I have a better shot I'm making a hit But I'm probably Going to get a hit too Alright So I will cast

[02:45:02] The MILF's Miniteurs MILF's miniatures? The what? Tiny torpedoes So I summon Six little meteors And then I fire Two of them At the cunt In front of me He just takes Seven damage Is there the Roll an iron bet? No Just take it Just take my bitch

[02:45:32] Well it's not a hell of a lot of damage But he can also do it Every turn Until he's on the medium Hold on You must be a dixterity saving throw Okay How dexterous is a T-Rex With rockets on the shoulders? Hang down You can mess us I was going to say The first time I rolled one I was going to say I'm just kidding I'm trying to visualize it here How dexterous would a T-Rex be? It just lifts his leg And it misses How dexterous would a T-Rex be? Can I see the card for it? Now How dexterous would it be With pieces replaced with steel And rockets on the shoulders?

[02:46:02] Well definitely increase At that point I would say decrease Because it tips its balance You'd think the engineers Would compensate for that And add rockets to it That's a lot of assumptions For engineers And if you ask anybody In a term that's ever worked With an engineer They are never that smart Robot dinosaur I have no answers Literally every engineering drawing I've ever gotten Has never worked What is the dex DC saving throw? It's at the top of your page So it's a plus 7 No, no Oh, DC

[02:46:32] Oh, spell save DC 15 Okay So it doesn't miss its Definitely Yeah You said you've shot Two of the meteors at him? Yes Each one does 2-die 6 Oh my Never mind So it's 7 plus 5 So 13 Okay And I still have 3 more meteors As a bonus action 4 more meteors Yes 2 more volumes Yes Yes So it's what 2 and 2 and 2 each time?

[02:47:02] Okay Well I could fire 1 If I wanted to But why? But why? Can you multi-target though? I could I suppose I think so Look for the flashing point For massive damage And try to Try to hate the fucking pilot So next up is Seance So how far am I away from this guy? So this is probably about like 50 feet away Damn I can only move 35 You can charge

[02:47:32] You can charge And double that And double that Then I mean Yeah I may And you can back Out of combat After that Well I mean I may as well charge in And try and do something If I were Try and mean something I mean Try and smash with a flaming axe Of some sort A toddler sized person I am ankle height at you And I'm going to try And chop your foot off Admittedly that would be Really helpful I mean

[02:48:02] At very least It'll look down Instead of at you So Minor problem My brain keeps picturing You know Godzilla size But it's T-Rex size So it's like What? It's a very huge size beast So we're talking what? Two story or three story? Okay so A large size creature Is like 12 feet So a huge size creature Is maybe 20 Okay so Two story house Okay Two slashing Fire fire Yeah That was horrible That was literally

[02:48:31] The least damage I could do Oh wait No I can do two attacks Yes Yeah Plus the two damage From barbarian Oh sorry No Did you charge? I did charge Okay If you charge You only get the one attack Okay Because you used half Of your action Action Okay Then yes That is my You did rage I did not You did not You're going to want rage Yeah I realized that after

[02:49:01] I was like Oh that probably So just as like For a future and stuff When you're a barbarian Rage first First thing is the rage And then do everything else I like how politely Everybody says it In a critical role I would like to rage Yeah So that's your turn though? Yes Then next up is The raptor Your raptor Which would give it Advantage because I'm engaged

[02:49:31] I think so As long as it's coming From the other side Well it's a velociraptor So naturally It's a raptor So you can roll Roll the die for it Okay I'll just face the stats On you Okay She's going for A clever girl attack Just saying If I were to chop On his toes And set his foot on fire That's a little bit distracting I don't know if any of you Have stepped on fire before But it's That's a This is also true Because there was also Only seven days It is a mechanized T-Rex But just remember

[02:50:00] The thorn took out the lion So that's exactly What we're trying to do here Yeah but the infection Took about three months To kill it Pretty sure I can't last Surrounding three months Fighting a T-Rex You are a barbarian I mean The chance is there But do I want to take the risk And the answer to that Is always no So A D8 A D8 The risk that she was calculated But man So Me and Min Literally always Say each other that Anytime we take a risk On anything We're got used to How it turns out Seven and three

[02:50:30] Even if it turns out well We're like Because I'm so bad at math I don't know how that worked I don't know how that worked Okay and she gets two more shots Oh Jesus Okay She is a fast mother Actually you know what I'm going to save you the half What does she get to add to it? Two To her attack? Oh To her attack four Does a 12 hit? Nope Okay Then she doesn't hit With either of the other attacks Yep And she's going to Move away

[02:51:01] Okay. Next up is... Sorry, the raptor was a bust. Yeah. Kabal. She got an attack in. She did 12 damage. There's Kabal on me. He looks at his sword, looks at it, looks at his sword, looks at it, shrugs and rages. Then... Looks at Sam and goes, dumbass. And then goes to charging. Okay. Okay. I got 40 speed.

[02:51:31] Am I still out of range, though? So I'll have to charge. Yeah, you'll be charging instant. Oh, yeah. You'll have to charge. I will have to. Okay. So, yeah. Charge. So I only get the one attack. So... And roll. 16 plus 8 equals a bunch. That's an 8. E! In him. So... So 5 plus 2 plus 1 plus... 5.

[02:52:01] So what was that damage? 5, 2, 1, 5. 13. Okay. Hey, basic math. Alright. Alright, go for the Achilles. Yeah, you cut in... You guys are carving through its toes and you're carving through fake flesh and then into metal skeletons. Shit. Fire is less of you like that. Next up is...

[02:52:31] Hi. Hey, kitty. The... Dinosaurs turn. Ruh-roh. Yeah. Ruh-roh. And those cannons begin dispelling purple-green energy. Don't like that. As their eldritch cannons are unleashed. We're too close. They can't attack. He can step on us, but he can't shoot us. Yeah. It's using... It's still not great. I can still get stepped on.

[02:53:02] You're little. You're used to it. That's kind of the problem. I'm hoping I go between the toes. It does have two attacks. So... Yeah. It gets to me. So... One for each foot. Stop. Meteor Man. Uh-oh. Ah, fuck. Hey, you're the one who set his place on fire. I'm at range. He should have to close that distance, no? No. Not if he's using the rockets. The range is 300 feet. Oh, Jesus. It's a Tyrannosaurus.

[02:53:32] That's 20. Not that 20, but just a 20. To hit? Yeah. Okay. I need four D8s. Oh, Jesus. I got one. Okay, I've got... I think I've got two here. Good night, everybody. Oh, that's a 12. That's a 12. Oh, fuck it. Jesus. They were literally side-by-side. So that's going to be 6. I'm going to range you guys away from each other. That way we're around the problem.

[02:54:03] 12. And 17 damage. 17 force damage. He's back. And you are knocked prone from the Eldritch turret. And then it looks down at you guys. I love it.

[02:54:30] And it looks down at the Black Dragon. And it's just going to stop. Shit. Yeah, it's just going to stop. So how pissed is this guy going to be that guy's character killed? Oh, I mean, he's fine. I'm just a little guy. He can't see me. Oh, my God. Okay. I'm too short. Uh-oh. You could have just stepped in a thorn or something.

[02:54:58] Another, not that, but a 20. That... That will hit you? Yeah, because I'm also wearing armor for some silly reason, which apparently made me worse. But that would have only got me 20 normally, right? I think so. Yeah, it would have been the same as yours. That's mine's at, so... Sorry, how dead am I? 3d10 damage. Oh, dear. And I didn't suck on that lollipop earlier, so...

[02:55:28] Okay, so that is... I'm glad that I did. 9... 10... 17. 17. Another 17th inch. I am down to 30. I am bloody. What? Is that a thing in this version? No. No. But that is it. So, for that, for that, for the T-Rex. So, for Mary, may I impose?

[02:55:58] So, next up is Rowling. May I impose? No. You need one? Sure. Yeah, he's talking about. Unleashes a Baldy. Take it back. Take that one. Aim for the eyeballs. Put it in the PKs. Right on that. Now, hopefully we can just kill this T-Rex with them. Oh, don't worry.

[02:56:28] I've got 3d8 and 2d6 to hit him with next turn. I mean, as long as I roll better than two ones, I should be doing better as well. And she only got one hit with her volley of arrows. I'll do it in my d6. Oh, if I ask the breath, am I squishing or melting the halfling? Probably. As long as you're, like, well, is it a cone? I think it's a cone. It's a cone. So as long as he's not in the spot for us. Okay. I may do that.

[02:56:57] Maybe tell him to, like, back off a little bit. Yeah. I was going to say, I mean, depending on the perspective, if he's going for one foot and I'm going for the other foot, we're going to see in the same direction. Hold on. What size creature is it? It's huge. I was going to say. It's huge. So it's at least three squares. Your breath only goes three squares. Ah, perfect. So it will hit only the creature. Cool. Okay. I'm starting my head. Yeah, because you played Dragonborn before, so you would... Legalize would go next, but he's not.

[02:57:27] His player is not here. Give me one second. He's going to have a gun. He's going to literally just grab him there. You know if I get a glass of water, I'll say? From the fridge. Go for it. Get hydrated. This podcast brought to you by Farmer's Creed Longhorn Lager. Please sponsor us. This beer is excellent. Truly. So I posted a photo of it in the beer group and I was like, I got my hands on that.

[02:57:56] I have not been able to find it at least. Where? Wrong. Yeah. I've never been able to find it. That's why even... I was going to grab it when I got back. It's hard to find here. Really? Like only one in three beer stores has it in Barry. Fine. I have to go to Maple View to get this. I mean, to be fair, Maple View is the better beer store. Yeah. Maple View is the better LCVO, but Maple View is the better beer store. Okay. You need to go to Redline. Yes.

[02:58:25] And when you go up to the counter, tell them that you want a crowler of their brown. Already have. Okay. Aaron, you're a beer room. This podcast also wants you by Redline Brew House. Please sponsor us, for the love of God. Even if you're just paying us in beer. That's totally fine. We will take that. A 12-pack would be nice. So what does the last one do?

[02:58:55] Oh, it's my turn? Yeah. Excellent. Okay. Sorry. So this T-Rex. Yes. Is there a pilot in it? Well, you don't see one. He's inside there. Okay. So then this is for your information. If there's a pilot in there, when I call down lightning, he takes damage too. Because it's an AoE.

[02:59:24] It's an AoE and this thing is made of metal. Fair. And there's also visible patches of metal. Okay. No, I'm just putting it out there. But I'm going to... Thank you. Are you sure? Wow. Let there be light. Yeah. I was going to say, all of a sudden I can see everything again. Yeah. The light that is slowly getting dark is like, I think I can see this. He brings that light switches. But like a conductor, I'm going to...

[02:59:52] I've got my one hand up to my cloud and I'm going to raise my other one. And one of those steel plates on the T-Rex is going to start turning bright red. Okay. I'm using heat metal. Which also, if anything that is in contact with the metal takes said damage. Mm-hmm. Okay. So that's 2 die 8 fire damage. And I don't think it gets a save.

[03:00:24] Okay. So that's 15 fire damage. Okay. And I will close my fist and call down another bolt of lightning. 16 lightning damage. It gets to make a dex save for half though. Alright.

[03:00:54] No. Okay. So 16. Okay. So 15 and 16. Alright. I don't have to cast any more spells, but I've got to basically just do the same thing every turn now. Uh, so next up I believe is going to be Formage. Yes. Formage. Alright.

[03:01:22] This giant metallic cyborg T-Rex. This half-war forge-back T-Rex. I reach into his mind and I smite him with psychic damage. What's that, a mind spike? Yeah. Good spell. 7 plus 8. 15. 15. 15. 15 psychic damage. Okay. We're going to save to half. Let's see what Tenedri has.

[03:01:59] Yeah, that's not going to do it. Alright, so he takes 15 psychic damage. And then I fire meteors at him. Two of them. He takes 8. And another 9. Those things look pretty jank. And then I run away. Even further. We'll see. How far you go. Next up is going to be Sam's.

[03:02:29] So, Sam's already engaged with this guy, so he's just going to take his two attacks. Okay. Yeah. That's not great. That's 14. Okay. Wait. Is that a 6 or a 9? No, that's a 9. I read that upside down. Oh, math. 17. 17 hits. Okay, cool. So that is... 8. 8. 3 slashing damage, 5 fire damage. For the first... 24.

[03:02:59] 24 to hit? Yeah. 24 to hit for the second attack. What was the first damage? So the first damage was 3 slashing, 5 fire. 3 slashing, 5 fire. Okay. Yeah. 8. And the second attack is 2 slashing, 5 fire. Apparently I'm great at rolling 1s today. You really are. Now if only I could roll literally anything else. My d20 is rolling great. My 8 and my 6 on the other hand. 2 slashing? I have rolled double 1s. No, what is that?

[03:03:29] You actually... Plus 5. Yeah, but you told me the 5 was fire. Oh, no. The die 6 is fire. Oh! See, you told me the 5 was fire, so I thought the 5 was fire. Because you rolled a 5 that time. Oh. On the die 6. Because I actually said, yeah, the 5 is fire and then there's the D6 and the D8. I misunderstood. You should hit the fire because then it's like way... So what was the damage? What was the attack the second time? The roll to attack was a 24 total to hit. Yeah. And then my damage was 2 1s plus the 5.

[03:03:57] Apparently one of them was fire and then the 5 and the 1 was slashing. Okay. How do you want to do this? Pretty well. How do you manage this mechanical monster? I mean, I'm chopping at its ankle, so I guess the way I see it is I basically take its foot out from under it and then after it falls over I kind of just keep chopping. It takes the knee and... Or it takes the ankle. Dude, you have to remember how short I am. I can only take the foot. There's a reason why I specify.

[03:04:27] I'm at his foot hacking at it because it's all like reach. I was about to say, about to do the step on you, you stick it from underneath and it just like... And then it's just hopping on the one foot. It's more like you basically remove one of its central supports of standing up. And it's just like... Kabang.

[03:04:49] And there's a little bit of like purple, purple green energy explode as the cans are ruptured on either side of it. And basically just like it splits in half. The shit! Yeah! And the mouth is slightly agape, like in front of the people that were in front of it, like farther from it. And you guys can see like as its mouth is like agape, there is...

[03:05:15] Nedry is inside the mouth, like connected to it, like partially integrated into the inside of this thing's mouth. And it's like... It's like he's a warhorage. So he's like a mechanical man, partially like biomechanically integrated into the jaws of this creature. And then he's just like... Bastards. Fireball? Fireball!

[03:05:45] Fire just like... Fitting. Just the entire jaw. Burst in the flames. 8d6. So I was like, just smoke him. Yeah. Quite literally. Yeah. Yeah. It just ruptures. Actually, I will say there was another cannon part, like cannon mechanism that kind of just like falls off of the back of it. It never fired off. And you're looking at it, that looks like a pretty nice piece of tech.

[03:06:16] Ooh, guns. Actually, we've all met a guy who might be able to use that. We have. He needs some better backup. Does anybody have any kind of... I guess Arcana would be the one to roll for this, so no technology. I point out the thing. Magic. No magic. Sam just grunts and nods. So 4 plus 4, 8, 11. Okay. That's enough.

[03:06:46] You've heard some stories. You've heard some rumors about some of the prototype weapons that Sear and House Canth were supposedly used, that they were planning to use during the war. One of them kind of fits this thing's design and some of that. It's an incinerator beam. It basically emits a concentrated beam of light that can burst things into flames and disintegrate flesh.

[03:07:14] This sounds like it should be an under-barrel thing for your airship. No, no. I know exactly where this is going to go. It's on a war voyage. The Titan. Nice. Oh, Frankie. Yeah. No, no, no. No? It's on copper. Oh, I remember. Because he let it blow up, remember? No, he didn't. He took the... Oh, right. He took the shot to the face. He didn't want to lose his third arm, like the gun. Yeah.

[03:07:41] So rather than have it explode, even though it was a piece of junk, he let it strike, like puncher a bolt into his clathom. Oh, jeez. Ow. So where's he going to put this on the other shoulder? Oh, God. He's got a plasma caster and a metal bolt caster. Yeah. Fuck. Fuck yeah. Well, this thing's also huge. Jen's bounce. This thing is also like tight. This is a weapon for being installed on a Titan. Not a medium-sized weapon.

[03:08:11] Even still, we have a Titan. Fine. We'll put it on Frankie. That's fine, too. Yeah. You guys have a Titan. We salvaged a Warforged Titan. It has five to six recharge. When did we bring that? 150-foot line that is 10 feet wide. You have to roll a DC dexterity saving throw or take 6d10 rate. That is just a fuck everybody in this line.

[03:08:41] I am so glad that I ran to his feet immediately. A creature reduced to zero hit points by this beam disintegrates. Oh, shit. Leaving behind everything they were wearing and carrying. Wait. I am so glad I charged his feet immediately. How the fuck is it? It's a loot cannon. It's a loot cannon. It's a fuck you cannon is what it is. Hold up, hold up, hold up. Okay, so it leaves closed so it can't explain why everybody's fucking missing. Okay.

[03:09:12] It's just different tech. We're putting this on a belt around Frankie's waist so it can just be the dick cannon. I knew immediately where I was going. Good lord. Bam! I mean, to be fair, my favorite place to hang grenades was. Yeah. Fair. If they're going to be hanging anywhere, they're going to fall and kill me. You may as well be underneath me.

[03:09:39] Yeah, but with this fire starting, this scrap metal and slag kind of burning in front of you guys, Raleen is just like, huh? Well, thanks to you guys were here. That was a lot harder, but it was just like me. You're welcome. A little bit. So, um, I guess we can go back to the shot. Nah. Let's get the fuck out of here. I got all the stuff that you want me to set up here, so we're good. What a dinosaur.

[03:10:09] Let's get back to the cart and get the fuck out of here. All right. Start. I have a tracer top shield. You guys want to check out any other parts of the... No, okay. That's fine. I got a tracer top shield. I'm happy. You guys trek back to... Help carry. As we grab the fucking ray gun. You ask the halfling to help you. I ask the barbarian to help. Here's a question. Do you have tensors floating this? I don't. I did not give you tensors floating this.

[03:10:37] You have a halfling underneath the cannon, and then you have a dragonborn carrying the other half. Yeah. You're like your mini-me Conan. He's got a hold of my head. I'm like, yeah, this is fine. It's like walking with a canoe. I might be sure. At least I'm strong. I'm sorry. I'm not discussing it. Sam's quote. What is best in life? Yes, I had breakfast, but what about second breakfast? And there's elevensies. Then there's lunch. Then second lunch. Afternoon tea. Dinner.

[03:11:07] Supper. Second supper. Dessert. No, he doesn't. But what about elevensies? Yeah, so you guys get back to... No, it's more like, Vomentations are their women. I mean... I mean... He's taking back to Rolando and his land cart, and he's like... Wow, that is... The fuck?

[03:11:39] It's ours. As you guys plan on installing it on the... Strapping it to the land cart and stuff. That is a completely fair reaction. Just put it on the cart. Why are you a Russian again? Damn it! He's an ex-patriot. I said a vodka, he's ex-patriot. Dude, it's fine. It's fine. Why is French so hard?

[03:12:07] Well, because Russian is so easy, and we're doing it so often... It's because Russian is very easy to do once you've been drinking. French gets harder the more you drink. Which is strange, because of their habits. I just have a bit to it. They're used to it. I would say it's strange. I would say it more explains everything else. I guess. The problem is I'm not drinking wine. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. If I was here with a nice Merlot, the French would come so naturally.

[03:12:35] Well, you guys are, what, three and a half hours in? We have room for one more encounter in the Morelands before you get to get back. All right. Okay. We just zap it with the fucking gun on the roof. You guys, as you guys are trekking back through the Morelands, away from Seaside and Diamond World, you guys need to roll me a perception test. Oh, that's not great. 61. 61.

[03:13:04] I see the back of somebody's head with a lot of... Okay. Yeah. He's too busy playing with my Velociraptor. Yeah, that's true. Is the Velociraptor still in the card as well, or is it running alongside? It is being run alongside with a lead. I was going to say, can I pitch that I'm trying to ride the dinosaur, which is why I don't see anything? Because I'm too busy trying to figure this out. Oh, roll acrobatics. We have a lead rope on it made out of woven vines that I brew. Yeah.

[03:13:34] Yeah. I'm distracted as well. I'm watching this waiting for catastrophe. 23. Mostly to laugh. I've actually at the hand of the twivel. Yeah. Yeah. So you're actually like, you're like, okay, I actually got this. Like, I just am unaware of everything else. Like, ride the bicycle. It's like, yeah, this is fine. I don't need to worry about anything. As that's all going on, everyone except for, um, uh, for much. Rashad.

[03:14:00] Doesn't see or hear the giant mass of corpses rolling towards you guys. Oh, God. That's a zombie plot. Not a zombie plot. Holden, like, amidst this giant, this giant, like. Are we running into that? Amidst this giant undulating, like, clog of countless bodies, there is a copper head also in, like, kind of at the forefront of it.

[03:14:27] Like, not moving with the claw as it, like, shambles around and, like, the body's just for a slow motion. And it just, like, it sees you guys. Like, it was not following you guys. And it's sort of like that. There's a meme that pops up very often where it's like, it's like a guy, like, has a GoPro or something like that next to, like, a piece of, like, a flashy lure. And so as he's, like, trawling. Oh, yeah. And you see a pipe go by and it's like, really? And he instantly starts following it. It's like, hey, wait a minute. It's like, aha. It's like. And you're just like.

[03:14:57] This is literally our fault. Mm-hmm. I totally could go with this thing. I rolled a 16 on this. It did. Okay. You hear the, you hear the horrible, like, sounds of, of human suffering. Now, before my character. On it? Before, before my character notices anything. Yeah. You're still like. Is there anything, any kind of, like, bonuses or sort of, like, uh. I can't think of the word right now. Disadvantages, sorry.

[03:15:27] Of me being on this dinosaur right now. Just to be aware of for this encounter. Uh, no. In fact, with that roll you had earlier, like, you, you can ride this as a pet. Oh, beautiful. Mm-hmm. I just wanted to make sure before we started this so I know exactly what I'm aware of. What I'm capable of. I just got to pull up my steps for the zombie collect. So, what you're saying is the final boss of some previous adventure that you were telling me. It's entirely worth it. Yeah, it's his fault. We ran away from this. And I totally could have killed it.

[03:15:57] Like, if we just kited this and I just shot it with my arrows for, like, six turns, I would have killed the fucker. So, instead. Instead, I just bolted the fuck out of there and didn't deal with this problem. What the fuck? Except, also, there is an added thing where there's a copper dragonborn head inside, like, at the forefront of it. And he's like, I only look at the stack. I was like, what the fuck?

[03:16:23] For the audience at home, I'm mostly familiar with Forgotten Realms stuff. This is specific to the Ravenloft. Oh, Jesus Christ, it's from Ravenloft. That explains a few fucking things. Ravenloft makes lives there. There are some connections between the mortal and the fogs and the mists of Ravenloft. Okay. So, if you ever watched... Jesus, quit that damn show. With the computers. Real descriptive. Reboot. Reboot. Wait.

[03:16:53] It's the run. It can't run. I mean, my show, but that is not where I thought that was going. If you ever watched Reboot, this is the gnolls. Those are people. Yep. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Except with zombies. And the fucking dragonborn. Gnolls were people once, so... Legit. Specifically once. This is so bad. Yeah. This is really bad. I knock on the front. Driver. Drive faster.

[03:17:23] I'm mostly alive. That is... It has to make a strength save. Yes. Turn the cannon around. We do have that. It's very good that we have that. We're going to need that. Yeah. Okay. So then a bunch of like vines and plants and shit reach up from the ground and grab it from every fucking angle and just hold on to it.

[03:17:52] It is actually restrained. It can't move. Let us move. Do you want to just leave it in the dust for a good effort? Do you want to... Yes. Do you want to... From the back of the raptor stand, I'm just going to look at the guys and be like... Chop? No. No, chop. Run. Okay. I mean... Sam's. It's incredibly unnatural and I am a druid. So I am... It is abhorrent. You're disgusted by it.

[03:18:21] I am disgusted that it exists. If everybody else wants to run away and flee in terror, that's okay. But... I point up at the cannon and just like... Sam's indifferent. He's down with whatever you guys want to do. As far as Sam's concerned, he has his dinosaur mouth now. He stole it from you. He's fine. Good. Yeah. He's like, you want to chop? I'll chop. You don't want to chop? I won't chop. I mean, I trained it for you. That's why Sam's looking at you. He's like, dude, I'm down with whatever you want to do. What? Rolando or Ronaldo, whatever.

[03:18:51] He's like, should I stay outside gold now? If you stay, there will be trouble. And if you go, there will be trouble. Two zombie muck. Oh, Jesus. Please. One. God damn. I mean, what if it tracks us through the moorlands and back to town? That is kind of... Or even worse, what if it gets bigger because you're rolling it like a... Through corpses. Are we currently getting... Apart? No, you're still moving. Okay, we're running.

[03:19:20] If it gets to town and it comes out of the moorlands, it'll be concentrated fire from the entire defensive perimeter. This is true. We do have a wall built. But the entire defensive perimeter is currently just a wall. There's no matter what. We don't have people mounted on it. We don't have the people for that. We have a griffin. We have a titan. We have a griffin puppy. We have a hulk. Like, it is a child. We still have a titan.

[03:19:50] Yes. Okay. Frankie is a thing. Yeah. And Frankie lost to this thing before. Yeah. The only reason you have Frankie is because... It's crying with fire support. Can you also... I point up at the thing like... It's just you guys are like, oh shit, a zombie claw. What the fuck? Sam's quite literally at the part where he's like, dude, I should have died like years ago. The fact that I'm right here... I'm a little more of a doubt.

[03:20:19] I don't know what you guys want to do. You guys don't want to chop it? I won't chop it. You want to chop it? I'll try that. That's your character of the player. Okay. I mean... What's the range on you currently? Right now, you guys are still moving. So, like, it's currently like... Probably like 75, 80 feet away. Oh, I'm not making it. And that's going to get farther and farther because it's currently trying to get through. Bring that into it. Important question. How did we mount the cannon on the front?

[03:20:47] Did we point it backwards or frontwards? I don't know. I assume this was one of your look rolls. I didn't think it was mounted. It wasn't mounted. It was just stuck. Sam has nothing to do with it. I figured you guys just, like, placed it on the top. So you can roll a percentile to see if it's... Yeah. ...forward or backward. Yeah, because... Sam wasn't making it, like, epic. Crawling up there to spin it around as I... The cannon's on the wagon. I don't care anymore. Yep. Okay, I got to call... So, hi or... I call hi. 93. That's pretty fucking high.

[03:21:17] So... So it is pointed the back way. Shoot it! Fire the cannons! He's got to make an arcane check on that can to make it work. Knowledge arcane, all right. Sam has not gone chop either, so he's not playing. I feel like she's an advantage on this because it's basically user-friendly. Yep. I like how I looked at the girl with the arrow. Shoot it. I looked at you with the fireball. Shoot it. I looked at you with the cannon. Shoot it! Shoot! Double 16s.

[03:21:47] Okay. That is extremely improbable. So 16 plus 17. 23. Okay, so it'll work. But it needs a charge... But it was feeding energy... Getting its energy from the mechanized T-Rex. It doesn't have its own power. So we need to feed it energy. Feed it the other raptor. Runs a dinosaur. If you had a large dragon shard or lightning, you could feed it energy. We have lightning right here. And give it a charge.

[03:22:17] I can do that. We have lightning right here. A total lightning would equate to one charge. He used it multiple times on the T-Rex. We know he has lightning. Okay. It's not even a secret. Okay. I can fire 60 bolts of lightning. Well, at least one of them has to go through this fucking cannon. Okay. I'm also an issue though right now. Because this thing, while it is stuck, is not defenseless. Of course not. I'm not assuming that much. Just because it can't move doesn't mean it's defenseless.

[03:22:47] Nine. 25. Oh, good. That's not horrible. 19. I do. Yeah. I'm not going to count the raptor or Rayling in this one because you guys are the main focus here. He's yours, so. I was going to say me and the raptor are kind of working together. At this point, it's like a match. Yeah. I got 19. 19? Okay. I don't know if you have... Actually, plus dex, whatever that is. Oh, plus dex makes it 23.

[03:23:17] Oh. Okay. And what would Ramos get? 25. 25. Okay. 17 plus 8. Dang. What did... Uh, 9. Okay. Not that I'm doing much. What did the clock get? That's better than the rolls I've been making for giving me monsters. I do have sleep. Yeah. And I can cast it.

[03:23:46] I don't think you can do it good enough. It's a zombie. I was going to say, give them... You have prepared Maximilian Sermon Grats. Also, it does not require air, food, drink, or sleep. It doesn't require it, but I can force it. Unless it's immune to sleep effects. Yes, he can. Condition of immunity is charm, exhaustion, paralysis, petrification, poison, and stun. Does not. It does not. It does not. It does not. It does not.

[03:24:14] It does not. It does not. It does not. It does not. It does not. I still have 2 3rd level spell slots. And I'm going to be using that on Call of Light. This is another great in theory. So, top of the round. For a match.

[03:24:44] Okay. My first round attack is going to be Mind Spike. Oh, I never healed up after we left, but I assume I would have on the way. So, heal potions and all that. You guys can heal up. Yeah. It was a couple of hours before this happened. So, I gave you guys a healing blunt. Yeah. So, how much would I? 4d4 plus 4. 4d4 plus 4? Yes.

[03:25:13] The first time I gave you a... Oh, you have the same... You have the same drum? Uh, yeah. From the... Oh, yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, I'm looking around. It's like, uh, something to take along with. Oh, perfect. Yeah. That literally rolled out perfect. Plus 7, 16. For, uh, 3. Yeah, 16. And you gotta do a, uh... Literally, back to starting. Perfect. Like, to the point. Where's that damn save? Dex save.

[03:25:43] A dex save for half damage. Dex save, DC 15. Against Mind Spike? Yeah. It's a dex thing? Yeah, you lose. Yep. Is it dex save? It's a dex save. Are you sure? Right there on your card. Dex save, dex save and throw. He's got the card in front of him. I know. I know. I just... It's weird. No, I agree with that. It's psychic damage.

[03:26:13] With no experience. It sounds strange to me. Yeah. He's got the card in front of him. It should be a wisdom save. Yeah. Because it's psychic. Maybe it's because it's not actually like a... Maybe he has to the still actually do it. It's a dodge. Like, it's like a... I'm going to be a jazen from Andromeda. Yeah, directional type. But it's like you take the damage and you can't hide from me. Okay. I will find you. Okay. So I would have... In addition to that potion though, I used the other hit dice.

[03:26:43] So... I'm done. Okay. Next up is Sam's. So... You're on your Raptor. And you're about... You're currently moving about 90 feet away from this thing right now. Okay. My current speed is 35, but I'm on the Raptor. I'm not sure what the range on that is. The Raptor has a pretty decent speed. Or speed, sorry. Yeah. Where's the... Oh. I think it's a typo.

[03:27:13] Oh. Two hit dice. Plus the potion. Back at 60 out of 62, so. I'm just going to actually give you... So you can have it. Because you have a dinosaur. There's the stats for the... For the... There's your buddy. I don't know, I guess. Who is the mag last night? I'm sure it wouldn't make a difference. It's...

[03:27:41] It's a mindless mass of corpses, so. I was wrong. It was a wisdom saving throw. Okay. That actually... I will not do that. My apologies, I was reading the wrong... That's it. Oh, you doomed us all. Okay. So next is... Yes, thanks. So... The... The Dynonicus, otherwise known as Raptor. Yeah. Is... How's it? 40 feet? How far did you say it was, sorry? It's about 90 feet.

[03:28:11] Alright, so... Yeah, even if you charge, it'll be about 80 feet. Like, you get 10 feet to it. Is there a chance that I could use the jungle as cover to try and do a sneak attack? There is no jungle. You guys are out there. Oh no, yes, that's right. You're in a post-bogglesic wasteland. That's right. And it doesn't really benefit you anyway because you're not a rogue. So sneak attack... Well, I use the term sneak attack, but I meant more along the lines of, is there a way that I can use some sort of cover in order not to get hit? Yeah. I shouldn't have been okay with that. Sorry, I didn't give you a ranged weapon.

[03:28:41] I really should have. Would a barbarian think of that? Really? I could have given you throwing axes. I had a couple of javelins. Should I toss him some? Throwing axes would be kind of awesome. I was like, damn it. But I was kind of in a rush while I was making these characters. So I was like, okay, we'll give him an axe and we'll give him a shield. Could I hand him some of my javelins? He's already off. Nah, that's what I figured. Yeah, I was going to say at this point, I guess I would just kind of split off and try and become a distraction if anything.

[03:29:12] Try and get the attention so that it's not trying to go after the cart with the cannon, going after me on the raptor instead. Oh, it's also restrained. It can't attack you right now. Well, that's why I can't get to it. So what I want to do is I want to try and get its attention. Wait, why? How far? It's 90 feet away. I can only move 40 and then if I dash it's 80. So I'm still not quite there. What I want to try and do is I want to get as close as I can and get its attention so that if it has any sort of range, it's not aiming at the one cannon that might actually do something.

[03:29:41] But I also don't want to be in line of that cannon. I'd like to be off to the side of the cannon. Well, it was. It's been... It's currently immobile. It's currently immobile. It's currently stuck in a web of entangled... I just want to get its attention outside of the direction of the cannon that you're preparing to fire at it. Yeah. Because I'd rather not be disintegrated. Yeah, you can... You're definitely fine. You see that copper dragon head is moving with you through the mast. Perfect. Perfect.

[03:30:10] That's exactly what I want. Okay. So next up is... That's basically what you're doing. Keeping it apart. Yeah. No, I just want to get its attention on me. That way if it does have range, the cannon is not its objective. Yeah. Legalize. Okay. I'm going to raise my staff while I cast Shillelagh. And then I'm going to use that to conjure up a thundercloud over its head and pull down a lightning bolt right onto the cannon. Yeah.

[03:30:41] Because I've got to charge the cannon. And I don't have to roll for that. Do I have to roll dice for damage? Um... Yeah, let's see how much... How much for charge it is. How close? Okay. 16. Okay. Yeah. That's enough charge. Enough juice. For one shot. Okay. Cannon has been primed, Captain.

[03:31:12] You may fire. One round loaded. One round loaded, I... Again. Again. Let's get the barbarian to fire it. Oh, yeah. I was going to jump up there to aim the damn thing. I assume you were going to have to say hocus pocus. No. No. It's a charge. He's ready to go. You fire it. Oh, there's a magic missile. Yeah. There's a... Some what? He hands you two wires. He says, touch these together.

[03:31:40] When you see the barrels between its eyes... He grabs the forward handle and the rear handle and braces it against his pelvis. How do you like my big boner? My dick cannon. Ah! Didn't we have a Shatterrun game where there's a big black dick, like dragon dick? Yeah. I believe it. No drake. There's like a black dragon character. The biggest blackest dragon. Oh, jeez. Of course. That's what it was.

[03:32:10] But yeah. Okay. So... Sorry. The biggest blackest drake. Yes. Because a drake and a dragon are not the same thing, but they're pretty close. So drake is a raptor and dragons are something else. Well, a drake is... Okay. So a dragon is a dragon in Shadowrun. A drake is a human that can turn into a dragon, but they're very small. They're like the size of a horse. So drake can turn into a dragon. Checks out. Drake! Yeah, that checks.

[03:32:38] But his name was the biggest blackest drake. Yeah. Anyways. So, yeah. From what you're doing, what were you doing? I'm going to magic missile that guy. Okay. These are the 120 feet? Yep. So I'm going to cast magic missile as one of my first level spell slots. Four, six, nine damage. Okay.

[03:33:08] Respectable. Mm-hmm. About a lot, but it just makes it angry. Yep. I'm just packing away at him. Yep. With my guaranteed hits. Until things go terribly badly. So next up is, speaking of the clot. So. Sam's. Yep. Well, first off, with one of its turns, it's going to try and break free. Okay. That would make sense. That's a stretcher. Let's see that. You do realize I am going to fry you. And I do apologize.

[03:33:38] Well, no. I maneuver myself out of direct line. Break free. That'll work. Okay. I specified that to make sure. It breaks free on the tangles. Which I kind of expected. And now it's, but it's not going toward the card anymore. It's going towards a dinosaur at a half length. Which was the idea. At half speed. At half speed. Yes. Because as long as it's in the entangled area. Just make sure you hit it with the cannon. We will build a statue. But it also is. You fucking hope so. I'm going to be a tall one because I'm short.

[03:34:05] The copper diamond that is in the clot opens its mouth and lightning strike. Or it comes swirling out from it. Well, that's nice. So let's see if it actually hits you. With this bronze dragon? Bronze. Yeah. Sorry. That's not a brass. It's a bronze dragon. Because it was, uh, it was formerly the, uh, the caretaker of the egg that you guys recovered. Yes. Zandunkel. Did you make the thing worse? Well, I was just saying, what I've heard is that this is really all their fault.

[03:34:37] Every part of this is my other character's fault. I heard about this weeks ago. If it's over 20, you hit. My AC is 20. So nice. Oh god, so many days. I mean, is it hitting me or is it hitting the raptor? No, it's hitting you. Okay, I just wanted to make sure it goes. Unless you want to hit the raptor. I'm just saying, because we have different health. I just wanted to know who I'm taking health away from. Well, yeah, here's the thing.

[03:35:05] Do you want to try, like, I will let you roll a dexterity if you want to try and rein in your dino to take the brunt of it. It's also, it's lightning, so like, wouldn't it, like, hit him anyway? Yeah. I was going to say, realistically, because we're touching each other, we're kind of both getting screwed. Yeah, that splash at that point. I think this is what you were trying to do at the dead tree. Realistically, both ways I'm getting hit. It's just a matter of, is he getting first or am I getting him first? Yeah.

[03:35:33] I don't know how the hell am I, um, I had the dice six at once. Am I at the moment? Yeah. God damn, that sounds like a lot of dice. Yeah, I don't like the sound of that. I'm using my easyrollerdicecup.com. To be fair, as long as it's less than- And Yahtzee! As long as it's less than 12 die, or d6, as long as, even if you rolled all sixes, that'd be fine. 13? I'm great. Okay. Oh.

[03:36:03] 13 lightning. Oh, no, thank god. As you, uh, yeah, as it strikes at, you're basically just like, well, it's a dragon. So, it's the same kind of breath roll that you had, except, like, a different hand. Oh, it's a dragon. Born skull. Okay, that was a- Yeah, so Sam's basically, pssst, the hair sticks up and he's like, ow! That wasn't great. I thought that was a dragon. Well, it's also, now the actual zombie cloud itself is now on the move. Yeah, well, of course. And it's this huge undead monster.

[03:36:32] Well, it's the barbarian thing of, pssst, ow, that wasn't great. Oh, shit, that's hair. How fast does its movements be? It's only at 40, so it's only at 20. Okay, so then it can actually make it out of the area of the, uh, the end angle this turn. Okay. But it stops right at the end of it. It can reach me and 10, or it can go 10 past me. No, it can't. I was 10 away from it, so if I can move 20. Oh, you ran right up to it, then? I was 10 feet away getting its attention. Gotcha, okay.

[03:37:00] So if you move 20, it can either come to me or 10 feet past me, based on math, I think. Well, it's going to be bad, it's going to go over you. Not past you. I mean, to be fair, I have, uh, halfling nimbleness, so I can move underneath it if it's bigger than me. But I don't know about my raptor. Yeah. You wouldn't have actually been able to get that, or at least you wouldn't have gone that close, because the area that it was in was dense, thick vines with thorns. Yes, so you would have probably.

[03:37:28] So you would have probably only gone to the edge of that, and that's as far as it can go. Oh, okay, so that's why I was like, I have 40 if I'm 50 away, then I'm dead feet? Next round won't be difficult, but you're good for now. And you're keeping you distracted from the land. Well, and that was the goal. I don't mind if I don't kill it, but as long as it doesn't take out the cannon that might be able to kill it, we have a chance! Next up is now Gaman. Okay, so get up on top of the, um, cart.

[03:37:57] LPP. How big is this stupid thing? It's like, based on the side of this table, so like, a couple, like six or seven feet across. So, it's more or less aimed at the thing right now? Um. Or like, I need to shove it over or something? I think you need to shove it over. So, roll it in athletics to kind of give it a little, like, some more. Adjustment. Adjustment. Yeah. Uh, 19, 20, 21, 22. You can't write it. Yeah. Do-do-do. Targeting. And then you just like grab two cables and just.

[03:38:27] Now he's. Well. Ah. I even, I pointed at the link. Now what? Touch the cables. Yeah. With your tongue. Bam! Right, so, um, do you want to roll a, uh, uh, uh, roll a d20 to see, uh, if this cannon hits? To see if I get electrocuted. Um. Okay. 18. Okay. Um.

[03:38:56] I guess I have to roll to, roll a dead safe to see if, uh. Yeah. You owe your other character so much. I am fucked up. I straightened. He he he he. I was gonna say, if a shark does anything, he's sitting there going, motherfucking. We, we had Titan. We could've just kept kiting him. I could've packered him with goddamn arrows. Mm-hmm. I could've really died. Here's some dice. Ooh. Uh, you need three more to roll for a dead. I get the Yahtzee. 60. Oh, no, sorry. 60-10. Not 66.

[03:39:26] I apologize. Which one's worth? Wait. So 60, you need 60 points. This time I counted. That's a 10. We like these. Okay, he's got them. There you go. This time I didn't just assume I knew I was talking about. All the dice. I actually counted. Is that six? Make sure. Yeah, but I need at least one from everybody, so. Okay. As the kids say these days, fire in my laser. Okay.

[03:39:53] That's a 9, 2, 8, 2, 0. This is a 10. And that's another 9. Math. What? Do math. Please do math. Do math. Do math. I've heard a bunch of numbers, but math is not my fault. Experience B. Okay, so.

[03:40:15] 8 plus 2 plus 2 plus 9 plus 9 plus 10. 40. Okay. Yeah, there's just a brilliant beam of energy and light that just strikes the clot. It is not destroyed, but it is heavily diminished.

[03:40:41] It's lost a couple of its zombies to fire. Okay. So, yeah. And just kind of like moans with a dozen or more voices and shrieks and cries as it's partially on fire and part of it's melted. As am I from using the cannon. You look back and your shadow's been imprinted.

[03:41:09] Looks at Sam sees his hair sticking up and goes, yeah, mine probably looks something like that right now too. He looks over to you guys like, I've become death, destroyer of worlds. And or Barbie. Definitely Barbie. Yep. Just shooting Kennergy at it. Come on. Alright. That almost has to stay in now. Top of the round is fromage.

[03:41:39] What a shout-out. A chromatic orb. I shall strike you with thunder. Thunder. Na na na na na na na na na. A DM strike. 15. No, no, no. Yeah. Take 15 damage. 15 damage? Okay. No, this is the Barbie round. You haven't read the books yet. No. That's the card. How do we attack first? No. Read. Read. 16. 16. 16 on the second one? No, 16 attack. Oh, I'm going to. Oh, 16 to an attack? Yeah. They literally called this a Barbie round.

[03:42:09] So then you take 15 damage. Constantly. You wouldn't say it if I hit by it. Hit. And next up is Sans. Alright, so. How close am I to it? At this point, you're like probably 10 feet away. Oh yeah, I can never know. So. My Dionycus is going to use its pounce. Because I am less than 20 feet away. And I am going to use a claw attack.

[03:42:39] And the target must succeed on a DC 12 strength saving throw or be knocked prone. I don't know how this works against that specifically. That's not going to work because this thing is. Interesting. That's why I bring this up right now. Yeah. Because I figured we may as well figure that out first before we get to my. This thing is not going to. Can I see? Absolutely. I mean you could roll a lot. That's literally. That's the one thing where I was like this doesn't really make sense here. So I'm going to make this the first thing we talk about. Yeah. Get it. Pound. Get it, get it, get it.

[03:43:15] And all I can hear on them. You still have to roll the saving throw. It's just really good odds they're going to make. Oh god. Yeah. Just roll. You should roll it because it's a very low save. I failed. But. I was going to say realistically if you roll lower than like a six. Yeah. Then I would consider it. A 13 plus a. Then you succeed. Even based on the rules you still succeed. Because this thing saving. Con saving throw gets a plus six. Oh it's a strength. A strength? Yeah. Yes. It's even more. Yeah.

[03:43:45] It's a DC 12 strength saving throw. So but I mean. There was a chance there you could have roll tipped. The clock. Well and that's exactly why I brought it up right now. Because I'm like this seems problematic. I'm going to make it the first thing I talk about. So we can clear it. However when it tips over. It's just a new face. Like moving around. That's the end of the game. If. It will actually say. That it has to be of a size. A size large or smaller for it to work. Well that's why after I read through it. I was like this is kind of unclear. I'm going to make it the first thing I bring up.

[03:44:14] So because it doesn't specify. It actually does apply to all size categories. But the strength save is so low. That. I mean. You'd really have to fuck it up. I have a 50 50 chance of passing it. No absolutely. So. Like I said. It was the problematic point that I went. This doesn't make as much sense as the rest of it makes. Okay. But it's possible. Yeah. Alright. The raptor's gonna make. Run through the hypothetical. Three attacks. Give it a try. One with bite. Two with claws. Well one of the attacks was a pound.

[03:44:44] So I will roll the bite first and then the claws. Yeah. I think the pounce would have been one of the attacks. Yes. The pounce counts as. Where is it? Yes. The pounce is the bite attack. Yeah. So what was the damage on that bite? The bite is. 1d8 plus 2.

[03:45:13] So it'd be 5. Oh 5? Yeah. Okay. And then the claw attacks is. So that would be 18 to hit. 18 to hit? Okay. That'll hit. You're right there. So yeah. That is. So that is. Yeah. 1d8 plus 2 as well. So that'd be 10 damage.

[03:45:42] And the second claw attack. 9 to hit. I don't think it's gonna hit. Ah. That's okay. So then I have my axe. Do I need to rage before the raptor or after the raptor? You should have raged for it. Because I don't think. I don't think my rage. Does my rage apply to the raptor? No. The rage does not apply to the raptor. It's only about C. Because it's basically like go over and you can. And that's why I was like for the raptor I don't think it makes sense for me. I think it makes sense. Yeah.

[03:46:11] So for myself I will rage. Yeah. And you can actually rage. You can rage at the end of your turn. After you've gone. You can rage at any time. It just. It doesn't really serve much of a purpose if you don't do it before you do stuff. Well that's why I thought I had to do it at the start. That's why I was like well fine. Yeah. Alright. So my first attack is. Adventure. It doesn't really matter here. So that is. 18 to hit? 18 to hit.

[03:46:41] Math is hard. Yeah that hits. Absolutely. And that one is. So that is 13 slashing with 3 fire. Okay. And my second attack is. I'm not 20 to hit. Okay. So you get to. You can do this one of two ways. Okay. You can either roll both of those dice twice. And then add your 5. Or.

[03:47:09] You can roll both of those dice. And then double it. And add 5? Double it and add 5. I'm shooting the symbol in color right now. And just do double plus 5. Oh shit. Sorry. Or not. No I just realized something. Did I just saw something? It's like immune to poison and psychic damage. Oh well. We haven't used either of those. You did use psychic damage. You did use psychic? Yeah. I think it was like 6 or 8. Yeah. I thought the mind spike didn't work. Too late though. Yeah. That's fine. Yeah. I just realized it was like oh shit.

[03:47:38] I thought the mind spike didn't work. It didn't include it in condition immunities. It added to like part of the one with attacks. It says that the necrotic damage. The necrotic flesh is immune to psychic and can poison. So I rolled a 1, an 8 and then I don't know how you want to handle the fire damage on that because the 1 is on the d6. The d6 is the fire? Yeah. So they're both doubled. So that's. So that'd be 2 fire. 2 fire. 16 slashing and then. It's already on 5 slashing. So it's 21 slashing and 2 fire.

[03:48:09] Okay. That's what he said. Well sorry. 21 slashing, 2 fire. Okay. Numbers are hard. Yeah. Hopefully that's 80% of the game. With drumming I learned you need to count to 4. With artillery I need to count to 9. What? Everything after that is useless. Legalize. What do you want to do? Oh. It's my turn again. Okay. Alright.

[03:48:37] Did you see your friend, your halfling friend and his dinosaur literally on it just like the raptor on the T-Rex in Jurassic Park? And we are in surprisingly good health. I might add. But we are currently in about as shitty as a situation as we could be in. You're in the target range. Oh yeah. We are probably the focus of now you guys and it. It's not great. I would probably make you roll a deck save to try and escape the blast.

[03:49:07] I can absolutely understand. How far away is he? At this point. I'm on it. I assume you guys made Rolando like stop. Yeah. Okay. So at this point you're still like about 80 feet away from it. Meanwhile I'm over here on top of it. And it's rolling around like away from like kind of off to the side of the room just because it's distracted by a... Being on fire is slashed up by a raptor in a person. Well I'm going to... Yeah. Okay.

[03:49:34] I'm going to grab a rope from the back of the cart. Yeah. And I'm going to run out 30 feet. Okay. Towards him. Okay. With that I can call lightning down on the cannon. Is he using the rope like a cable? Like a jumper cable? No. No. But that would have been awesome. I was going to be like Doc Brown like putting... Like setting up the... The wire of the cable from the clock tower.

[03:50:06] 31. So 31 electricity on the cannon. Oh. You got two charges. Ooh. Okay. And I'm going to cast a healing word. Which has a range of 60 feet. I should be within 60 feet of range of him. So I can hit him for... One die for...

[03:50:34] So two plus five. So seven points of healing. Oh, good. That's it. I'm done. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Next up is... The clot. Good thing I got healed. Good thing I got healed. I'm going to need it. That's going to be 19 to hit you. Nope. First attack. What? No. Not myself.

[03:51:04] The dragon dinosaur on there. It will hit. Okay. Doesn't hit me even hit after. Alright. What did you name your lizard by the way? Don't name it. His name's Fred. Either Fred will live or Fred will die. But Fred will be Fred. Oh fuck. Okay. Hang on. Made sure we knew the name of it before. He'll get a tombstone summoner. Yeah. I think I killed him. Nope. I almost killed it.

[03:51:34] 23 damage. You're both wrong. It's 26. He has three of the health left. Yeah. So you're... You get knocked off your... I believe that. Fly. Yeah. He gone. Into the wastes for a moment. He's off somewhere. Yeah. He's doing his thing. And then the next slam is happening on you. Absolutely. Greenleaf. Heal the raptor. Again. I absolutely believe it. Going to. Yeah. I don't think this guy should... 8 plus 6. Take the hit. Get knocked off. 14.

[03:52:04] For a 20. I'll do it. No. Dude. Dude. Dude. Take the hit. Roll that way. Sorry. Fire again. He can't. I mean. With the raptor getting hit. Me landing is not necessarily guaranteed to be in the same place. Yeah. That's what I'm just saying. Probably in general direction. Yeah. Well exactly. So if he smacked it off to the side. In theory. I would at least move to the side. Yeah. Meaning. I'd give you a... Clear cannon? Yeah. Fine. I was just saying. I would even agree with the deck. Deck safe.

[03:52:34] Yeah. That's right. Yeah. You do deck safe. Yeah. Dispreemptively. That's 21. Okay. Yeah. You're probably... You're probably... As Fred gets smacked I realize I should probably get out of... In between this and the cannon. Next up is Cabal. Good. Timing. Get on the cannon. Hit him in the crotch. The crotch. If I knew any of the heavy lines from Team 4,

[03:53:03] or just 2, I'd be saying some of them right now. Try some more. There you go. Now I'd like to point out... Like this counts as an attack, correct? Yes. Extra attack. Beginning with 5th level, you can attack twice instead of once. Whenever you take an attack action on your turn. It does not say melee. You said he had 2 charges. I did say melee. Does it not say melee? It does not say melee. Like the second you said 2 charges, I'm like... Ooh. Yes, he has 2 shots. Plus I'm literally just pushing the button twice.

[03:53:33] Is it an attack? Or is it an attack action to use? That's what it breaks down to. Because if it's an attack action to use... Then it is the whole... He does have to... He does have to... Well, basically the roll... The die roll is basically for him to adjust the cannon. Mmm. So it is an attack. Yeah. It is a problem. So he gets 2 of them. Because he actually has 2 charges worth of power in that thing. Yeah, you did charge... That does check. You won't be a lot.

[03:54:04] Smote the dinosaur. The beauty of being a barbarian dinosaur. I thought we wanted to keep the dinosaur. But if you want me to try it with the dinosaur... Is a dragon a dinosaur? Because if you're a dragon is a dinosaur, then a dragon is born as part dinosaur. Dragons are like celestial entities in this series. In the second. Well, that's what I said. But I understand. What's wrong with feathers under the table? Alright, yeah. Roll your attack attack. Roll your attack attack. You're still basically having to look at this. I gave a question. I have no idea. You're so precious. They didn't come from my chickens.

[03:54:34] So... Fire in first! 14 plus... Maybe a cat toy? I assume there's no bonus. But 14. Yeah, that is. Yeah. Alright, so roll... It gets a reflex... Or a dex, I guess. It's not moving anymore. Um... I mean, it's still 14. So... I don't know what...

[03:55:02] Yeah, no, each creature in line must make a TC 17. So it misses... It doesn't... It failed. It's back safe. Yep. Okay. So 60, 10. Die 10s, please. Where's the 10 again? That's 10. Yeah, that is 10. More? I just stopped counting. 2, 4, 5. Yes. All of them must sacrifice. Oh god. Come on, Yaxi. Okay.

[03:55:29] So, running total, we have a... That's a 2, right? I'm going to read one. 6 plus 9 plus 5 plus double zero, which is 10. Plus 4 equals 36. Yeah. For the first shot. Yeah. It is not dead, although after a brilliant blast of light, you see that it's like almost half of it is charred out. Clearly having a bad time. Yeah.

[03:55:58] I look down at the cannon and I... And fire. Roll a 1. Roll a 1. And that little tap explodes. 17. Yeah, that definitely hits. Roll your save. I'd like to point out... Hang on, hang on. You have to roll a save. No. Oh. How many arrows would you have had to pump into it with your other character? A lot. A lot. Yeah.

[03:56:28] I believe Merritt said at best it would have been between 6 and 8. At best. I'm just saying, one of your arrows would have done more damage than this cannon did last round. True. Really? I am a fucking glass cannon. What level is your other guy's? He's 11. Oh. He's not actually a glass cannon. You have a few more hit points than my paladin does. You just... Also have a very low AC comparatively. Okay.

[03:56:56] And as for the metal cannon... Uh... 2... 2... 1... 7... 4... 10. 10. Yeah, I was going to say, don't even bother to copy that out. Because as soon as I heard 7, it's like... He does. So there's a brilliant flash. And you hear what sounds like that dragonborn crying out. It's like... No!

[03:57:23] And then just an explosion of vaporized gore around that spot. And the halfling Sam is just like watching this light show. Whoa. Yeah. You're just getting covered in vaporized blood in Miserum. So... Circle around! Circle around! We will pick up the fucking scraps! What scraps? It's vaporized.

[03:57:52] I'm sure there's something. Any non-metal? Or non-biological? Okay, fair enough. I was going to say, that's actually a good point. That is actually a good point. Okay, yeah. There's a lot of pockets in that thing. Alright, so... That is true. Everybody, uh... Yeah, so you guys get over there. Um... Roll the 20s. Ooh! Jeez. Six. Four. Three. No, no, it was the deal. Oh, it's later.

[03:58:21] That was as much dodging as it could have been. Well, it's a good reason for the six. So... Um... Dreadle, dreadle, dreadle. Oh, yes. Ruining that again? Okay. Uh, 16. Okay, times all your rolls by 100. And that's how much gold you find in worth of, like, junk and shit like that that's littering the ground. That just, like, has, like, peppered the ground.

[03:58:52] Okay. It makes sense for you. Here's, like, your bag of holding. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah, basically just, like... It does not necessarily actual gold, but it's, like, basically the abstract does, like, just stuff that you can... Valuable symbol. Pacemakers. Pacemakers galore. Eberonis. All in Eberonis. Yeah, you're just collecting all the Eberons, because apparently that's not a medical virus that you're carrying out. Eberonis, by the way, is, like, our made-up version of our currency for Electron.

[03:59:22] Mm-hmm. In Eberon. Because Eberonis actually doesn't use Electron. It's... But there's, like, some hearsay that, like, it was used in the far past. Yeah. Yeah. So, what was that? Sorry. Times... So, whatever you're... Whatever you rolled on your G20. Mm-hmm. Times 100. 100. Ooh. Yeah. Is how much gold worth of junk you guys just recalced from that. 600. Okay. 1600. 400. I'll take it. Mm-hmm. How's that dinosaur in yours?

[03:59:52] He actually still has three health. I don't know where he is right now. He's off in the bush. Or, oh, no, he's out of a hill somewhere, but he's around. We just send, like, v...